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XH Vent
While we were going through our divorce he would try to get me to sleep with him after we had to meet for our paperwork or seperating our items. He doesn't know I am dating anybody so I just ignored him and his advances/attempts to flirt with me. Then he told me one day "well, I started dating S last night so it has to stop" ?! - It never started - but okay, I was happy that he would stop bothering me about it.
Then a few weeks later he tells me "well S & I broke it off, we are still friends - just 'we' aren't ready for a relationship yet again." ... Keep in mind, she has been single for the better part of a year I think. (I had been hearing of her as a friend for the bulk of the time we were seperated.) So the attempts to get me in bed resumed - not every day - just when he thought he would be seeing me for some reason.
We are offically divorced now - but we still talk on occassion - he will only ever call me when he is in his car. (I suspect they live together? Don't honestly care but he still says he lives at home.) That being said, he called me the other day - while he was on breakt @ work - but I was at work as well so I didn't answer. I sent him a text a bit later that just said "at work, what's up?" he responded by saying "oh didn't know you were @work-was gonna ask you to bring me lunch" ... ?!?? I live 20 minutes away from where he works and don't frequent that side of town.. WTF? I just said "oh sorry." .. THEN he had the nerve to ask for a dirty pic text from me. I didn't respond to him.
Now, keep in mind, he and S have never actually broken up! His mom deleted me from her FB account, BUT, not all of her children have deleted me and I haven't deleted them to see who was the last hold out in his family. (HA!) She has a handful of grandchildren and when she posts photos of them, she will tag ALL her kids and their spouses or s/o in at least one of the new photos, this includes S. And this was just halloween that the newest was posted. So..
My first thought is:
Does S know he does this? (I doubt it) What would she say or do if she knew he did?
My Second thought is:
Did he do this to his other "female friends" when we were together/married??
My final thought then is:
Hmm.. Should I tell her?
I know her last relationship ended due to cheating. A big part of me wants to say don't comment - but there is that evil side of me that wants to. For now, I just leave it and dont say anything to even him.
Re: XH Vent
No, she does not know this, or if she does, he's lied to her about it and made her feel crazy about it. Yes, he did this while the two of you were married, a lot farther back than you might think. No, you should not say anything to her; but enjoy your revenge fantasy in that regard! Fun to think about.
yes, yes it is!
And you are right on another point - If she does know, he has probably lied of it and/or turned it around and it's her fault.
Why are you returning this guy's texts? You are divorced, you don't need to keep in touch (unless you have children or an asset/house you are still trying to sell).
If you don't like his advances, stop communicating with him completely.
THIS x 1000
Move on with your life and leave him to get his sh!t together. He's not your problem anymore!
Ive continued being friends with ex boyfriends but this is something else completely. Why are you entertaining these ideas with your ex? He sounds crude and immature. Id completely drop him from my life ( as long as there are no shared children, and if there are that sucks for you ). He treats women like pieces of meat. Yuck. How did you stand him for however long you where married?
Oh yes. Block this assshole.
Just because we divorced doesn't mean we have to be enemies.
Well no, but it doesn't mean you have to be friends, either.
Do you ever plan on meeting someone else? Because to an outsider, it would seem that you are still emotionally involved with your X.
Yes, but if he isn't respecting boundaries then there's no need to communicate with him... The fact that you respond to anything other than when you two can eventually separate your cell phone plans, just translates to encouragement for him. You can be friendly and not talk to each other... I'm friendly with my exH, but we don't talk... there's no need. We've both moved on and wish each other well, but we don't have to talk about it.
This. Also, I don't think you need to go together to get off the same cell plan. My best friend is going through a divorce and managed separate their cell plan while living in 2 different states.
Honestly, if you DO want to be friends (which I don't get why since A) he constantly propositions you knowing you aren't interest
while he has a girlfriend and C) after he cheated on you when you all were together, but that's your choice) you need to give it some time. If he is still trying to sleep with you, he obviously doesn't see you as just a friend. I would suggest not communicating (except about the phone) until you both are in a place where you can just be friends without mentions of sex.
My friends don't send me sex pics.
My FRIENDS do not make unwanted advances towards me. Even when I was single and available, they respected my friendship enough to not make crude come-ons and assume I was available for sex with them.
If this is the kind of FRIENDSHIP that you want, by all means, keep in contact with him, but stop complaining / venting, because it comes with that FRIENDLY package.
Even when I know what I should do, sometimes its hard to do it, or difficult to do it completely so I may make a partial attempt en route to actually doing it. I dont know your back story but that may be your case too as you are disconnecting emotionally from him.
While I agree you should completely stop responding I also think you should feel free to vent here whenever you need.
PP who said that their friends don't send them sex pics - he doesn't send me photos of him - that would result in me cutting ties 100% with him as somebody who I am even friendly with.
We do not talk every day - we talk maybe once a week. We've inquired of splitting our phones without him there but since his name the only name on the account, I cannot make any changes to his plan without him there. Some people may let me but if I draw the short straw and catch a stickler, I won't be able to. (And that is my luck.)
Saphire, thank you!
Your story is all over the place. Just from reading your few posts I can tell your not threw with your ex. Try to have an open mind when you ask for advice on this site or "vent". Your going to hear opinions your not going to like but sometimes its actually the right advice and it can open your eyes. If your ex continues to make advances towards you then you must have given him a reason to believe he may have a chance. Also, you can change your phone service if your name is on it too. If your name is not on it then you have nothing to worry about. Legally any business would have to stop your service if you request (that dosent make any sense). Like I said, your finding excuses to keep him around. The STD thing is gross not to mention scary. You can do better.
Nope, never given him any indication I want anything sexual from him or that it's okay - he's just that creepy. Hence why he is my ex and not h. I can and have done better. I ignore him when he does that. Which is probably the issue.
I don't want to cancel my phone line - I just want to switch it to my own plan, for a number of reasons I must keep the number I have. That being said - he has to be there. I don't stay on his cell plan for my health.
What I've been thinking about telling him is this:
"I know you and S are dating and I don't appreciate the advances - if you want to cheat on your girlfriend then find somebody else. " However, I want to be off his plan .. he can call and "interupt" my services (and he did when we were married).
Regarding the phone plan, why don't you just go out and get your own then tell him to take you off his. If your name isn't on it, who cares? I realize you'd probably lose your number, but it seems way easier than having to deal with him. Added bonus, he wouldn't have your new number. All problems solved. It seems like you are both holding onto this phone thing to have a "reason" to stay in contact. I find it very hard to believe he has been working every single hour that the store is open.
Also people are giving you advice because this "vent" is totally in your control. Sure your XH is a sleaze, but you continuing to engage with him on a friendly level is just encouraging his behavior even if you ignore the sleazy stuff. You need to let this go.
YES YES YES! I want to be your best friend for this.
You say "I show no interest, he's that sleazy" Then WHY are you communicating with him 1 a week? Which is more than I talk to most of my friends. Simply by responding to him you are encouraging him. Give this "friendship" some space! Quit responding, quit communicating and let it all go! This doesn't mean you are enemies, but really, WHY do you want to be in contact with him if you think he is sleazy?
Have HIM call the phone company and say "my ex wife is going to be calling to switch her phone number to an individual plan. " and as long as they know you will be calling and that he authorizes it all you have to do is call customer service and get your plan set up with the same phone number. That's how I did it with my ex husband.
now stop talking to him and enabling his sleazery.