Starting Over
Audg
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Always falling for the liar, cheater, etc?
So in my pending divorce, I am doing a lot of soul searching and will continue with my counseling, as apparently I need it more than I thought I did. I have come to realize that I always seem to fall for the guys who don't seem ALL that into me...just give me crumbs I guess you could say. And I chase them.. wind up falling hard and obsessing over it/them. And then the guys who come right out and say "you are beautiful, wonderful" and call right back, etc., I have no interest in. It's too easy I guess? I don't understand why I am so messed up..lol Obviously I will def be working on this in counseling as I NEED to stop this bad cycle. So, I don't really have a question... just curious if anyone else is guilty of this?
Re: Always falling for the liar, cheater, etc?
Well I think the first step is realizing that this has been your pattern, because then you can examine "why" and change that.
I haven't always had bad relationships, but my marriage and relationship with XH was something I would definitely file in that category. It is a process where at first, they shower you with love/affection then slowly you begin to see a different side of them. Because the good times are so good you look for those and ignore the bad. After awhile there's very little good and only bad until there really isn't any good left at all.
Post divorce I have read up on toxic relationships and gone to counseling. I've also been alone for a long time (save a few relationships that were short-term) and this has let me really think about what I want, need, and deserve from someone. I think everything that I go through has only taught me more and I have become unwilling to compromise what I want.
Becoming ok with being alone is also a huge step and does take time. For me, I have always been in a relationship and, deep down, felt that being in a relationship validated me. The reality is that the more comfortable I am being alone, the less willing I will be to settle for someone who doesn't meet my standards. I remember someone saying to me once (on this board I believe) something about creating an awesome life and loving it, therefore someone will have to be pretty amazing in order to allow them to be a part of that.
You'll get there but be patient!
You hit the nail on the head.
Wow, never thought of it that way, that's pretty deep. You're right. I think my prob is with the relationship I had with my mom growing up.. not my dad...me and my dad had a great one. But, my mom moved out to live with her BF when I was only 8 and I barely saw her at times. We have a great relationship now, but I'm thinking this might be the cause of my issues.
Also beware of the one who is too persistent (there was a post a few days ago about a hot doctor who wouldn't take no for an answer). Opportunist alert.
I am guilty, so you are not alone.
For me it was several factors, below are 2 of them:
1. Childhood abandonment and abuse. I was on survival mode most of my life since I didn't know anything different.
2. I didn't love or respect myself as much as I would for others. I didn't think I deserved good things... I had to learn to respect and love myself and establish boundries. Good things made me uncomfortable because it was not the norms in my life so I felt like jumping off a cliff when I met someone kind or someone doing a kind action for me. I had to learn to go out of my comfort zone and get used to those "new" feelings. The body does not know the difference between feeling nervouse and feeling excited. If I enable others to treat me badly, then I am not taking care of myself. Don't trust others to take care of you.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Hence why I said that it is subconscious.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04