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Looking for advice...living situation
Lurker here, looking for some advice. My exH and I divorced this past August. My son (2 1/2) and I have been living with my parents since my ex and I separated (a little over a year) to try to get back on my feet.
I recently found an apartment, and planned on moving in December 5th (already put $400 deposit down, which is non-refundable). My lease would be for 14 months, and would financially strap us. I have been dating a guy for almost 2 months, but we have known each other about a year. He is the one for me, and I know he is. He gets along great with my son, and my son adores him. He asked us to move in with him. He lives 5 minutes from my office (I have a 50 minute commute), and it would save me a ton of money).
Do I make the jump and move in with him? Do I stay at my parents a little longer? Do I move into the apartment and be strapped? Help!!
Re: Looking for advice...living situation
No.
Also, why did you decide on an apartment that would "strap" you?
You are about to make a bunch of very bad decisions. Don't do it!
Stay with mom and dad if the apt. would truly "strap" you.
(I have chosen this as my hill to die on, so sorry for the bluntness. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH AN S.O. OUT OF CONVENIENCE.)
Don't jump into anything you are not 100% sure about. It seems like you don't know what to do since you are asking internet strangers. If that is the case, don't force anything to happenand stay put until you feel 100% confident. I question the logic of moving in with a guy just so you can save a lot of money.
You have your son's heart to protect besides your own. Personally, I think being on your own for a while can do wonders for your own self confidence. However, I am questioning why you put a down payment on a rental that will strapp you?
It's great that your son likes your BF, blah blah blah. But no, don't move in with him. You need to be dating a LOT longer than 2 months before moving in together when a child is involved.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This, exactly. Do not move in with this man out of convenience. You may have known him your entire life but you've still only been dating for 2 months. Stay with your parents until you can afford to go out on your own. You have a young son who needs stablilty in his life. Staying with your parents seems like the best bet right now.
no. You never live with someone for the sake of money or convenience.
Also, you may have a no cohabitation clause in your decree. I would check that too.
Do not move into an apartment (esp. w/ a 50 minute commute) that will strap you for cash. That was a horrible decision in the first place. I can understand being eager to get out of your parents place, but wait on it.
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH YOUR BF. Especially with your 2.5 year old son. I have a son who will be 2 on NYE and I won't move him into a home with another man unless there's a wedding being planned. You have to realize that your actions aren't just affecting your life, but also that of your son.
Stay with your parents, save up some more cash and enjoy your new relationship. No need to rush anything.
I'm another vote for don't move in with him yet
Ditto Only, I'm very against moving in with a SO out of convenience. I'm currently living with mom and dad too, and while it's a HUGE inconvenience (and practically driving me nuts right now) I have the satisfaction of knowing that I'll be back on my own two feet soon.
You have been dating for 2 months. Do not move yourself and your son in with this man. A 14 month lease should be a good time frame for getting to know this man before you decide whether or not you'd like to continue to be in a relationship with him.
I would advise against living with your bf at this point. You have a child and have only been dating 2 months. First you are setting your ds up for disapopintment if things don't work out. You don't want to cause unneeded feeling of instability on the part of your child. Second, not to sound unromantic, but when you have a kid you need to think of moving in with a SO as a business transaction ... get a roommate prenup so you are covered in the event you break up and have some cash to start back out on your own with. Things to consider:
1. If your SO owns the place you will move to and you put money into capital improvements, will he buy you out if you move out?
2. How will discipline of your childer under your joint roof work?
3. How will your SO handle visits from your child's father?
4. What amount of rent will you pay? And you should pay some so no one can say you are just looking for someone to pay your bills ... and they will if you aren't paying rent.
5. Will you need to provide a security deposit?
Have you and your child ever even slept at SO's house yet?
Do not move in with a man just so you can have the rent paid. Thye have a name for women like that and it's not flattering, and it's not a good example for your child.
Stick with your parents house till you can afford your own place.