Family Matters
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What kind of counselor?

OK - I'm digging in to finding some kind of therapy.  I don't exactly want a sounding board, but I need to have help in processing how I'm doing in relation to a variety of family/extended family drama that has been long going on (raised dysfunctionally, toxic parents, parental alienation) and continued throughout my adult life (heavy interference and alienation techniques again from my parents involving my own children, combative - including physical - towards myself and my husband, spurts of just withdrawing from them only to be sucked back in under the guise of their poor health, et cetera) and ramped up considerably in the last couple of years which would include false legal charges, destruction of property, lots of "take sides" type estrangements, betrayals...you name it.  Not trying to be vague here..it is what it is and to detail would not be appropriate on the board or germaine to the question.  Basically I want completely out.  I'm pregnant now and I shouldn't have to deal with people addicted to drama.  I am hurt, feel loss for some of my loved ones, but I have to be through and through completely.  

So...since I can't change anything, and they won't change anything (family counseling or shared sessions with extended family has been turned down on their part), I have to learn to just accept but I am having a difficult time with it heart and mind-wise.  Meaning, I can't seem to get past certain things, I dwell on thoughts, my dream life is constant rebattleing things from the past.   The stress is having physical effects on me now, and like I said, I'm pregnant and really can't or shouldn't have this right now.

So - now that I sound completely weak and stupid - what kind of therapist am I looking for?  I honestly don't know...a psychologist?  a psychoterapist? 

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Re: What kind of counselor?

  • So I normally just lurk but wanted to tell you that you don't sound weak or crazy or stupid or anything. You sound like you're making a healthy decision for yourself.

     

    As for finding a therapist... I'd look for someone who specializes in family issues. Even if it's individual counseling, someone with a background in family dynamics can really help shed some light on the situation and help you move forward.

     

    Lots of luck to you! Take care and remember: You're doing the right thing for yourself and for your family.

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  • A psychologist or psychotherapist would both be fine for what you are looking for.

     A psychologist undergoes years of study, earning a license, to talk and interpret, advise, and assist patients increase their outlook in life.

     A psychotherapist may not be a licensed professional, but can be a regular individual trained in human interaction to interact and help individuals improve their sense of wellbeing.

    A CSW would fall into psychotherapist catagory and I think they do an excellent job in a lot of cases.

    The most important thing is to find one that you really like. It may take 2 or 3 people before you find one you really click with.






  • imagemagsugar13:

    A psychologist or psychotherapist would both be fine for what you are looking for.

     A psychologist undergoes years of study, earning a license, to talk and interpret, advise, and assist patients increase their outlook in life.

     A psychotherapist may not be a licensed professional, but can be a regular individual trained in human interaction to interact and help individuals improve their sense of wellbeing.

    A CSW would fall into psychotherapist catagory and I think they do an excellent job in a lot of cases.

    The most important thing is to find one that you really like. It may take 2 or 3 people before you find one you really click with.




    The terminology is tricky, at least here in the grand old state of California. Not sure where you are, but here, Psychologist and Psychotherapist aren't, as far as I know, official, enforceable terms, so if you're really wanting someone to talk to, you should go by what some of my friends call "The Initials".

    That is, an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker - sometimes they do therapy as well, with a focus on policy for the most part), MFT (marriage and family therapist - usually focus strongly on therapy, sometimes with a concentration on publishing, less on research), a Clinical Psychologist (usually a PsyD (psychology doctorate, usually with a focus on client work) or a PhD (usually more with a focus on research).

    My MA is in Clinical Psychology, for example, but I'm on the MFT track. I know less about the LCSW track, but I'm pretty sure (!!) they focus on Clinical Social Work and less on the Psychology of it all. Anyway, someone will correct me if I'm wrong on that I'm sure. :)

    Look up your local/state Board of Behavioral Sciences online and see if you can get a clear idea of what expertise does what, and how it relates to what you're looking for.

    HTH. :) GL!!

  • imageJoEsther:


    The terminology is tricky, at least here in the grand old state of California. Not sure where you are, but here, Psychologist and Psychotherapist aren't, as far as I know, official, enforceable terms, so if you're really wanting someone to talk to, you should go by what some of my friends call "The Initials".

    That is, an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker - sometimes they do therapy as well, with a focus on policy for the most part), MFT (marriage and family therapist - usually focus strongly on therapy, sometimes with a concentration on publishing, less on research), a Clinical Psychologist (usually a PsyD (psychology doctorate, usually with a focus on client work) or a PhD (usually more with a focus on research).

    My MA is in Clinical Psychology, for example, but I'm on the MFT track. I know less about the LCSW track, but I'm pretty sure (!!) they focus on Clinical Social Work and less on the Psychology of it all. Anyway, someone will correct me if I'm wrong on that I'm sure. :)

    Not a correction but an addition: It doesn't take much to call yourself a "psychotherapist." You should look for both a certification (the initials) and experience. Some LCSWs have not done any therapy/counseling outside their initial clinical training, and other LCSWs are highly trained, hugely experienced in family therapy. Definitely go with someone who is trained and experienced in family therapy, and who has some sort of professional certification (which can also include psychiatrists, btw). If you are near a major medical center or university, check into their Dept of Psychiatry or Clinical Psychology and inquire about faculty who have this kind of expertise. The medical center where I did my medical training had a family studies clinic that was supervised by MDs (psychiatrists), PhDs (psychologists), and LCSWs who basically all did the same kind of therapy with the same focus (family and couples issues).

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'd be looking for one who uses cognitive behavior therapy which you can learn to help you get unstuck and learn new ways of thinking about things. CBT is the path from victim to survivor.
  • I would make an appointment with your general doctor, explain some of the situation, and ask for a recommendation.  Your OB may be able to recommend someone as well, so maybe ask at your next checkup.  They can hear feedback from other patients and can sometimes pair you well.  We got a referral for a therapist for H after a brain injury and were lucky to find a good match on the first try. His physiatrist knew the local therapists specialties and she was able to offer some input on things she'd heard back so we were able to pick one we thought would be a good match.
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  • As others have said, the answer depends somewhat on your state.  Your state may have LCSWs, MFTs, LPCs (LPCCs?), and Licensed Clinical Psychologists, or some combination thereof.  LCSWs' school curriculum is less focused on therapeutic techniques than that for MFTs.  It seems like MFTs and LPCCs are somewhat equivalent (it depends on the state).  Clinical Psychologists have doctoral degrees and thus have the most school time.

    I'm a little biased, as I'm also MFT track, but...I think that for what you're describing, an MFT may be a good choice.  That's because so much of what you're describing is classic family systems stuff and MFTs are trained to work on interpersonal relationships even in individual therapy through things such as examining family-of-origin issues.

    I think the most important thing is finding a therapist with whom you feel comfortable, which you can't determine just from a degree or a license.  There are great, qualified therapists with any of the licenses.  I recommend getting referrals from your insurance, your doctor, friends, etc. and then calling people off the list and seeing if they seem like a good fit for you.  If you're not comfortable with the way they handle phone conversations with you, they're probably not going to be a good therapeutic match for you. 

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