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So dumb - "brilliant" gift idea for the IL's.
This is dumb, but I have to "vent" (if it's really that).
So, for a number of years, we've been drawing names on Thanksgiving between our immediate families for Christmas. So we all just need to buy one $50 gift. On many levels, it's great.
In more recent years, when we draw names, we actually have to write our name down and 2 or 3 gift ideas so that the person who picks you, has something to work with.
For a number of years, both my IL's (and my brother, but that's a whole different story) would wax and moan about "oh, we don't know what we want", blah blah blah.
A- this isn't a surprise. COME TO DINNER w/ some ideas already!
B- this isn't mandatory. If it's that difficult, just say 'we aren't going to participate'. No biggie.
For 3 years in a row, MIL wrote down "white blouse". She got a white blouse 2 years in a row. We have yet to see her wear either one. so, clearly, it was just "something" to right down.
So last year (largely due to the IL's), we decided to do a white elephant exchange. Most everyone got into the spirit of it and made a real effort to come up w/ a fun gift they thought most people would enjoy.
My brother clearly went to the Gap at the last minute and got a completley mis-matched scarf/hat/gloves set. It was really pretty appalling, to be honest.
My FIL got a bird feeder. Because HE loves bird feeders. Because he heard someone describe this whole this as "give a gift you know you'd like to get". He took it a bit far, but all in all- his heart was in the right place. Just NO ONE in our little group wants a fricking bird feeder other than him. But he did at least THINK about it, which is more than my brother did.
My MIL's gift was a bottle of scotch VERY specifically meant for my dad. She was like "pick that bag, pick that bag". O.k..... tha'ts really not the point. we're not buying a gift for one person in particular. But.... whatever.
So, anyhow... we're all picking gifts, getting into the spirit of it. MIL happens to get my brothers gift (which, by the way, he was like (before she opened it) "That's the gift to pick!!! It's the best one!"). She opened it and... while it was crappy, she was SOOOO unbelivably nasty and rude. "What am I going to do w/ this? I have no need for this". As much as I thought the gift was horrible, her reaction was even worse.
My mother ended up "stealing" the gift from her in order to shut her up.
Seriously- it was horrid.
So- I talked to my mom about this year. What do we do? I kind of want to go back to drawing one persons name. But what do we do when the IL's start into their "we don' tknow what we want" and she writes down "white blouse" again.
I don't know why I ddin't think of it, but there is a restaurant they ALWAYS go to that we just need to try and hook up the 2 people who get the two of them, and just get them a $100 GC to that restaurant.
It's so simple, but yet so brilliant. I was like "YES!!!! That's perfect. They'll love it.". And perhaps we can all go back to ENJOYING the gift giving portion of the night.....
Oy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: So dumb - "brilliant" gift idea for the IL's.
Hahahah at least your MIL doesn't demand her husband (my FIL) to take her out on a weekend trip for her birthday and demand that she has a party to invite everyone to bring her gifts.
Seriously, when do people forget that gift is something you don't demand? Whatever you get, just be grateful or at least act like you like it! Sheesh.
But to answer your question...ha it looks like the White Elephant thing was a bust. Guess you are back to buying the MIL a white blouse
Give her a big box of nothing, but wrapped very pretty!
Do you HAVE to exchange gifts in this manner? Sounds like hell every year, and you KNOW it's going to happen which makes it worse. Ugh.
The white elephant thing was clearly a bust. So go back to drawing names, and screw the part where everyone writes down something they'd like, that's not working either, and everyone can go back to thinking up something they think the person would like and buying that. Which, really, is the more fun way to do it anyway.
I do the whole "I don't know what I want" thing every year. I honestly don't know what I would like. I can spend the whole day shopping, seeing a dozen different things I want but as soon as someone asks I am a deer in the headlights. My mom asked for a list from me and I can't think of a single thing.
I am really bad about receiving gifts too. I am really grateful that somebody took the time & effort to buy something but I feel greedy when I am opening gifts. On the other hand, I love giving gifts. I'm a freak.
I've already told my friends and family that once I get pregnant (if ever) there is absolutely no showers. None, I don't want gifts.
Brilliant. If nothing else, it will possibly make people think about how hard they are to buy for.
Gift giving to parents is always difficult, my parents have said for several years they want gifts with "planned obsolescence" so they know it won't linger. So food, booze, gift certificates work. Try keeping that in mind when you shop for ILs.
Whenever I've done a white elephant the point has always been to find something around your house that you don't want and make that your gift. The weirder, crappier and off the wall it is, the better. The fun of it is to see how crazy people get with picking out their gift to give. I've never heard of a white elephant being great gifts!
Aside from that, I would almost want to just forget gifts with your family and just have the little kids in the family exchange gifts. I've been trying to convince my family to do this the past few years because everyone always has such a hard time coming up with something (we draw names) and you know what you're getting because it was the only thing on the list!
Instead of the giant gift grab with the whole family, we play "dirty Santa" with ornaments -- for a group of 20. Everyone buys 1 ornament that reflects them, wrap it & then we draw numbers & pick one, open it & the next person can either take one that's already opened or open a different one. If stolen, that person gets to take another (steal or open). After the 3rd "steal" the ornament is safe with the person who has it. It's fun, interactive & inexpensive.
The individual families ( eg. Dh's sister, her husb & kids) do whatever they want with gifts at their own homes instead of in front of everybody.
I"m w/ the 'make it oranments/food/etc.
I mean, if it's token gifts, if they're really limited to a token, it helps.
This is why, when you propose the idea of a white elephant gift exchange, it's completely done in fun and no one should be expecting something particularly nice.
It's way less about getting something good and more about giggling through the actual 'swap.' Last time my H got a CD of a reading of the 2000 census and I got a box full of doorknobs (it sounded good when I shook it
).
Last one I went to I got a very used bowling ball and BF got hula girl salt and pepper shakers that played Hawaiian music when you turned them upside down. Unfortunately, BF liked the salt and pepper shakers.
One year a got a really, really old bottle of cheap champagne. I'm saving that one for the next white elephant that I participate in. We used to do WE parties every year at our work/outside of work Christmas party.
One year I got a giant, almost-expired box of microwave popcorn. I didn't have a microwave.
I like the idea of doing something simple like an ornament exchange. You can get some really pretty (or bizarre) ornaments that way.
Lurker here.
If you are going to continue with the drawing of names for an exchange, I suggest using Elfster. It takes care of a lot of the headache. Plus you can create a wishlist for yourself and send suggestions to other people (such as the restaurant gift card you mentioned) to add to their wishlist.
It has worked really well for us. For the people who can't come up with something they want, most have been good about suggesting a place to donate money in their name in lieu of a gift.