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Back here for advice...
I was on here a year or two ago and I'm back because I got some really helpful advice then, and I'm needing it again.
H and I just had our 3 year anniversary. Our son is 15 months old. I dont know why I feel this way but I feel very stuck. I dont know if its me or him or us together. I constantly find myself wondering if I'm still in love or if I just "like", I don't feel anywhere near like I used to, and most the times its because I feel like his mom, his cook or his laundry service. Its hard to keep the "fire alive" I realize that but what happened to being excited for him to come home from work? Looking forward to the weekend, instead of dreading that it bc it means more time he'd be at home vs. work.
I dont want to feel this way, Ive been making myself get thru each day to keep it together for a long time now. We rarely fight, and if we do its just a disagreement about the way something was handled. We raise our son good and we have a good life compared to some, and I know these are the things I should just shut up and be grateful for.
But why do I feel like there is so much more out there? More opportunity for me to follow my career dreams, move back to my hometown, opportunity to feel more passion and companionship? I feel like I am settling and giving up so much for a relationship that I have little faith in anymore
Re: Back here for advice...
Have you taken any action to follow your career dreams, move to where you want to live?
Have you talked about this with YH?
Would you consider marriage counseling?
Does he feel the same way?
When was the last time you 2 had adult alone outside the house time together?
Are you working? Going to school?
I think you are in a rut...unhappy being a sahm. i think you need to get out, meet some people get your career going again. you NEED to figure out a plan for a sitter, he has got to understand you NEED this. You need to get out of the house on a regular basis. I would bet a lot of this feeling would go away if you were working outside the house.
You also need to have a steady date night with H. Do it every other week,....get a sitter and set a same date and time for her every 2 weeks.
Having a child added to the mix takes a lot away from the relationship as it once was. you need to learn how to take your love for your H and reshape it into a new relationship that includes a 3rd party.
I would agree I want something of my own, I'm so much to others but little to call my own. I want to get out I think youre very right,
Date night sounds so forced, so planned blehhhh. I wish the days of him surprising me still existed.
Having a child changed EVERYTHING
But I love him with everything I am none the less
It may sound bleh but you need to spend time alone with him, nd unless you have a live in sitter you dont have a choice.
It takes time to readjust after a baby..to figure out how to make it work again...you need to talk to him and tell him EXACTLY how you are feeling.
I agree with mags. You need to find a job so you can be content and you and your H are going to have to agree on childcare.
Also, date nights can be fun, even if planned.
Having a baby does change everything. You said you were on here previously; did you have issues that weren't resolved when your son was born? Could that be contributing to your unhappiness? Why do you dread him being home on the weekends? You said you don't fight, so what is it that you dread?
Not everyone is "cut out" to be a SAHM (and by not being cut out for it, I mean more that they don't enjoy it like they thought they would). I know after my three month maternity leave, I was torn between looking forward to having adult interaction again by going back to work, but dreading sending my DD to daycare for most of the time. But ultimately, I don't think I could have been a SAHM, I needed the career (ha, right now it's just a job, but I'm in college to turn it into a career) to feel 'whole', as cheesy as that sounds. It truly sounds like you're not necessarily unhappy with your H, but that being a SAHM just isn't what you thought it would be.
Can you take continuing ed classes? Find a part time job that would get you out of the house? Is your H not helping with anything at all (you said you feel like a laundry service/cook), and you could simply ask him "H, I'd really appreciate it if say, once a week you make dinner" or something like that? Does he not interact with the baby? From your post, it's hard to pinpoint what's really bothering you. It truly doesn't sound like your marriage or H is making you unhappy, it sounds more like you're not enjoying the role as a SAHM, and a full or part time job/volunteer work or even a mom's group could be just what you need to help you feel like you're getting more out of life.
Sorry if this sounds cliche or stupid or totally off-base. My brain's kind of fried today.
yeah, just because you know you're going out doesn't mean that he can't surprise you with what you'll do. The two of you should take turns planning it.
It was more agreement that the timing wasn't right between finances and he wasn't comfortable with leaving the baby alone with a "stranger". Supposedly he will feel more comfortable when the baby is older.. say 2.