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How do I handle this stupid daycare situation?
So, I love our new daycare lady. She's really nice, seems really fun, and Austin loves her too. Great. Well, there have been a couple times in the last few weeks where she's told us things he's doing and we haven't really known how to respond to her.... Last week she said that he likes to run too much and that she's trying to get him to stop, and that we need to correct him at home when he runs. He's freaking 21 months old. Running is his favorite past time. And it's not like he does it 24/7, but yes, he runs around. He's a baby that has just learned how to run really good, so yes. He's going to run. Wouldn't it be her job to correct it there?
Yesterday she told DH that he's starting to play a little rougher with the babies and likes to lay on the floor next to them and roll around with them and sometimes rolls on them a little. She asked us to try to correct this behavior at home. WTF? We don't have a baby, we don't even have a doll. How am I supposed to do that?
And then a couple weeks ago she said that when he wakes up from his nap he throws his blanket out of the crib and cries and that we have to try to correct that? Well, yes. This is what he does when he wakes up cause he wants out of the crib. What the frig is the big deal? Do you want me to sit next to his crib and wait for him to wake up so I can tell him not to throw his blanket out of the crib?
When he started, I remember her saying something to me like how she normally doesn't take any kids unless they are babies and start with her as babies. So, I'm guessing that this is all stemming from that, because she can mold them how she wants as they grow with her, and with Austin he's just being thrown into the routine. Everything is fine otherwise, it's just these really weird things that keep coming up. And I don't know how to handle them, and it's almost makes me feel like she thinks we are bad parents or something. He's freaking 21 months old! Is this not all normal behavior? And it's always said to my DH, never to me. He told me that his response is normally "Yea, we'll try to work on it" cause he doesn't know how to handle it either. What I really want to say is "I can't control his behavior when he's here. Isn't that YOUR job?" But I can't say that, so what do we say? This is so lame, but it's really starting to annoy me.
Re: How do I handle this stupid daycare situation?
What the what!? I can maybe see the thing with the babies on the floor but, like you said, how are you supposed to remedy that at home? That's HER job.
The running (unless he's being insanely distruptive and dangerous) and crib thing are just her trying to exert her control, IMO. I would laugh at those. Seriously. He's a 21 month old kid, ffs!
I'm sorry I have no concrete advice but I wanted to tell you I think you and Andy are 100% right in your thinking.
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
Does she run a baby bootcamp or what?!
This bird sounds kind of...strange? All this "You need to correct his behavior" business isn't sitting well with me. Nothing that he is doing is out of the norm for a 21 month old. Running, playing with the babies, etc. She can correct him in the moment if she feels it is necessary...but that's her deal. Not yours.
It's not like he's biting and doing things that deserve some sort of corrective action with parental reinforcement.
Are you opposed to moving daycares?
For now, yes I am. Like I said, I really, really like her. She's very loving, and the other kids and parents are great. Her home is amazing and super clean, and set up just like a center with some awesome toys, and I know that he loves it and her. It's just these weird little things that are bothering me. The other thing I keep telling myself is that compared to my last daycare lady, she's very much into sharing every ounce of information possible...when DH picks him up she tells him how he ate, slept, pooped, played, etc etc. It's like a verbal report card every day. Which is fine, and good to know, but then when I drop him off I have to tell her how he slept, how much he ate for dinner the night before, etc etc. Before we were only told things if they were concerning, so I feel like that might be part of it too...that she's just an over sharer. KWIM? Ugh I don't know. It's just weird.
Eh...I guess I don't really see a big deal in all of it. Listen to her while you are there and then go on with your life. Our daycare is very strict and structured (and my kid needs that) and there were times when she would tell me "mom & dad need to do xyz" or the latest "I think that he is around big animals (horses) so he wants to play rodeo with the other kids....that is just too rough and he needs less time around horses at home" My response...ok. The entire time I was thinking STFU crazy lady...just tell him he can't play rodeo, he will be ok with it and find something else to play. Did we change anything at home....nope.
I say let it go in one ear and out the other unless you are willing to change daycares. If you dwell on it you are just going to get yourself worked up about it and in the grand scheme of things....not that big of a deal.
Ok...I think she is way to picky really. I think, like you said, she is used to having them from babies and molding them in to how she likes them to behave at her house. She needs to relax a bit and realize that he has been doing things one way and its not going to change with the snap of her fingers. These are all things that if she doesn't want them to happen at daycare then she needs to correct the behavior there. It is your choice as parents to choose how/what Austin does at your house. You shouldn't have to correct anything if you don't want to!
Do you think you could have a little chat with her? Explain that you don't feel those are things you need to correct at home? I do think she is a very nice lady and I don't think she is doing this to be mean. Maybe she doesn't see how it is coming across to you guys?
You are the parent, you choose how to raise your child! I think you guys are doing an AWESOME job with Austin!!
