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Baby Plans Vetoed
DH and I talked last night, and I think we put Baby Bell in Belgium plans BACK on hold. It's a total bummer b/c that was the one thing that had me really excited about next year. I am somewhat ready for baby but a big part of me just wants to have a baby b/c I think it will get my DH to take me home. I know this is not a good reason to have a baby...
I am always living about 5 steps ahead of myself and I cannot appreciate where I am right now. So many ppl would love to live in Europe, but this is not something I ever wanted. We've been here for 3 years. All I want is for DH to tell me when the hell we will go home, but he doesn't know. He just wants to ride the wave as long as we can - save up as much as we can. I get it, but I need a light at the end of the tunnel so I can appreciate the "short" time we have left. I never really enjoyed college until I knew it was almost over, I kinda think of our time in Europe like that. Sad 
I am a total homebody, and am happiest when my life is very normal, with a few exciting trips. I have been having this feeling of wanting to complete our family, having something more than just the two of us. DH suggested we get an animal instead of a baby since we can easily do that here and it is a little less life-altering. But, I don't know if I really want an animal. We're not home enough for a dog, and I would hate the litterbox of a cat.
Ugh, just needed to vent. I cannot seem to shake this feeling, good thing we're going home next week for my sister's wedding - maybe I just need some time at "home" to recharge my batteries?
I have a feeling when we do get back home, the reality might not live up to the fantasy...
We're headed to the Maldives on Christmas Eve!
Re: Baby Plans Vetoed
Well, I hated living in Italy the whole time I was there, and still have bad feelings about it, so I don't think it's bad that you don't like it. However, I DO think you sound like you need some sort of distraction, or even more of a routine to get you into living where you live, rather than always looking back. Do you work? Do you want to work? Can you work? (I don't think I really know you, do I? Or did I miss a name change? I'm out of the loop here)
If no, how about volunteering? Getting involved with the local American Women's club? I've met some of the ladies who are members of one's in Belgium, and they are amazing. They do so much and are really passionate.
I'm someone who always assumes the grass is greener on that ubiquitous other side also, but I am trying to live in the now, and enjoy what's here instead of "out there".
Being back in the States isn't going to make everything perfect, and honestly? Neither will a baby. Besides, why would you go back to the US to have a baby? It's SO much better here in terms of care and leave.
Wedding stuff.
Thanks for the input Snippylynn.
I did change my screen name - it was elisagoulart before. I do actually have a job, haha but anything I could work on that makes me feel useful and fulfilled is on hold. Our agency is mid-transition and will be until next summer. I might possibly switch jobs in March so that would be amazing.
DH just got a new job midsummer, so the sharp contrast between my nothingness and his super-busyness ALL DAY is hard. I feel like I have to do more at home since he is swamped all day, and I have to let him relax. (I feel bad for him doing the work of like 3 ppl all day). Also, in all honesty DH started playing his warcraft game again, so I have had much less face time with him in the past few weeks. I am sure that doesn't help.
I think you're right, I do need a distraction. Getting a pet would be good for me probably. It gives me something to "come home to" and someone else to love
I also think I went home too much this year. I was home for a quick weekend in July (for work - which made me really want to work for our US company at home) and then again for my sister's bridal shower just at the end of September. I think going home too much changes my focus and I feel like I am missing out on things. A few of my friends back home are engaged now too so I know its all weddings next year - and I don't want to miss them
I doubt we would go home in May AND again in September for friends weddings.
We're headed to the Maldives on Christmas Eve!
Maybe you should have a talk with your DH. It sounds like you should reach some sort of deal between the two of you.
I dont know about your financial situation, but it doesnt make too much sense to be miserable just so you can bank more money into your account. Maybe, you should wait and see if your job situation changes in March. Or you should join a club like Snippy said. I understand that living an expat life is not as fun and exciting as people can make it out to be. I think everyone on this board can relate to that.
Just be careful not to get caught in the whole the grass is greener thing. You know you will eventually move back to the States. So you should try to enjoy your time here as much as possible.
I don't understand why you can't be a homebody in Belgium. God knows I've never been more of a homebody than while in Turkmenistan - hell, I even did a fair bit of that in Dubai.
It sounds like going home is not going to help you since you seem to get more homesick thinking of all the things you are missing out on. I think you should try to make a real effort to make Belgium your home instead of feeling like your life is on hold. Easier said than done, I know, but that's the only way to focus on the present. A friend of mine once told me the best way to make time pass quickly was to become active so you no longer want it to pass so quickly. I have found that is true.
I'm always looking forward, not back, and so I understand some of the same issues with that. But 3 years is a short time and you have a great opportunity. Don't wish it away.
Have you thought about going back to the States on your own for awhile? When I was transferred to the UK from China DH chose to finish his contract in China for 8 months before coming over, and before that I was in China for a good 2 years while DH was in Canada. We would Skype and visit eachother for holidays and things, but we were fine with it overall.
