Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He's lost that loving feeling
My husband was gone for a few months for training. When we would talk over the phone he kept saying how much he couldn't wait to see me again and that we were gonna have to order in and get lots of gatorade when he got back. However, when he returned it seemed like I was last on the priority list. He kept saying he was busy, but he could make time for his friends and to do other things. We had sex once when he got back and once a few weeks later. I have tried everything, sexy lingerie, movies, going to the sex store to pick out things and he seems very uninterested. I feel like I have to beg for it. I have spoken to him, but it seems like I'm talking to a brick wall and he comes up with reasons why he isn't in the mood. I thought when he got back it would be like a new relationship again, but we have fallen into the same rut, if not worse that what it was before. Help!
Re: He's lost that loving feeling
I am not happy that he made time for his friends but not for you.
So he left you home on a shelf while he went off with his buddies? That's not cool.
Again....you need to communicate with him.
You need to sit down with him and tell him what you told us -- and the running aroiund with friends has to stop, if he is still doing that. What about making time for YOU and doing things with you???
I don't know the backstory of your relationship, or your ages -- I am guessing you and he are rather young, judging from his behavior that you've described -- and I'd set the record straight that he'd better get with the program and start to meet you at least halfway in the bedroom department.
Anything could be at hand here, including an affair. Something's not right here and you need to get to the bottom of what's going on.
I am sorry that you feel like he is spending more time with his friends than with you, especially since he was gone for a few months. That would definitely bother me too. Why do you think his sex drive has changed so much? Do you think it had something to do with the training? Just out of curiosity, by training, do you mean as in military? How often did you have sex before he left? If you don't mind me asking, what 'reasons' does he give for not being in the mood.
Is your relationship with him outside the bedroom suffering as well? I mean, I'm sure it can't be great considering that he's always out with his buddies. Do you think that maybe there is something psychological going on? I don't know... maybe he is upset about something, and he feels more comfortable talking to his friends? Whatever it is, it is not good. You need to be his number one priority.
Make sure he knows how upset you are by this and tell him that it needs to change. How long have you been married? If it comes to it, maybe even demand seeing a marriage counselor. If that's what it takes, than do it, because I know how damaging it can be to a relationship if you are not on the same page about sex.
Good luck! Hope this helps.
I know how you feel and its no fun at all. Ive been in the exact same situation. You start questioning yourself and that is bullshit! I ended my relationship. It took me way to long to do it. I'll never let a man child make me feel unattractive agian. You shouldnt either! Im sure many, many other men will want to jump your bones:) Life is to short to let someone keep you down. Good luck
Really?! She doesn't want a partner that dismisses her feelings so she may as well be a prostitute?
Issues. You have them.
Well,the last 2 sentences are the important ones.You feel disconnected.And everything feels like an excuse to you.
You have a lot of expectations from your hubby right now,most likely he also feels disconnected and he doesn't know how to express himself(as most men),he only knows,"something isn't right"
What I would suggest is ,when he is outside with the neighbors,washing his car or whatever,make an effort to just hang with him.Give him and yourself the opportunity to reconnect,without putting pressure on him.
How do you think he feels?
Marriage therapy is always helpful, learning how to openly communicate with your partner without hurting each others feeling but taking the person serious about their feelings,concerns and fears.
Good luck to you both
He has been home for over a month now. We have had sex 2 since he has been home. And he's now been sick for a week. I feel like I can't catch a break. I am really missing the intimacy. I feel like glorified roommates. I am worried that with him being gone for so long and now with the holidays coming, shopping for christmas and everything else that goes along with this busy time, our marriage is going to get lost in the process.
I have tried to go out there and hang out with him but end up feeling bored/ignored/piece of furniture. I feel like I'm chasing him around just to hang out with him. And within the last week I have been getting home, working out, taking a shower, eating (with him & tv), drying my hair and going to bed. I feel myself giving up and finding other things to do.
I feel like we communicate well, but I don't know what else to do at this point. We have talked about it and I've even tried to not bring up the past or point the finger, but feel like I'm treading water and concrete.