Sex & Romance
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Is DH a pervert?
Ok, so this doesn't exactly have to do with sex but sort of. My hubby likes to grab at me (boobs and ass) all the time and when he isn't doing that he stares at them. I feel like a piece of meat. Especially when he does it in public. I was raised very conservatively and I still feel like that belongs in the bedroom when playing baseball (1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, etc...) 
. Anyway, I know that bothers him so I am trying to be a little more open but there is a point that he passes all the time. I sometimes wish I didn't have boobs. As you can guess, he craves sex all the time (he is a guy after all) and our sex is pretty vanilla. Is he a pervert? How do I explain to him that I don't like it? When I do, he makes me feel guilty like I should just let him do it and like it. Am I nuts for not liking it? It is getting very annoying and I am starting to get angry about it. Like fine sandpaper on the arm. it is annoying at first and you want it to stop but then after a while it starts to hurt and get deeper, etc.
. Anyway, I know that bothers him so I am trying to be a little more open but there is a point that he passes all the time. I sometimes wish I didn't have boobs. As you can guess, he craves sex all the time (he is a guy after all) and our sex is pretty vanilla. Is he a pervert? How do I explain to him that I don't like it? When I do, he makes me feel guilty like I should just let him do it and like it. Am I nuts for not liking it? It is getting very annoying and I am starting to get angry about it. Like fine sandpaper on the arm. it is annoying at first and you want it to stop but then after a while it starts to hurt and get deeper, etc.
Re: Is DH a pervert?
Sheesh -- what is he, in seventh grade?:(
He also should NOT be doing that in front of anybody. It'll look more than childish? You bet it will -- at the very best, it will look strange and weird.
Again, you need to COMMUNICATE.
I'd sit him down stat and tell him that his octopus ways must GO, no questions asked. You do not feel comfortable with him being grabby, in the privacy of your home and you do NOT like his grabbiness in public.
Not all men want sex all the time -- it is up to the individual.
He needs to cut out the grabbiness immediately. If he keeps it up after that, this is a blatant disregard of your feelings and lack of character --- and if he does indeed keep doing it, tell him the grabbiness goes or YOU will, right out the door.
This is such bullsh*t. She doesn't want to be fondled in public, that doesn't make her a prude.
OP, your husband is being very disrespectful by continuing these advances after you've made it clear how you feel. You want him to stop, so he needs to stop, end of story.
This. Plus, make sure you aren't making it into an all or nothing issue. If you don't want him grabbing your boobs/butt,etc., (and I know I wouldn't want DH to) make sure you have other, not-as-sexual ways to flirt in public. He may just feel a need to act like a horny kid to "keep the spark alive." Glancing flirtatiously, kissing, holding hands, putting your hand on his knee or arm around his waist are just some "PG rated" ways to let him know that you still think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread.
If you initiate some flirting, he may not treat your assets with such desperate lust in inappropriate settings, and then you can keep the shouldn't-be-in-public stuff for sexytime.
This is such bullsh*t. She doesn't want to be fondled in public, that doesn't make her a prude.
OP, your husband is being very disrespectful by continuing these advances after you've made it clear how you feel. You want him to stop, so he needs to stop, end of story.
This reply is just bullshit, if you want to make him robotic go ahead, but don't expect him to return any. When I was in the 8th grade my bf held hands, kissed yet you responders say grabbing "boobs" is childish , so is holding hands are you serious, grow up. Putting a hand on knee is what my bf did in 10th grade, go ahead live a dull and boring life but if suddenly by your rejection he doesn't want to touch you anymore don't come here or anywher to complain because you would be a hypocrite.
Atleast there is no doubt in your mind that he thinks you are attractive. You may look back at this in 10 years and wish he still looked at you this way. No, there is nothing wrong with your hubby. Disregard the post from TM, she seems to think men don't like to have sex. My H is the same way (playful but not always in a sexual sense) and that is one of the things that I love the most about him.
However, if it makes you uncomfortable talk with him about it. If he's being doing it for the last 5 years he's not going to be able to change overnight so give him some time. If he starts to come at you in public (or anywhere that you are uncomfortable with him touching you), simply grab his hands and tell him to save it for later. He will catch on eventually.
And please, never refer to your sex life in terms of baseball bases.
Sigh. My own DH has a habit of doing dumb stuff like this. He does it partly because he likes my body and partly because he thinks it's funny. Granted, it's not in public. He did it to me once in public while tipsy and I flipped *** on him. Apart from the random quick pat on the bottom while out in public he's behaved outside of the house ever since.
My DH and I have actually had fights about this stuff in the past, because I got so fed up with it that every time he touched me I got mad. Talk about putting a serious damper on our sex life. Now I've taken a deep breath and realized that actually, I like that my husband finds me attractive and wants to touch me. That doesn't mean I can't have boundaries though, and he's learning those limits himself. The most important thing here is communication. Obviously you can't sit down and have a serious conversation every time it happens, but you can make a point of telling him to stop or that it's upsetting you. Next time he touches you and it upsets you, remove his hand and take a few steps away. Then tell him how you feel. If it bothers you everytime he does it then he needs to know that. If it only bothers you in public then that needs to be clear. If it's when you're trying to have a serious conversation, etc. tell him. He needs to know what your boundaries are, because otherwise he can't respect them.
