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MIL vent
My MIL was in town yesterday for an appointment and stopped by afterwards for a bit to visit. DH was at work, but that was ok. She and I had serious problems a few years ago, but in the past 2 years or so we've been fine. However, she and one of her other DILs, who I get along with really well, have been having problems for the last 2 years (basically when MIL let up on me, she started in on her 2nd DIL).
Anyway, to try to simplify a rather complicated drama, I'm going to give a chain of events:
1. BIL and his wife (the other DIL I was referring to) are having a joint b-day party in about a week. Everyone will have to drive about 3 hours to where they live, Grandma will have to drive about 5.
2. Grandma (who is MIL's MIL) called MIL and asked if she could spend the night with MIL since that would break down the trip for her and she doesn't like to drive at night.
3. MIL assumed BIL and his wife told Grandma to do this without asking her (MIL) first if it was ok. She then told me how put out she was that BIL and wife assumed she just sits around all day with nothing to do (um, she's a housewife who raised 4 boys, but they're all out of the house now and she has a cleaning lady. So I'm honestly not sure what she does all day.) And just for the record - I have since talked to the other DIL. Of course it wasn't their idea. Grandma just realized it would be too long of a drive and called to ask if she could stay the night, not expecting to hear no, I'm sure.
4. Because she was put out, MIL told Grandma no, she can't spend the night. She wants BIL to work something out with Grandma directly.
So now if we want Grandma to come to the bday party, we're going to have to offer for her to stay with us, but all we have are two mattresses we can stack on top of each other and Grandma is 86 years old with arthritis. I'd offer her our bed, but DD sleeps in a crib in our room attached to our bed, so that's not an option right now.
Grrrr. Seriously, MIL, thanks for making this simple thing really complicated.
That's all. Tell me your recent MIL frustrations to make me feel better :-)
Re: MIL vent
It might be too late for this -- but is there any way you can talk to your MIL and get her to change her mind? Let her know that your BIL and SIL didn't come up with the idea?
I love reading MIL stories, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe, when your MIL is your GMIL's age, and needs to stay at your place you can tell her no and remind her of this.
My MIL frustrations are pretty low-key because of the distance. We just get the guilt trips. And the most recent thing sounds really superficial and picky on my part, so it's not even worth mentioning.
Your MIL sounds pretty bitchy on this!
You should have your H call her and explain it wasn't the BILs idea and that it would really help out the famly.
I'm shocked that she wouldn't out up her own MIL for 1 night! WOW
Is the GMIL's son (your FIL) deceased?
What is it with crazy MIL's? My MIL is lovely but I sometimes wonder what she is thinking.
While we are living here we have one of my MIL's friends living in our house and looking after our dog, while we were home recently Roxy (our dog) started to get out of the yard so we had our fence fixed, I rang just before we left the country to double check that everything was ok and was told it was fine. Fast forward to last week and while in Singapore I get an email from a neighbour telling me she is worried about Roxy as she has been tied up out the front since we came back here!
ARGH! Apparently MIL knew but thought Roxy was happy like that so didn't want to worry us, seriously who does that. Roxy has never been tied up her whole life, she is 7 years old now. When I rang her and asked her she got all upset about busy body neighbours and still can't see the big deal, no matter how much I tell her that Roxy is still my dog and I need to know what is happening with her she continues to have no idea why I was upset.
Now she is getting the fence fixed again, but of course it is turning into a huge ordeal, sometimes I wish I could just go back for a week, fix it up and come back here.
Sorry your MIL is being so hard, I honestly have no idea what the hell they are thinking half the time!
wow that is seriously over the top - I agree with a pp -
I'd try to get Grandma to reconsider staying there - just tell her obviously MIL is crazy, it's not that she doesn't want you to stay - she's just thinking WAY too much about the whole thing
Don't you love it when stuff gets turned around? "MIL, why did you tie up my dog?" "What?!! Why do you have such crazy neighbors who tell on me? They should mind their own business!!!!"
Yeah, or you should do what we ask you to and then there wouldn't be a problem.
And no, my FIL (Grandma's son) is not deceased. He just avoids conflicts at all costs and doesn't confront his mother, which frustrates MIL even more. In a continuation of the conversation above, she was telling me that sometimes she has to call her BIL (Grandma's other son) and get him to talk to Grandma if there's really a problem.
Grandma knows MIL is crazy. Both of them are just really strong-willed, and they used to have major fights when DH and his brothers were young. I was thinking of writing MIL an email and saying, "You know, I asked BIL casually how Grandma was getting there and he said he didn't know because they hadn't given the matter any thought yet. So clearly the idea was all Grandma's." But 1) DH is militantly against lying and so would probably have a problem with me doing it here even though it might smooth matters over, and 2) As a DIL with former serious MIL issues, I don't really want to get in the middle of the Grandma-MIL or the MIL-BIL problems.
To make things even worse, Grandma is on vacation in Cyprus until 3 days before the party, so we can't clear it up with her beforehand.
Eh, there are definitely worse MILs out there, but I think this combined her current issues with BIL and his wife with the long-standing overbearing-ness of her MIL, creating a perfect storm and causing her to react irrationally. Not that she's the most rational woman anyway, but what MIL is?