April 2010 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
*Danie*
I hope that maybe some of the other pregnant girls, especially those who had a little trouble (Danielle, Lori I'm talking to you!) will pipe in, but I feel concerned that you have this "if the baby sticks" attitude.
I know you're just trying to prepare yourself for the worst and think it's too good to be true, but I feel sad that you're not just enjoying the happiness of being pregnant, and thinking all of the positive thoughts that you should be like the color of the nursery and names and all that jazz. I don't know what it's like obviously, but I just want you to feel joy and happiness instead of fear and anxiety. So work on that, k?
Thanks, I'll go back to minding my own business now.
Re: *Danie*
I have to agree with Rachel here. I know for myself that not a day goes by that I'm not worried about something (my H called the Doc for me on Monday for what turned out to be horrible gas pains), but it really helps to just concentrate on the positive. I know it's hard thinking about your upcoming appointment and all the possibilities, but I think if you start talking in terms of "when" instead of "if" it will all start to feel more real and you'll be able to enjoy it.
Oh, and stay off thebump if you can. That is a scary place and I've almost left my month board twice now because sometimes it just stresses me out.
You ladies know me way too well already. : )
I, of course, am lurking on the June 2012 board, and it is SCARY as hell! I just feel like if I make any actual plans for the baby, I am somehow jinxing myself. You are SO right! I am having a hard time even enjoying being pregnant, because I just feel like I'm setting myself up for disaster. I have been trying not to post anything on here too much because I know there are many others out there still trying to conceive, and I don't want to overwhelm them with my stuff. At the same time, I have told only one person in real life (my best friend) and she literally hasn't talked to me since I told her two weeks ago. It isn't because she is mad or anything, we sometimes go a while without talking if we are both busy, but not even a phone call or anything. So, I just feel like until I can tell my family there really isn't anyone other than Jeff that I can talk to about it. Last night I had a freak out over absolutely nothing (one itty-bitty spot of tan-tinged CM - TMI, I know, and then nothing since). I have been thinking of ways to tell my family about it, but I feel like I shouldn't even be considering that until after my appointment on Monday. I have always been the kind of person that on the outside seems very optimistic, but very pessimistic on the inside. I am really hoping I can calm down after Monday. Jeff is constantly telling me that there is nothing I can do about any of it, so just stay calm and be happy that we are worlds further right now than we have ever been. It is just every time I start to think about getting to announce to our families on Thanksgiving or anything like that, I just keep telling myself that I am getting way too ahead of myself. Some girls on the Bump have already talked about names, registries, etc., and I just can't even imagine that right now! I also noticed that the incident that caused the minor freak out above has happened each time 24 hours after some kind of exercise (gym on Saturday, spot on Sunday / volleyball on Monday, spot on Tuesday), so I am scared to do any physical activity right now, even though I know how beneficial it is (and how addicted I was to exercise before I got pregnant). The girls on the Bump are snarky, so I haven't wanted to really post any fears over there, so I really appreciate it if any of you have been following my random rambling rant right now...
Please feel free to talk about your fears to us and I like your H's advice! My H told me that all the time when I would freak out about something and everything single time everything was fine.
I understand not wanting to tell people either, we didn't tell our families until after my first 2 appointments. We didn't think about registries until last weekend. We didn't talk about girl names (we had a boy name a long time ago) until after the first 2 appointments either. Everyone just has their own way of doing things and you and Jeff just need to do what is comfortable for you.
And spotting is completely normal, especially after physical activities or sex. Just listen to your body and you'll know when you need to take a break or cut back.
I totally get where you're coming from, and I can't even say that I wouldn't be the same way. If the time ever comes, I probably WILL be the same way actually.
I just
you, and I don't want you to look back in 9 months and be like CRAP why wasn't I having fun and happiness with it????
Liz and Rachel gave you some great advice. You are creating life inside your belly, enjoy it. You have every right to be happy and scared right now.
I know before my m/c we were both super excited about it but at the same time, I was nervous.
Take Jeff's advice, and just try to relax. You have little to no control over what happens, so you just need to try to relax and enjoy it.
((((((HUGS))))))
Also, please don't ever feel bad about talking about it here. Yes, some of us are still trying, but we are happy for you. We want to share this happy time with you.
Aw, sweetie we love you, too! And we just want you to be happy!
^ Times when it is good you work alone ^
It's so easy to freak out! After all we are taking on a huge role! I've spotted once too and that was cause for major freakout. I've also been stressing so much lately and all I can think about is how bad it is for the baby. So not helping you...sorry.
IMO, I think once you see the baby and hear the heartbeat you will feel so much more at ease. And I would recommend telling your family as soon as you feel comfortable. The more support you have the better!
Please feel free to post here! I think I can speak for all of us when I say we are all praying for you and a sticky baby and wouldn't mind hearing about our newest niece/nephew!