That's what we are trying really hard to do, just kind of laugh about it and treat it as yea whatever you say. But, I think that in the back of my mind, I remember she told me that she had to make 3 kids leave her daycare in the 25 years she's been doing it because they just wouldn't listen to her. And I guess I just worry that if this stuff keeps happening and building and building then what I think is normal behavior, may be behavior that she files under "he just doesn't listen to me" and who wants their 2 year old kicked out of daycare? I mean really! And yes, this is totally dumb for me to even think that this would ever happen because of this stupid crap, but I can't get it out of my head! LOL!
I think with the running in the house, is he able to comprehend that we shouldn't run in the house and only outside?
The other stuff with the crib...it is his personality right now. I would laugh it off with her and say..."yeah, it is so funny how he is communicating that he is ready to get out of the crib" "amazing the different ways kids communicate what they feel."
The rolling on babies, maybe explain that you understand the need for him to be careful with the babies but without having a little one around, it is hard for you to work on that one.
That is tough but all so small and in the grand scheme of things is really not that big of a deal.
She sounds over the top controlling. (this is from a controlling person)
People that are THAT controlling around children scare me.
It sounds like she thinks he has behavioral problems and doesn't understand 2 year olds. She would pull out her hair if she had to watch my little H. These are mild things for her to worry about.
I'm like this, too. If it's horribly disruptive (like biting), we'll work on it at home. But obviously you don't need to be told that it would be good if you discipline your kid more, as if you're not already doing that. It would be nice if she could word it differently to you, like he was roughhousing today, and leave it at that.
So another vote for let it go in one ear and out the other. He's not even 2 yet, you can't discipline him for something he did earlier today. Duh. She needs to handle it at the time it's happening, and you'll do the same. Nuff said.
thanks to jennied
This is crazy!
1. Why cant he run!? Dont we encourage that, to wear them out and keep them active?
2. It sounds like SHE is the one w/ the problem when it comes to him rolling on babies - he obviously doesnt need to be lying on blankets with babies. Duh. Entertain him with something else.
3. The blanket thing is rediculous. Why the hell does she even care? Truly, I dont understand why this is an issue.
I'd let it roll off my back if I were you. Nod and smile when she brings it up, but dont stress over what you're supposed to do about it. Annoying, though!
Like smiles, the controlling aspect of it is what bothers me I guess.
If it's just this one thing, I think I would try to let it slide if that doesn't bother you. Personally...I would probably end up saying something in the end because there comes a point where she needs to address how she's dealing with the situations that she is feeling a need to report to you...and not just say, "You need to correct this behavior".
Agreed with every word of this.
When she says something about his "behavior," I would casually say something about how you understand that may be a concern for her, but it's not something that is a concern at home. If she is concerned, she should correct the behavior when it happens - not expect you to talk to a 21 month old when you pick him up at 5pm.
As far as the sharing information -- I like that our daycare asked about his night and gives us a written sheet everyday. It helps if his main teacher is already gone when I pick up - I know what they did and how he was. And they know how he was last night, so they'll know what to expect (like he woke up at 5am and will need a nap before his usual 9am). And I know he got lots of time in the bumbo (or whatever), so I should give him a break from that and do something else at home, and he had a late nap, so he won't need his normal 5pm cat nap.
Picture courtesy of Heidi Keene Photography
Some of that is a lil crazy and possibly just how she is... if you are happy with everything else I'd let it slide.
I ask my parents in the morning how their night was, last time they ate, etc... It helps me know how things are going. I also share with my parents details of the day. I think it helps on all accounts.
My latest: "You know, she's kind of rough with the kids lately but I know its just because her dad plays rough with her at home so I dont really blame her."
Ryan LOVED that one.
IMO the daycare provider should be teaching him not to run, roll with babies, throw blanket, etc while at her house. That's her job. He's to mind her and follow her rules while at her house.
I would give her the side eye, especially on the babies, and ask her why she doesn't tell him not to do that because it's not allowed. KWIM. The kids at our daycare are not allowed to touch the babies except on their feet. It's a rule that they have to follow and if they don't they sit on the time out mat. She teaches the 15m-4 year olds this, granted the 15m olds don't always listen, but they're pretty good for the most part.
The running doesn't get any better at 4 years old, Elsie is so guilty of running in the house and not listening when I tell her to walk.
And the blanket throwing is totally normal and probably a game to him.
Ya, that's interesting. The point of a teacher is to provide the child with chances to learn throughout the day in situations that come up. You don't have a baby at home, so there has never been the opportunity for you to teach him that rolling on/toward the baby wouldn't be a good idea. I'm sure you would if you had that situation -- so she needs to use her teachable moment because of the situation he's in at daycare to TEACH those things. And, the running -- unless it's crazy disruptive/dangerous, that's silly. Again, it's about the specific situation he's in at daycare -- around babies, etc. that's her job to talk to him about the "no running" in her house because of that. In the end, you have to parent the best way you can -- and not have to worry about what other people think you should do. I'd be annoyed, too.
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