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Need advice/support from someone who has been there...
Hello,
I am usually a lurker and I realize that I am probably not going to get a big response writing about how much I hate my job on a Friday night, but I just need to get it out and am hoping that someone who has been through a similar situation can offer some words of advice.
I have been at my job for over 4 years and while I have never loved it (or really even liked it) from the start, I stuck it out for a variety of reasons: thought it would get better, was just grateful to have a job knowing how the job market is, and became complacent. But, for the past 6-9 months, I have known that I can't do it anymore and need to get out. I have been job searching for the past 6 months, but have not had much luck. My job field is pretty specific and there aren't a lot of jobs available. I have been applying for anything remotely interesting and that I am qualified for, but have only had 2 interviews in the past 6 months. I was actually the finalist at one place, but didn't get it. I will keep plugging away, but I just don't know how much more I can take. I know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side (new job), but I am so ok with that right now. I will take a new set of issues and problems at a new job if it allows me out of this one.
I come home from work most nights in tears. My stomach is in knots and it's all I think about. Weeknights and weekends it takes all of my willpower not to think about work for 2 minutes and not to check my work email. I know that if I check emailI will see something that will upset me. But, for some reason - I can't NOT check. There are ALWAYS issues that people are bringing up via email at all hours of the day that directly affect me and these people often "cc" many other people into the conversation. By the time, I get to respond it has often spiraled out of control. This is why I always feel like I need to check email. It's like I feel like I always have to be ready to "fix" an issue before it gets of control and if I don't check email all the time - then it's too late and I can't do anything about it?.
Ok- as you can probably tell by my rambling, I am just miserable about my work situation and know that I am totally obsessing, but I don't know what to do to get through these next months until I can get a new job and get out. And, maybe some advice on not worrying so much about what other people think.
TIA
Re: Need advice/support from someone who has been there...
What is your role in this job? if you're stepping in to "fix" things a manager/supervisor should be dealing with, you're just enabling and making yourself more miserable. So if it spirals out of control, stay out of it and let them deal with it.
And I see you have a child. Perhaps focus on spending quality time with your LO instead of checking your e-mail every 2 seconds.
Have you looked into networking to find more jobs?
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I'm the manager of our department, but our department works with/collaborates with many other departments. Many of the emails that should just be for me or my department to respond to are copied to the managers of other departments so that they can put their two cents in. Then when my reply is not to their liking, they start "cc'ing" my supervisor and other "higher ups" almost as if to show them that I am not playing nice.
As for the comment about my LO and checking my email every 2 seconds - point taken. I don't check my email quite as often as every 2 seconds nor when I am with him, but when he goes to bed or is hanging out upstairs with daddy- all my willpower not to check.
Your situation sounds a tad more oppressive than mine was, but I was in a very toxic, passive-aggressive work environment and I had to get out too. I did what you're planning to do: I stayed until I had another job offer; I didn't have enough saved to quit and look.
Like you, I was also a finalist at a job that had a huge, long interview process. And I didn't get it. I kept looking, and sending resumes to any position that I was remotely qualified for. I got two more interviews: one offered a salary that I couldn't viably leave my current position for, the other I didn't get a callback after the first interview. Finally, six months after I was turned down for the job I was so sure I was going to get, I got some traction in another interview process. It took 4.5 months (yes, you read that right), but I DID get that job (I've been there for 7 months now).
So I'm just offering my support, and a few words to say "hey, hang in there. It may take a long time, and it may not, but if you really want it, an opportunity will present itself to get out." I'm so glad I left. My new job is a lot more work actually, but I am treated fairly, my coworkers are bright and I actually enjoy the work (even when I get overwhelmed).
On the cc'ing issue: that is actually a thing that I've had to get used to on the NEW job. A few people feel the need to copy every person who may be fringe pertinent on any given issue. I've learned that, really, it's one of two things: 1) they don't want anyone to have an excuse to say "no one told me," or 2) they are making themselves look like they can't handle their $h!t.
Would it help to inform the "higher ups" that are being copied that you will not be responding to trivialities (maybe label them less offensively) during weekends or past a certain period at night, and won't be responsible for people's inferences as to your silence? I don't know the nature of the emails, but maybe you could preemptively explain your lack of extracurricular engagement while calling the pot-stirs for what they are.
Thank you for the words of support. Of course things seem a little better now that it's morning, but work was still the first thing on my mind when I woke up.
I do plan on talking to my boss on Monday and also reiterate to people that I do not check email on weeknights or weekends (and then really try to follow through on that) and just keep plugging away on the resumes.
Thank you!
I'm not sure exactly what the problem is - that you receive email on weekends?
