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Made a counseling appointment
So I took the advice given to me in my "Need Courage" post below regarding separation and getting counseling I actually get 3 free sessions through work so I called last night after the gym. I sat in the gym parking lot for an hour talking to someone and getting everything set up. She can't get me in until November 30th, but that is ok.
This is just for me. I'm not going with hopes that she can change my mind and stay. My mind is made up. I am seeing her so she can help me work things through and take that final step to tell him. H doesn't know I called yet and I'm not sure if I want to tell him or not. I didn't want to do couple's counseling because I know I wouldn't be honest and open if H was in the room with me. Plus, it seems like couple's counseling is more for trying to save the marriage rather than help you through a separation/divorce.
Can I ask about your experiences with individual counseling? Did you benefit from it?
Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
Re: Made a counseling appointment
I had to wait a while for my first session, too.
I also went just for me -- so she could help me get the courage to tell him.
After I told him, he wanted to go to some sessions together. We went to one together (with a different therapist than the one I had been seeing), and I tried to be pretty clear about the fact that I was done, and I wasn't interested in any negotiating, or working on it. When XH realized that, he didn't want to go to any more sessions together.
I continued to go on my own once a week for 3-4 months. Then I went once a month or so, and I've kind of stopped going regularly now (it's been almost a year).
My individual sessions did help me. I learned a little bit about myself. And it helped me feel even better about my decision (though I was already sure).
Good luck! Counseling es bueno. I hope you get a lot out of it.
I love my therapist. She really helped me a lot. She helped me get my self confidence and independence back, helped me learn how to effectively communicate with other people, and to not accept less than I deserve. I made lots of excuses for XFI and stayed LONG after I should have left because I was so scared of being alone.
I didn't have a great example of marriage. My mom had been married 4 times (proposed to 7), and every time she broke up/got a divorce, there was another guy right there. I NEVER saw my mother alone. Ever. (Hence why anyone who thinks moving in with a boyfriend early on with kids involved is a good idea is wrong.) My therapist helped me see that that is not who I want to be. I would rather be happy and alone that with someone just for the sake of being with someone.
She also taught me techniques to deal with my anxiety. A lot of this was helping me learn how to tell people what I need rather than just bottling it all up until I exploded. I kept everything inside (due to my fear of people leaving me) and just worried myself sick over everything. Therapy helped me learn I can tell people how I feel and lean on them when times are rough. Dr. C. helped me realize if they DO leave, I don't need them, because who needs people in their lives who just take and never give?
So, after that novel-I learned a LOT and I think everyone should go to therapy at least once in their lives. Make sure whoever you see for therapy fits with you. There are many different styles and what works for some doesn't work for others. My therapist seemed like I was talking to a girlfriend, but with lessons at the end.
This is exactly what the guy from the company that helped me make the appointment said. He suggested that when I talk to her to make my appointment that I use that as a "test" to see how personable she seems and to get an idea of her personality. He said you can usually tell a lot about a person just by talking with them on the phone. She seemed nice and like someone I can talk to freely. But we shall see on the 30th.
Thanks for both of your responses. It sounds like I definitely made the right decision!
My therapist was a life-saver... She helped me confront the truth of my marriage and both of our faults as to why it ended. She helped me work through my past which was influencing my poor choices in men and ways to rebuild my confidence and life once I left. It truly was an invaluable experience. I haven't talked with her in a few months, but I will at the end of this month to go over a few things to make sure I'm still on the right path.
Good luck, it's invaluable... just be honest with her and yourself, and make sure she's a good fit.
Good for you. Making the appointment is the first step.
As PP said, make sure your counselor fits you. I went to one who just wanted to get me "in and out" so to speak and it almost turned me off of going back.
Take your time and really say what you are feeling. They aren't going to judge you in any way and it will be a huge weight off to finally let some of that go.