Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Oh wise women of SO
A couple peeps asked for updates on WG and I...so thought I could answer that and get your thoughts.
Quick refresher...we met thru work a while back. I am divorced with children, she is never married without children. I had posted that this could be a potential issue, and now I think that it def will be.
We have discussed it, and she has indicated raising a family is something she wants in her future. I have been honest with in saying I am done have children, nor can I have children anymore thru my own doing.
Well of course we have hit it off BIG TIME these past few weeks. We have so much in common. Compatible socially, physically, morally, etc. I really look forward to seeing her...and the way she looks at me, speaks to me, shows affection I can tell she feels the same about me.
The more I am around the more I realize how great of a person she is...and that really makes me root for her to get everything out of life she wants. The downside to that is I would be cut out of the picture because of the children issue.
I think we have both acknowledged the more attached we get with one another the more potential for heartbreak later on if the children issue is too much of a barrier between us.
A really awkward feeling knowing how well we get along, how much we have in common, but yet I am likely not the best man suited to give her everything she wants.
My gut tells me this relationship is fairly new so damage would be minimal if we go our seperate ways. It also tells me we both could be walking away from an awesome person and life together.
What would you do?
Re: Oh wise women of SO
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I agree with achase--tell her what you told us. See what she says, I'm sure she's been thinking about it as well...
Pretty much this. If you guys end up getting really serious, the children thing likely would be a dealbreaker and would result in someone (or both) getting hurt.
I honestly think you should end it.
I know it sucks, but the children issue is HUGE. From what you have said it sounds like she wants to have biological children and for you that is not something you want in your relationship. This issue will never go away.
I agree with this. If you can not provide her what she needs, then walking away can be considered a gift as heartbreaking it can be.
Yes she is younger and def wants biological children. I have 4 children and they keep me plenty busy...lol. Maybe overtime I would soften my stance but really would be awful for her if stuck to my guns.
I need to just be an adult and do what is best...get out of her way. I am having such a good time I dont want to do that...lol.
If that happens I just really hope she doesnt settle for the 1st guy that comes along who also wants a family. Her sister did that and had nothing in common except for wanting a family...she was miserable. I would hate that for her.
So, she should settle for you? If you can't give her everything she wants, she's still settling, even if you think you are better than the unknown next person that she dates. It is not your job to save her. She can do that on her own.
I would tell her not to settle for anyone who's not everything she's looking for. I did that and ended up divorced. Is she divorced too? How old is she?
I agree... She's a big girl who can make her own choices. You obviously think highly of her so trust her to make the right decisions for herself.
Of course she shouldnt settle for me or anyone. Nor should I or anyone else for that matter.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Have a very serious talk about it.
I was very honest with H when we started dating that I did not want kids (neither of us have been married previously or have children). Even though he desperately wants children he told him it wasn't that big of a deal and he would be okay not having them. Things progressed, we got married and almost immediately he started bugging me about having kids.
Obviously this is a MAJOR issue in our marriage and one of the main reasons we seperated earlier this year. We both agreed to be open minded about the possibility of having/not having children in the future. I want to make our marriage work but I am not willing to have children JUST to make him happy.
We are already married so it is a different situation, but I would avoid it at all costs. If she knows that she definately wants children of her own and you know that you definately don't. End it now...
Honestly, you have to end it. I think you already know that's what you have to do, but I understand it's hard. I ended a 3.5 year relationship about 4 months ago over this very same issue (I wanted kids, he didn't. Of course then I found out he'd cheated on me. Dodged that bullet). It hurt a lot knowing that this seemingly great relationship foundered, but honestly I'm so much better off and I'm sure he is/will be too.
The good thing is that since the relationship is so new you might be able to have a friendship instead. If that's something that works for you both.