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I havn't cried
The last time I cried for stbxh and our relationship/marriage was 3 and a half years ago years ago. We were on the couch watching TV and the fireplace going, when out of the blue he says he wanted a divorce because he did not love me. This was almost a year after we got married and took me by surprise. He even told our Pastor bluntly that he did not love me and wanted to divorce. I cried for 2 weeks straight and even almost got in a car wreck from crying too hard(I should have pulled over to cry, dumb me). Stbxh changed his mind and told me not to bring this issue up again.
So in June/July of this year going through the roller coaster of selling our home so I could be a stay at home mom, he confessed he still does not love me and those feelings never came for him. Clearly he wanted a divorce.
I love my ds so much but stbxh should not have had a baby with me if he was feeling this the whole time. He had leaded me on. Our marriage was based on a lie since he could not be truthful to himself.
I have not cried at all. It has been more than 4months now that we separated. Don't get me wrong, I was in so much pain, so much that I had hard time breathing at night when trying to sleep. I lost 20 pounds in the first 5 weeks. Now that pain in my chest/heart has subdued greatly and I am enjoying my life right now since I have been spending a lot of time with really good friends and church family.
I am just curious... anyone had a reaction like me? Did the tears come at a later time? Or it was just the way you reacted? I have been seeing a therapist weekly as soon as I found out about my divorce and that does greatly help... I often get the comment that "the tears just might not have happened yet or you've been through worse things and survived so you already know you can survive this" comments.
I just wonder if I am alone in the not crying reaction or not.
Re: I havn't cried
Everyone reacts differently to situations. I agree that you've had awhile to process this so that may be a factor.
I normally don't react to a situation by crying until weeks/months later and it's something random that triggers it. Just ask the bloom meat counter guy when I freaked out ver hamburger one day
I cried for a while and then I was just numb. It sneaks up on me and little things set it off...sometimes I feel like the tears are percolating under the surface just waiting for an excuse to spring up...but other times I wish I could cry and nothing is there.
It's different for everyone. Are you in therapy? That tends to bring out the water works for me.
This is a good point, I like how you put this into words. I may have been in so much denial or a big part of me had to try everything I could to make it work just to be extra sure. I had so much doubt within myself it wasn't even funny.
I just have to be thankful that my perspective is changing into a better one.
I have been in weekly therapy since July. I have only cried once in therapy which lasted like 30 seconds and it was over something that happened when I was like 3 years old. Sometimes I wish I could cry and yet nothing is there so I understand that very well.
It is good to know there are others who don't necessarily cry right away.
I cried right after I left, and again after I filed. I didn't cry until just recently, when I started reading a book that really got to me and where I was in putting my life back together. Fortunately, those were very happy tears when I realized that I didn't have to live with the stupid guilt I had been tugging around.
I take tears as a way of releasing the emotion. For me it usually indicates that I've actually processed whatever it is I'm going/have gone through.
I talked to my counselor about this because in the immediate months after my separation I didn't cry at all. I think a lot of it has to do with shock and denial. However, she also made a really good point. You can feel only so much emotions at once and during this time there are tons of emotions going on at once - guilt, anger, sadness, hopelessness, relief, excitement, etc.You can really only feel one powerful emotion at a time.
You may just be feeling other emotions right now and the urge to cry may come much later once your body/mind/heart is able to find the space and time to feel the sadness. Or you just may not be the type of person who expresses herself with tears - maybe it comes out in another way? Just try to feel what you feel when you feel it and then stay happily distracted.
I ended up crying months and months later at the worst times. The tears would just come out at random moments and I would literally not be able to stop...it was awful but I know totally necessary. I think during this time, trying to control emotions is just a lost cause.