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This!!! As one who is TTC and having some issues, I would never NOT want to hear all about your pregnancy or fears. We are your friends and we want to be there for you!
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Danie, i really have no advice, but what the other girls have told you is great advice. I am a huge stresser, so I know that just saying not to stress will not take it away, but there certainly are techniques out there that can be really helpful. And you can always come to us, and Jeff is being great which is huge.
I so want to give you a giant hug right now, but an internet ((((Hug)))) will have to do.
Oh, Tigger, I do hope you share with us as much as you feel the urge to... I know what you mean, it seemed like I spent half of my pregnancy worrying about whether it would stick and whether the baby would be healthy, and the other less-than-half worrying about how long I could keep the baby cooking. But through the while I tried to remind myself, "In the here and now, I am pregnant, remember this".
I'll tell you something from the other side... it goes by REALLY fast. I already feel like being pregnant was a blip, and I miss it. So even if your time is spent being anxious about every little thing (and of course it's naturally to be nervous and excited and elated-but-scared-to-show-it), just try to take a moment here and there to just be pregnant, in whatever mental state you're in. It's okay!
I remember you guys offering up Ts&Ps when I had a couple of bleeding scares, and I was so grateful to have you all there with me. I know everyone is different in terms of who they feel that they can confide in, but I know for me, I told a few folks in my close family so that I would have support as I freaked out too (or if the worst happened).
So you know we are here for you, and are excited for you, even when you can't be for yourself!
LOVE YOU!!!
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I'm late to the posting (I had a meeting that took my entire day so far) Just wanted to agree and send additional love and support!!
They always say patients who have a sunny outlook and are relaxed and happy are those who get better the fastest. Clearly pregnancy is not the same but I think the same principles can apply.
Danie, I didn't talk about this much on here but I was a NERVOUS WRECK all through the first trimester. To the point where I had thoughts like, I wish I never got pregnant because it's more stressful than having trouble conceiving (awful, I know). I had major digestive issues from nerves and was terrified to do anything including when I bought What to Expect and when I finally caved and bought my first pair of maternity pants - things like that should have made me happy but instead made me sick to my stomach because I was so afraid of it ending and getting stuck with a pregnancy book and maternity pants. Even when I got my BFP it wasn't really the overwhelmingly happy moment I imagined, since I was so freaked out.
Unfortunately based on posting on PAIF, I think these feelings are much more extreme when you've had a difficult time conceiving. Try lurking on there sometime - pretty much every time there's a new BFP, they talk about how nervous they are and how they can't even get excited. I guess when you are so accustomed to things going wrong, it's hard to believe something could finally go right. Infertility is the gift that keeps on giving...
All I can tell you is that it's totally normal feel like that, and to hang in there, because it will get better. I know the first trimester feels about a year long (at least, mine sure did), so try to do things to distract yourself. I don't think I really started to relax and get excited until after my NT scan at 12 weeks (THAT was when I had my overwhelmingly happy moment... it just took a while!). I still worry, but not like I used to, and now that I am one day (!) away from finding out the gender and starting to plan the nursery I'm totally excited.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to reach out... and yeah you might want to avoid the June board for a few weeks, I know on the April board we had a sad/scary 4-5 week period too and it was really rough to see.
After watching several of my friends have experience the tragedy of a miscarriage, I can tell you that enjoying the blessing of being pregnant is the most important thing you can do while pregnant. One of my friends has five children now but had four miscarriages in between those children - she found that embracing the pregnancy and enjoying the time she spent with each of those lost babies was the best thing she could do, regardless of how the circumstance ended.
Danie, you know what the worst possible outcome of this could be - but now is not the time to prepare for the worst. You and I both know the pain of "the wait" until we see that positive pregnancy test...I can't imagine how afraid you and I'm sure you'll be telling me this same thing one day when I share the news with all of you that I'm pregnant...but you deserve to enjoy every second of this pregnancy...you and Jeff have worked hard for it. If, heaven forbid, the worst of the worst occurred...you want to look back on these times and know that you enjoyed every minute with your baby.
I love you SO much!
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This exactly!
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Aw, Lori, I want to send you a giant (((Hug))) as well. I am so glad that you are finally happy and getting a chance to enjoy your pregnancy.
And Dani, I am so glad to her that talking it out helped you, we are always here for you. And I am so glad to hear that you friend stopped by yesterday, and was able to help you feel better.
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I completely agree. It makes me so happy to hear how you & the other pregnant ladies are doing. Don't worry about offending us that are trying to concieve (or currently taking a break). I'm not so sensitive that I can't enjoy someone else's good news. So kick up your heels & enjoy being pregnant! I'm EXCITED for you & Jeff & never think otherwise.
::HUGS::