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Finally came to my senses!
Not sure if any of you remember me - I posted about a month ago about my h wanting to seperate. He informed me that he really wanted, not a seperation, but a disolution just 3-days after announcing he wanted to seperate. He wanted to end it all. Well - I had convinced myself that it was my fault and that I didn't deserve anything. I also, at the time, didn't want to hire a lawyer because I didn't want to spend $200 an hour fighting over a $50 coffee table sort of thing because I thought we could come to an agreement. I was going to go for the disolution, not so much anymore. Well - I finally came to my senses and am meeting with a lawyer. I suppose I was thinking that there was still hope for me and my h, but now I see that you just can't fix stupid. Thank god for my family talking sense into me.
I've been going to counseling for a little while and this has helped me tremendously so far in the short time I've been going and I plan to continue going. After talking to the counselor, I finally started realizing that our marriage basically was two roommates living together. He expected a mommy & a housekeeper for a wife as well as expected me to miraculously turn into some fit version of what his wife was supposed to look like. I guess I just had to get my mindset changed.
Here's the situation - I'm meeting with a lawyer in the next week to discuss my options. H basically had me believing that I have no claim on anything and that I'm lucky that he doesn't just boot me out on the street, that for now he's 'letting' me live in his house. Basically since he's paid for this or that - I have no rights. Whatever, buddy, keep thinking that you're in for a rude awakening. We're in Ohio - and according to the law - it's 50/50 on all marital assets, excluding pre-marital assets, of course. My question - since he purchased our house before we were married and in his name does that make that a pre-marital asset or a marital asset since he's still paying a mortgage for it and technically it's the bank that actually owns it. He purchased it around 5-years before we married. I'll be asking the lawyer this anyway - but I guess I'm really curious what the law would be on that. Oh and he told me that he was going to be nice and give me 1/2 of our savings. Since my name isn't on the account I had no assess to it and didn't really now how much was there. He thru a number out to me and it basically was $1,000 less than what he said.
I'm so glad I finally coming to my senses - he totally had me thinking about just doing a disolution. I'm really pissed that he thinks that the newer car is all his - and that I have no rights to it - because it's in his name also. We traded in MY car that I previously purchased before I even met him and also MY dad was the one that gave his Ford employee number so that we could get the car at a lower price because of the Z-plan or whatever it was anymore. I've already put $5,000 towards the car and when I asked if I was going to get re-embursed for that - he said - well then I expect to get rent and utilties for the past 6-years that you've lived here then. Seeing as to how you'd probably owe me more - I'll guess I'll let you go then. I'm so pissed off at him right now - I WANT to get out. All this time I've been holding out because I had hope and I wanted things to work out with him. Last week he asked me if I thought there was hope for us and I answered him, but I didn't question what he met by that, if he was having second thoughts or what, until tonight. Now he's telling me that he never asked that, that he was telling me that there was no hope. Whatever buddy I know what I heard - I heard you ask in question form and I responded with Yes, I'd like to think so. If felt really good tonight to say - yeah - you know you're right - there really isn't any hope for us at all and finally I didn't feel like crying saying that. I felt liberated. After all - it really wasn't my dream to be married to the complete a$$ that he is. Just wish I could've seen it 6-years ago BEFORE we got married.
Re: Finally came to my senses!
If he bought a house before you were married, and you're not on the mortgage or title, and you've never made the mortgage payments, then it's not your house.
Glad you've seen the light. I hope things go smoothly.
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OK I just realized that I may be wrong, totally by coincidence. My H and I are closing on our re-fi today. He is on the mortgage, and we are both on the title. I have to be there for the mortgage stuff because Ohio is a dower rights state.
Read a little more about it here.
Your lawyer can tell you more, but you might have some right to that house.
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Chances are I'm not going to be entitled to anything with the house. My name isn't on the title at all. He's paid every mortgage for it. I wasn't expecting to be and I really don't care too much - but I'd just love it if I was simply because he's so smug in thinking that I'm not entitled to anything. Can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out I'm not signing disolution papers because I don't agree and because I have my own lawyer.
Actually I should thank him - because I am so ready to leave this marriage now. I was so sad before and was afraid to leave and didn't know how I was going to live without him - blah, blah, blah. Not anymore! My fears are gone and now I can't wait to start my life without him in it.
So you watched Joy Luck Club then?
WE TOOOOOOOOLD YOU!
Click me, click me!
Uh Oh - um - no not yet. I actually forgot about watching that. I will tho.
And I know you guys told me, but I guess just couldn't see it at the time. I was completely devastated and the seperation comment from him just came out of no where to me. I never expected it. It's almost like my brain 'wouldn't' accept it. It took some time for me to finally see certain things and to finally understand - that no this isn't how marriage is suppose to be. Sorry I didn't hear any of you when you were saying it a month ago. I believe counseling helped me with this. Guess it's like the old saying 'you can lead a horse to water - but you can't make them drink.' You guys were telling me what I needed to do - but I just wouldn't have it - I just couldn't fathom calling a lawyer at the time.
DOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEET!
And whether either of you see it that way, paying the mortgage while you were married means you contributed. I don't know how they're going to work all that out but it's hardly fair to say he paid it all by himself when your income helped him to make different financial decisions.
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I totally agree with this to. Whether or not it'll work out that way though is a different story. It's not even like I want the house. I never liked it - the layout sucks, plus the area it's in isn't the greatest. It's also going to be a money pit, I believe. If he can't sell it - he's going to have absolutely no money left. I plan on moving back home around my family anyway. So - I may be better off if I'm not tied to it, if you know what I mean!