Starting Over
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Only's post got me thinking about second weddings
I have ran into a lot of guys dating that have never been married and want the big wedding and to make a big deal over it. Has anyone else ran into it? I want something super low key if it ever happened again. I don't need a big dress and party.
I guess as part of me doesn't feel right about having another big ceremony and having all my friends and family there since the first one they went to didn't go so well.
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Re: Only's post got me thinking about second weddings
I hope if I ever marry again, it's to a guy who doesn't care about the show.
I'm not necessarily reluctant to have another big party because the first one "didn't go so well," but more because I have a "been there, done that" attitude toward the hassle and expense and have no interest in repeating it.
This is why I'm so thankful FF is divorced as well. Neither one of us want a big wedding -- destination wedding...here we come!
I'd feel super guilty about having a big wedding the 2nd time around, even if the other person had never been married before. I don't need the wedding, I'm in it for the marriage.
Absolutely 100% agree!
My second wedding was small but very nice since it was my stbxh's first. A wedding should be between you and the s/o.
With that said, I am mortified at the thought of doing another wedding. I can't even put it in my imaginations. I actully dislike a lot of weddings now because I think people spend more time on wedding plannings than putting in effort into the relationship. My perspective of marriage has totally changed too... 10 years ago, I wanted to be married... I am not the same girl now. Now I want to be in a healthy relationship before I consider getting married again.
I completely agree. I'd rather have a JOP wedding in jeans than a princess party and a crappy marriage. I had a beautiful wedding and a crap marriage...now I'm here. I'm over the big wedding thing. Next time it will be small, family and some friends, and my future H should also realize that a marriage is more important than a wedding.
I really hope that if I do get married again, we'd be on the same page for something small and intimate... like just us and a small town in Europe with a kick ass photographer
If he did want to something more traditional I'd hope we could compromise about the details, because really it is about the marriage and not the wedding.
I loved my big wedding, but I'm not looking to recreate it.
If I ever do marry again, I'd hope for a more low-key type of thing, something along the lines of a garden party with a few close friends.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
BF has already informed me that if we ever do get married, he hopes I won't be upset if it isn't a big deal.
I said, "Like, a beach wedding?"
He said, "Can I wear flip flops?"
I said, "Well duh!"
He said, "Perfect then."
So, if we ever enter that stage of our relationship, it's going to be about the marriage. Not about the wedding. Just the people closest to us, destinaton wedding, small and quiet.
I think it will depend on the situation. I have done the big wedding and don't really have any desire to recreate that, but I'd be open to discussing something along those lines if I end up with someone who wants one.
I think the optimal situation for me would be a destination wedding with a big reception/party when we returned. Low key would be best!
If I have another wedding, I would prefer either a small destination wedding or something at city hall (our city hall is quite beautiful, so it'd still be nice). I do not want another BWW. With that said, I'd be willing to compromise if the guy I was marrying really wanted a BWW.
I loved my big wedding. I never considered it a show; I considered it a celebration between my and H's family and friends.
If something happened to dh (or we divorced) and I re-married, I would feel just as guilty about denying a future spouse from having a party than about inviting family/friends who had seen me married before. After all, it's an invitation, not a supoena. If people don't want to go, they can always RSVP no! That's their CHOICE!
You can have a large wedding and a happy marriage. It's not as if going to the JOP in jeans guarantees that your marriage will not be a train wreck.