Does your supervisor have your back? Meaning, if someone doesn't like your reply and emails your supervisor, does s/he 9 times out of 10 agree with you, or does your supervisor tell you to "play nicer"? (meanwhile, complaining about the person who emailed).
I would have a talk with your supervisor about the excessive emails. If you feel you don't have his/her support, mention that as well. Ask how this problem can be resolved - - are you operating the wrong way (should you provide more support to these people?), or should your supervisor step in and tell everyone that you can handle your job without copying him/her?
Also, be the change you want to see in the world. If someone cc's YOU on one of your employee's email, write back that you trust your employee to handle the correspondence correctly, and only want to be copied if there is a problem that cannot be handled by your employee.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I can relate. I'm sorry you're in a bad situation.
My most current position was stressing me out and I had a supervisor pick fights with me to show others (new people) that she was the one with power. I felt it just made her look dumb. I went to her supervisor (who I work with very regularly as well) and told him how I felt. I know he is approachable and the newest philosophy is to make sure employees are happy. Because I started speaking up for myself and offering solutions to bad times, things changed.
I also was pursuing other opportunities. I networked with my parents' contacts. In June of this year, I started networking with a new contact. He liked my resume and my attitude. After several interviews for several positions, I finally got a verbal offer this week. But the key is to stick with it and stay positive.
Stay positive in your search. Realize your current position is temporary. Don't let it bring you down. You have a DH who loves and supports you, and a child who admires you. It will get better, so hang in there!
Sorry to hear your situation. I understand how you feel. I ran a clothing outlet store straight out of college for 4 years. Thankfully, when my employees tried to go over my head my boss would explain the chain of command to them. When I was transfered from a trainning store manager to a store manager and a new store my assistant manager was already against me because she was turned down for the position I was hired for. Needless to say she was a horrible mess to deal with and I stood my grown eventually leading to her leaving. My boss was completely supportive and assured me I did the right thing and she was glad it was her and not me. I then took control of my store and hired a way better fit for my asst. and things sailed smoothly after that. I can just imagine how you feel that your superiors are not standing up for you. They need to call a meeting and let everyone know what the chain of command is and how to use it. Im surprised that they are not just as upset as you about getting emails on weekends. If I where you I would stand up and put my foot down. Are you letting people walk on you? If so they will never stop. I would go to your upper management and let them know this is not acceptable. Let them know you need help getting control of the situation. Also, let them know your considering leaving. Maybe if they can see how sick you are over the situation they will step in or give you the advice you need to get a grip on this. You may not want to hear this but maybe you should look into other lines of work. Is there any other careers that interest you? Management may not be your cup of tea and there is no shame in that. You could go into a position managing anything other than people. When I left retail management I went into nursing. I am much happier working with patients and there families than worring about people doing there job to reflect myself and how well I supposelly do my job(that get paid $8.50 an hour and really could give a crap less about there job). Good luck and sorry about my spelling:)
Oh - I know that I need to look into another line of work?or at least a different environment. I work in a hospital (I am not a nurse) and the job and situation is just too emotional. I know that that is probably the root of the problem with everyone and everything - it is a very emotionally charged environment and everyone wants to "fix" things immediately, even if that isn't practical or feasible. It's a very emotionally charged environment with too many "cooks in the kitchen" and too much bureaucracy.
Here is my observation, take it with a grain of salt since I'm a stranger on the internet: You love your work, and that's why you're checking the email at all hours. It's may not be so much about the career field, but it seems pretty clear to me that you enjoy the personal responsibility and accountability. It also appears that you prefer organization to "organized chaos".
Do yourself a favor-focus on what you CAN control, rather than what you cannot. These emails that are getting out of control-are they a result of not knowing who has the authority to respond? YOU define it and let the others react to it. Not sure who owns it? Also, step in and demand accountability from your managers. If you agree to something, document it and demand they stand behind you on it.
Regarding your personal time, it's your personal time. I actually ruined a South African vacation worrying about what was going on back home at work and checking email all the time. Life really is too short and it's not worth it. You can't control the sabotaging and stupidity of those around you. You can only own and take responsibility for what you can in your own time. People will abuse you if you make yourself available at all hours, and it doesn't sound like it's solving anything anyway.
Longer-term, look at focusing your job search on those things you do like (perhaps making the team more organized). You don't have to limit yourself to hospital jobs; some skills will take you anywhere. IMPO, that's the best place to be. GL and I hope it works out for you on Monday!
Wow - you should be my counselor!
Your advice is right on. The biggest issue is my reaction to everything and to all of the emails and I need to start controlling my own reaction. It isn't everyone else's fault that I get so sucked into the emails and the drama - it's my own fault and I need to learn to deal with that better.
Thank you everyone.