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The Worst Night Yet
Hi All,
I am just hoping for some encouragement and positive messages tonight. It's been four months since my DH and I separated. I suppose I started the process when I left the house because I just needed space to be myself without someone always criticizing me. I never intended it to lead to a separation. I know I hurt my DH alot by leaving but he had done so much to lead up to that point that I felt justified but idk. I didn't realize it was the end of my life as I knew it. After I left, the house was sold quickly (we both agreed to get rid of it) and we split everything 50/50, including our two dogs (heartbreaking). It all happened so fast that I could barely process it or really understand what was happening.
I am now in a 2-bedroom condo with a roommate. I lost the friends of mine that were his first. I lost most of our stuff since we sold it, I barely have anything. Nothing in my life right now is recognizable or familiar. I feel so disoriented and this life doesn't feel right at all. It's all wrong. Sometimes theses feelings make me so miserable and panicky...what have I done to my life...
I thought during these four months we would work on our relationship and the issues. We are both seeing counselors...I talk to mine about him and our relationship but my DH has really only talked to his counselor about his career and life goals, etc. His counselor said he should bring me in to his sessions, but he declined - he wanted to work on himself first, which okay. We check-in with each other regularly and I ask what he is thinking about our future, etc. but he usually doesn't want to talk about it much.
Since today hits the 4-month mark and we were only supposed to be separated for six months (my lease is only 6 months), I really felt the need to finally talk to him. I have noticed he hasn't really been receptive lately so I wanted to just get it all out and figure out if this is it. I am just confused about what the purpose of this time apart is.
So I called him and asked if we could meet tonight but he wants to go out and party tonight (he invited me but I declined). I told him I really wanted to talk and that I missed him...there was silence...but then he said he was busy doing his hair right now and had to leave soon to get frozen custard. I started crying like a pathetic fool so we hung up. He said we would talk tomorrow but it never seems to happen.
I can't explain the distress I feel at not being able to talk to the one person I need/want to talk to right now. I don't understand how you can "love" someone but then just abandon them emotionally so easily. He is so inaccessible these days, yet he will always invite me out or over to watch a movie so I know he still wants to hang but he never wants to talk about anything. I try so hard to respect that but I need some sort of conversation at some point.
I try to give him space and time because I know I needed it in the beginning and I know I wasn't easy to deal with. But I guess I am just wondering where this is all going and what the heck he is thinking/feeling. I am glad he is figuring himself out but what about us? What am I supposed to do during this time? I already know my life goals, career and hobbies. My life is full of stuff to keep me ridiculously busy.
Tonight I just lost it though. I can't stop crying. Granted, I haven't slept in 3 days because I have had this high fever and awful cold...I just feel like I am losing it. I miss him more than I can bear right now. It's so frustrating that I can't see him or hear him or anything. It would be so nice to talk to him about all of this and just about everything that has happened so I can process it all and maybe move on.
Re: The Worst Night Yet
Take some Nyquil and go to sleep. Rest as much as you can tomorrow, and repost this when you're able to absorb things and think about them.
Ditto this. I know this is a really hard time for you right now, and I think we can all relate to the feeling of a life that you no longer recognize. Just take it one day at a time and stay busy. It sounds almost as if you need to wait for him to approach you to talk because he may just not be ready yet. Lots of hugs!! And I hope you start feeling better, being sick and exhausted definitely makes the emotions a million times worse.
I'm so sorry. YOu need to get sleep first of all, that will help. Then do something nice for yourself. Get a Mani &Pedi and some fuzzy socks and a new bathrobe and a favorite movie to watch. Give yourself a day off from the grief.
Crazyincidents - I fought for both dogs but he would not give the other one up. He offered to give me everything but her (I didn't take that deal but just showing how much she is worth to him) and just got so angry when I even mentioned it or tried to take her. I took the dog he beat because I knew she wouldn't be safe - they have never gotten along. The other dog he seems to take care of really well, he's completely trained her, and loves her more than anyone/anything. She relaxes him unlike the other dog. I did try my hardest though but he would not budge. Short of dognapping her, I didn't know what else to do. I believe she is safe and honestly now that I am in my new, little space, I wouldn't even know what to do with her here (she is a big dog that only listens to him). He was remorseful over hurting the other dog and did take steps to remedy his relationship with her, but also, he is in counseling now and working a lot on himself. I don't see the anger issues that existed years ago when he hurt the other dog one time. I'm not sure what else to do?
Thanks everyone for the support. I was in a bad place last night but I am feeling better after some sleep. I wish I could spend the day resting but I have a volunteer shift for the day so I just hope I can get through it and another work week until the 3-day weekend, which is already full of stuff but oh well. I just hope I can somehow find my way through this mess and be happy again. I know I just have to wait for him to start the talk but after waiting four months, I guess my patience is wearing thin.