I know I can't be the only one...

pinkladie92 · November 2011

Alright. Just started my 3rd trimester, 2nd baby. Our sex life sucks! We will have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a week, but never more than that. When we don't have sex hubby complains that I never "pleasure" him enough and recently found porn on our computer(again). It really bothers me that he would rather do that than do me. Does anyone else have this problem? We've talked about it and he swears it will never happen again but it's always in the back of my head. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, nor will I ever be because I won't EVER look like those girls. Am I wrong to feel this? I already know that I look like a whale, this just rubs it in my face! So I guess my real question is, what can I do (if anything) at this point? Or do I just need to wait it out till January after the pregnancy is over and I'm back to my size 5's?

ljsaboe · November 2011

I gotta say, you have sex WAY more often than me and my BF do. we have an 18 month old and a 4 mont old and we maybe do it once a week, if we are lucky. The only differance is that i am the one who is disinterested. he has had to remind me that not all intimate moments need to end in sex. perhaps a little oral is in order? or things along those lines. your husband doesnt expect you to look like the women in magazines or internet, he knows that you have had your body morphed into what it is now by your children and he should love you no matter what. i think a little experiminting with other ways of "satisfaction" may help him feel physically closer. good luck.

karlee4ever · November 2011

I have found porn on FI's computer. Actually... funny story... a few weeks ago his work pc was in the shop so he was using his old one and somehow he accidently got it set up so that the screen saver was showing pics from his "pics folder" and it was just like 1 porno pic popping up. I didn't know what to say because I knew he didn't intend for that to be and I didn't want to embarrass him but I did tell him about it. Pretty funny. Anyways....

It does bother me a little bit however I know that it's not about how those girls look... its just about the sex. I know he is interested in me. As long as our sex life is healthy I won't try to put an end to it. But I have told him that I don't want to ever watch it with him or be a part of it. I just sweep it under the rug and I'm fine with that. Having sex 2-3 times a week sounds pretty healthy. I guess I wouldn't be too worried about it but if you really are then I would talk to him about it.

TarponMonoxide · November 2011

First and foremostly, you're missing a very key element that's part of the solution to every problem:

Communication.

Tell him you want to have sex more often. Sit down and discuss the topic with him; he's not a mind reader.

Your second problem:

You do not have a husband watching porn problem, you have a husband with a character flaw.

You priorly discussed this. He told you he'd never do it again -- he swore not to, in fact -- but yet, he's still watching porn.

That's your problem: his character. He more or less did not uphold apromise he made to you.

Have you ever seen porn? The women in it aren't exactly the best, figure wise.

Honey, you could be a size 5 or size 50 and he'll still be watching porn. it has zero to do with your size; trust me on this.

Your problem now:

What to do about an H that won't keep a promise he made to you.

Janell's Nest · November 2011

I agree with Tarpon, and I'll also say that most men look at porn at some point in their lives. My DH looks at it, mind you he travels for work about 35-40 weeks a year so just taking care of business in the shower isn't going to always work out. I don't really have a problem with it, because I know with 100% certainty he's coming home to me...and if you think porn women are hot, maybe you should go look at some of them.

artbyallie · November 2011

1. We have sex an average of 3x/week. We are newlyweds. I think that's quite frequent. The only way we'd have more would be if we were both always ready to go when the other was--which will never be the case with any two people.

2. Porn is seriously no big deal as long as he's not getting viruses from it or spending large amounts of money on it without telling you.

3. If it is a big deal in your mind, find a guy who doesn't look at it. They're out there, though rare. As Tarpon pointed out, you shouldn't be with a guy who's going to lie to you.

KayleighJW · November 2011

It's been a while since I've been on, but this caught my attention. On the subject of porn, it really used to bother me too, like until just recently. And knowing how I grew up(very religiously) my H, understood my beliefs on it and quit looking at it whenever we got serious when we were dating.

Fast forward to now. I'd NEVER really seen porn, then a friend of mine was talking about how her husband's extreme issue with it, like TONS of computer space filled with it. So I talked to my H about it, and how guys really viewed porn and those girls. Basically, he broke it down to me like this, a lot of the women he sees aren't the types of women he'd EVER want to be with. In his mind they aren't attractive, and when he's not turned on porn is actually pretty gross. Basically he doesn't want to be with those women, he doesn't think they're sexy or even remotely attractive. It's just there.

I hope this helps, and like the other women have said communication is key!

boogiequeen3 · November 2011

For someone in their 3rd trimester(2nd baby) you are having TONS of sex. I was not interested in sex at all that late in my pregnancies. Maybe I'm a prude but the only time I want my husband watching porn is if I'm watching it with him. If I found it on our computer I'd be extremely upset. JMO though.