If he does know your boundaries and still doesn't respect them then there are other issues at play.
My DH had this issue too (though not in public). And I totally get the sandpaper reference! I finally got to the point when I had to put a stop to it. And once I did tell him to stop it was surprisingly easy. The trick was for me to tell the truth, I told him that it annoyed me, and made me feel anything but sexy...in fact, it turned me off so much that I stopped enjoying it in the bedroom. I'm a grown up, in love with a grown up, not a horny pre-teen.
Then, of course since he is a guy, I had to spell it out a little more for him. i.e the more you do that, the less we will have sex!
So now we kiss, touch, ect. but I no longer have the seventh grade boy honking my boobs and expecting to get a little action. The whole point is that it should be mutual. If he is touching my boobs, I better be enjoying it too, they are MY boobs.
My Dh and I touch each other all the time, but we've always been this way, so it isn't a new behavior.
That being said, we don't do it in public.
Hey all,
Thanks for all the advice. And by the way, there is no need to argue. Obviously, some of us have a "need for touch" which makes it more important than other things and more enjoyable to some than others. For me, I have a "need for quality time/conversation".
Anyway, I talked with him the other day and he understood. And when I said, "it kinda makes you look like a horny teenager.." he said, "yah, exactly." I asked him what he meant by that and I can't remember what he said, so whatever. but he understands now and tries not to do it.
It wasn't something he has done our whole marriage. In fact, we pride ourselves on the "intimate" touching we do (ex. holding hands, snuggling, holding each other, lovey-dovey stuff, etc) in public. We had a stranger say, "it is so nice to see a married couple still hold each other and love each other like you do." It was a sudden thing like a lot that he has done lately. It looks just like a mid-life crisis. I am just trying to take it a day at a time until he comes out of it.
Thanks again ya'll!
He's a man. I am newly married too and my husband does the same thing. Not so much in public, but he has before. It irritates me too. We have talked about it, but it still hurts his feelings when I don't let him or seem like I'm into it. I get angry at times too. I'm better about it now, but he definitely still does it. I know that his love language is touch and he does want sex often. I'm trying to be good about it, but as a teacher I am so tired and on edge often. So, let me know if the talk works with your husband because I am right there with you.
Good luck!
I know people will jump down my throat for this, but here goes...He's not a perv, but is disrespecting you. Just because you're his wife doesn't mean he can treat you like a piece of meat. I mean, even strippers have a don't touch rule and their job is being objectified! I'm glad to read that you talked to him, but he definitely needs to have you set down firm rules about what goes on with your body. You get a say in what happens with your body, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable it could, in a legal sense, be classed as molestation. Put it in those terms and he might get the idea.
Some women like that sort of thing, it's all a personal preference, but you shouldn't be made uncomforatble by your husband. It also probably makes people around you uncomfortable, so it's a good thing to nip in the bud (so to speak).
This is my first time even writing on one of these boards, but this one compelled me to write....I have the same issue! Everytime we walk pass each other he pinches at my nipple or even my crotch. Even when he leaves for work and he gives me a kiss goodbye he cups my breast as he kisses me. I've learned to just quickly turn my shoulders or something so he misses what he's grabbing for. I've asked him several times if he could just once go in for a hug and not grab at me, and he has managed to do that a couple times, other times I have to make him redo the kiss goodbye and I place his hand on my hip or arm or such. At first it really got to me but now I've just kind of learned to deal with it my own way - turn the shoulder, move his hand, etc. On the same hand I dread the day he no longer is grabbing at me so it's a Catch 22 of sorts. We don't like it now but we most definitely won't like it even more if/when they no longer are grabbing at us.
I would say you have it worse as my husband doesn't do it in public. And I agree with the others to just communicate your concerns. Explain to him you'd like to have that kiss where you aren't being fondled at the same time. And from there any time he does grab at you, just do what I do...squirm to miss it. Lol! Good luck! I feel your pain.
my husband is also grabby
first maybe you could concede to let him do this in the privacy of your home or car but not in public. tell him you love when he touches you but he is just doing it too often and in the wrong atmosphere. men are very basic creatures and when you tell him no, or that he is doing something wrong they take it very personally like you are rejecting them. also let him know that there are touches he does that you like and touches you dont. eg: i love when you rest your hand on the small of my back these touches are so much more gentle than say pulling on my breasts. or it makes me feel sexy when you put your hand on my knee but not when you goose my ass. i find that when my husband is esspecially grabby it is his way of letting me know he wants to be closer to me or have sex so maybe whe he does this you could hug him gently and wisper something sexy in his ear like "lets wait till we get home and you can touch me all night"
positive re-enforcement works the best i think just try not to dwell on the negative and always turn the conversation into a positive