If you are miserable there to the point that you are wanting to have a baby so your husband will take you "home", maybe you should just go home on your own for awhile. Stay with your parents for a bit, look for a job at home... stay for 6 months or so and then re-evaluate if you want to go back to Europe with your husband or if you want to stay in the States and he joins you.
Just a thought, but keep in mind that I've never been the accompanying spouse, so I don't know how that feels.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Yeah, it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your DH. Since marriage is all about compromise, maybe your DH really needs to set a "move back date." That being said, homebody or not, living overseas is an opportunity to really broaden your horizons. You will not look at life in the US the same when you get back there, there will be some transition period when you get back too. One thing that you might think about though is going home for a longer time, like a month or so. For me, the first few days is all puppies and rainbows when I'm home, and after 2 weeks, I start noticing all the "not-so-perfect" things, and that's when I start looking at life in both countries a little more critically. Especially now, life isn't so rosy at home either. And yes, I know its hard to miss out on weddings, and all sorts of other things, but you never know where life would put you in the States- like what if you and your DH ended up far from home in the States too? When I get really homesick, I always try to remind myself, "I could be married to someone in the military, then neither of us would have a real say in where we lived," or, "what if we were in the States, and DH got transfered to a job in California" (my family is all in CT.)
As to the having kids thing, even though its a bummer, it also sounds like a better decision to put them on hold. One of my biggest struggles when I moved abroad was that it put my plans "off track." It killed me to see all of my friends buying houses and having kids by 25, and I felt like they were getting more out of life than I was. We had to wait to build up enough savings for a down payment on a house, which took us 10 years, which also caused us to keep putting off our baby plans. It took me a long time to be okay with our timeline, which was just not the same. You guys will get there, and you will move home. Maybe you could set a financial goal, like when we have "X" saved, which should be so long, we can move back. Or maybe just a simple time goal, if your DH's job doesn't have a time end, then maybe "let's re-evaluate next year at this time."
Good luck to you and in the meantime, enjoy some chocolate and beer
I totally agree. The first week at home is always so wonderful, everyone is happy to see us, we do all the stuff we've been missing like go to West Edmonton Mall, go to a proper movie theater, go to all the restaurants we've been missing, shopping, hanging out with friends, etc. But by week 2, the mall is boring, shopping is expensive, we miss the food overseas, our friends are all at work and the movies all suck. All of our friends and family have to talk about is lawn care and home renovations, and how much the economy blows. And then we start really missing our lives overseas and can't wait to get back.
We've been gone so long now, we can only handle "home" in small doses. I don't think I could ever live back there, though some days I think it would be great. I just don't think I would last more than a couple of months before I run screaming back to the airport.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Tofu- this totally could be me. Except at home, everyone talks about bugs, like huge, long stories about flies, mosquitoes, etc.
I totally agree too (minus the details).
I think it's really easy to start planning for the future too early and miss out on things that are going on now. I never thought it would take me this long to have a baby either and it's been interesting figuring out what I'm going to do with myself now, I guess I was kind of counting down in my head or something.
We love living over here but I'm definitely more on the page of 'we'll move back one day' and DH is 'let's live here forever!' so we have a lot of talks about this too. I definitely agree with everyone that you need to find something to settle into over here so you feel more at home. If you're a homebody naturally, could you fix up your house/flat so it feels more like home? I know I'm always really conscious that I'm not 'home' since we live in a rented flat and the furniture is terrible.
I also agree that you need to sit down with your DH and figure out your plan. DH and I are planners also so we have a financial spreadsheet and a plan for where we 'think' we're going in the next few years. It helps get us on the same page.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
You guys are all so smart - thank you for the great input!
It never hurts to have multiple heart-to-heart talks with your spouse. I feel like DH and I have the "going home talk" all the time, but we're probably not really listening to each other. Deep down, I know we will go home eventually, and I'm sure it will be bitter sweet when it happens. The longer we can stay, the more we can save, so it would be even better when we do finally get home (bigger house we can afford).
Really short visits probably do more harm than good - I will keep that in mind for next year. I'm sure if I was home for a month, I would be itching to get back to Belgium too. I could not go home on my own, living without DH would be WAY more miserable for me than living here. And in all honesty, I am really not miserable. We have a lot of fun; I think I am just kinda in a funk right now. It will probably pass.
I am going to try and relax, and see how things play out with our jobs in March (we're both up for renewal on the 31st). We have tons of really fun and exciting things planned in the next three months, so I will try to focus on those.
I do like the "nesting" idea in our apartment. We have done a fair bit of nesting, but when we first moved in a lot of the furniture and dishes, etc were given to us for free from other people who were leaving. I think being able to pick out a new set of fancier dishes (plain white now) and maybe some new bedding would be a big spirit booster.
Also, DH says we can buy some picture frames/wall art and hang things on the wall. Our landlord asked us not to put holes in the wall (concrete walls) but right now we have posters and photos just taped up all around. It feels very college, and not so homey. I def do feel "at home" in our apt, but it would be good to really make it homey.
We're headed to the Maldives on Christmas Eve!