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Read some posts...my 2 cents
I haven't been on here for a few weeks and just got through reading a few older posts during this time period. I am saddened by the number of posts that say anything regarding husband's maintaining contact with ex-girlfriends, active on-line dating profiles, inappropriate relationships with other females, inappropriate contacts via text, emails, etc. Maybe I am much more sensitive since my own husband's emotional affair (he hates that term) was discovered this past Spring.
I believe that marriage is sacred and should be protected and guarded from anything that can chip away at it. Although most of the posts I read seem to be inappropriate contact with other females (not of a physical nature...yet), these men do not realize that they are playing with fire. They are dishonoring their marriage by not keeping their vow to "forsake all others". They are destroying the very foundation of their marriage, which is trust. Many of these men justify their actions by saying that have done nothing wrong (ie..the relationship has not reached the bedroom). What they fail to see that anything LEADING up to the bedroom is just as damaging. It is CHEATING.
There are very few reasons that I can think of that would justify any contact between exes (especially when no children are involved). The role of women in the work place has evolved greatly in the last 30 years so yes, you will be working with a lot of men and women. But where do you draw the line? I think it's OK to be nice and friendly, and joke around with co-workers. But when does it become inappropriate? Anytime you are having regular contact with someone of the opposite sex, that your SO does not know about or is part of, is a red flag that CANNOT be ignored.
If you did meet your SO online, you should have closed your profile when you both became exclusive to each other. Any relationships that doesn't build trust and or strengthen your marriage/relationship should be cut off......IMMEDIATELY because it is toxic. The marriage should be guarded but unfortunately, and I have seen it on these boards, the OP is viewed as being insecure. And although there are situations when the OP may be insecure, I don't know of many women, regardless of race, status, religion, etc. that would be OK with their husband's secret and/or inappropriate contact with other women.
I apologize this post is all over the place. Maybe it will help someone today.
Re: Read some posts...my 2 cents
My Lunch Blog
I'd like to know this as well.
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/54526409.aspx
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
My point in writing this post was to empathize with the girls on this board who are going through a similar situation.
My husband has admitted that the amount of contact with this other woman, not the content, was more than it should have been. That is where he admits his inappropriateness.
I think people of opposite genders can be friends (even exes) so long as it isn't kept secret, it's kept platonic, and it doesn't interfere with their current relationship. I think you might have tried to say that, but it seems like you contradicted yourself a couple of times.
I'm confused about the rant on people who don't follow these guidelines - I mean, you're preaching to the choir here. Are you hoping an emotional cheater will just happen to read this and have some kind of epiphany?
What kills me is how many of these women -- and men -- just won't see that an affair is an affair and that includes emotional ones.
THey are hesitant to give the person the boot. Is it denial? Do they figure "well, my spouse hasn't slept with him/her so nah, this really isn't adultery..."? Who knows?
No decent and happily married spouse is out looking for a "friend." That's the bottom line.
You need to tell him goodbye. And who wants to live like that-- checking up on him? As i said, he can very well get another phone you do not know about and contact her that way. By hook or by crook he will do it.
I agree with you and I do know some people who are friends, not close, but nonetheless, friends with exes. It is out in the open and there are no secret texts, emails, lunch/dinner meetings, etc.
My rant is geared more to the spouses (cheaters) who are "tap dancing on a landmine" and justify that they are doing "nothing wrong". Then freely confront their spouse, who by the way, is not overreacting, BUT reacting to the humiliation they are feeling when they discover the inappropriateness of their actions.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, that's all.