Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
achase
I met with my lawyer and ws told my stbxh will only be able to recieve supervised visits (EVER), thank God! But she said to think about how I would set this up, meaning who would supervise and where at. My question is how do you do your supervised visits? Did you make the rules to it or did your state/county?
Sorry to bother you just knew you did SV with your ex. TIA!
Re: achase
Well I was always the one to supervise, it's harder to get it so they have to hire a professional (for awhile we had this since he was too difficult for me to deal with). I would think about someone you feel comfortable having supervise, I really wouldn't recommend that YOU do it. It's just too difficult. I'm still the one supervising right now and it works out ok because XH is clean for the time being. But when he was not it was literally a nightmare. He wouldn't show up on time, he wouldn't leave on time, etc.
For the brief period that he had to pay a professional he only exercised one visit. So I'd really give some thought to this and if you are comfortable maybe someone in HIS family could do it? I could never go with this option because I didn't trust his family to not be manipulated by him. It was a huge concern of mine. Now I'd be more open to that.
Well considering all the disgusting things that go on in his family that would never ever be an option. His family has never met my kids anyways and I plan to keep it that way.
I really don't think it would be good if I supervised. He would be emotionally abusive and manipulative to me and when I move on I could see that just becoming bad.
My mom offered to sit with him but I just don't know if that could work either cause he dislikes her and I can see him being a rude jerk to her.
So if a professional has to watch him he would have to pay for it?
Yes, the professional would be paid, and the rate depends on your area I'm sure. The one that XH used was $25/hr I think. I would see if you can get that pushed through (the prof) and if not maybe your mom could do it. That was nice of her to offer.
Also think about how often you'd want him to have visitation.
Sorry to but into your conversation, but I just wanted to say:
When my Sister left her abusive (physically and mentally) BF (nieces dad), my mom offered to do the supervised visitations but as my sister didn't think that was a good idea. (He was using drugs and was much stronger then my mom) So my sister had my dad do it, and if my dad was not availible my Uncle (moms BIL) would come over and supervise.
I dont know your history so I don't know if he has been physically abusive or anything but I do think a male presence can sometimes be a better one, as long as it is not a BF of yours or something like that.
Yah, that sounds like a good idea if there is any risk of danger. I always felt badly asking someone else to do the visitation because it felt like a burden on others. Plus my dad wouldn't be anywhere around my X because he loathed the sight of him. It's a tough call, really, I think the prof supervisor is ideal.
I'd call around and see if anyone runs a visitation center. They're not that uncommon, basically community volunteers use a community space and parents can use the space for visitation. Some courts run them too.
http://www.hannahshouse.org/