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I think I've made a decision...
After yet another large fight for no reason (which included him throwing my DD's shoe across the room at me...well in my general direction). I think I know that I want out.
After said fight we talked, or tried to talk we never get very far and suck at communicating with each other. He told me that he never gets to relax. On Sunday I cleaned the house while he sat around watching tv all day. It was his only day off this weekend so I didn't have a problem with him taking it easy and I never asked for help or anything. He was home yesterday with our children and I told him that should be relaxing for him. He told me that being alone with the girls is not relaxing for him. He asked if that relaxes me. I answered that quite honestly it does I love spending time with just them and reading to them having them need me doing fun things around the house with them. They make me happy and make me smile and yes I am very relaxed with them. It is when HE gets home that I get all edgy and feel stressed (I did not tell him that though).
After listening to him talk I feel like he is just as unhappy as I am but unwilling to admit it. I think that he is willing to stick our marriage out b/c that's what married people do but not because he is truly happy. I want him to be truly happy. I want to be happy. I do not want our children to be subjected to our fights anymore and I want THEM to know two parents who love them unconditional and who will be better role models b/c they did what they have to do to be happy. Even if that means separating.
With the holidays coming up I do not want to leave just yet. It is only 7 more weeks until this year it over. I figure that gives me about 2 months to make a game plan, get well established in my own individual therapy, allows my children one last family Christmas, and gives MH time to accept my decision before anything is official. I know that I have a long difficult road ahead of me. I know it is going to be a struggle (mentally, emtionally, financially) but in the end I feel like I am making the best choice for me. I think this is what I need to do to be happy. I do not want to be the mom who teaches her daughters that happiness is unimportant.
So I guess deep breaths and onward and upward.....
Re: I think I've made a decision...
I have thought these thoughts many times myself. I am going to my fist counseling appointment November 30th. I have 3 free sessions with a counselor through my employer and will complete them by the end of the year. I am looking at the same way you are and am looking forward to a new year and a new me.
I know that our stories are kind of similar so I just want to say that I am happy to be a support for you doing this time. It is so hard especially when there is no like concrete reason to leave. I hope we are both able to find the happiness we both deserve.
I almost feel silly for wanting out for no obvious reason, at least not obvious reason to see. I just think I've fallen out of love. Nothing against H at all, but I just don't think we are/were right for each other.
I am not on much, although I've been on a bit more lately since scheduling my counseling appointment. But I've lurked for awhile and this looks like a great bunch of people who have been in our same situations or are also currently going through it.
All I want is happiness at the end of the tunnel. For all of us.
I made a similar plan to leave ex-H, and he ended up moving out two weeks into the new year. I waited it out for all the same reasons you did, but it was a very good thing that we were not together anymore. It was difficult separating though, it sucked balls, and DS had a very difficult time with it as well (he was 14 mos at the time). Ex-H decided he wanted nothing to do with me or DS after it was finalized, so DS ended up losing his dad too. I want to take DS to see a child therapist because I do believe it ended up causing some behavioral issues for him due to the stress and changes, but DH doesn't want to remind DS of his dad and just let him get on with his life.
Anyhow, it sounds like you have a good plan, GL and hugs! Congrats for making your decision.