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DH is giving an old e-ring to BIL. *LONG*
Starting with some backstory: my BIL (the older of the two - DH is oldest) has this girlfriend, M. They've been together about a year. And, in case you guys didn't know or forgot, my BIL (well, both of them) are deaf. BIL's gf is also deaf. This fact alone doesn't have a whole lot of bearing, but it sort of does. Neither of them have jobs. BIL (I'll call him R) went to college at WWU, and then went to Digipen (the Nintendo school for video game design/programming) and graduated in June/July. He's got a ton of potential, but is SO lazy and won't stop playing video games long enough to put together a portfolio and a resume and look for a job. M has a degree from UW and had a job working with a greeting card company stocking cards, but decided it was too hard on her back, so she quit, and hasn't bothered to look for another job. Both of them get disability/SS money and food stamps. M moved in with R about 6 months ago (R lives in a condo that my ILs own), and R pays my ILs rent (a fraction of the actual mortgage), but M does not (not even when she had a job). R spends most of his money on video games and movies (totally unnecessary purchases) and uses credit cards. Really poor money management here.
DH was previously engaged. It was about 4 years before we met, and I have no issue with it (I trash talk her every once in a while, though, haha). It's in the past, he doesn't see or communicate with her in any way, and he really got the bad end of the stick. She basically broke off the engagement 3 months before the wedding (it was actually the day they were supposed to pick out tuxes). She gave him the ring back, and he's held onto it ever since.
Well, R knows DH still has the old e-ring, and R asked MIL if DH was willing to give it to him so he could propose to M. Don't ask me why R couldn't ask DH for it himself - MIL plays messenger ALL the time - it's super annoying. Anyway, nothing was said about R paying DH for the ring. Now, the ring itself is, IMHO, fugly. It's yellow gold (NMS), and the diamond is less than a quarter carat, and has no style. It's not worth a whole lot (less than $1000), either. But we're not exactly swimming in cash, so it'd be nice if he offered to pay something (even a couple hundred bucks would be nice). We know he can't afford a whole lot, but if he managed his money well enough, it wouldn't be an issue!
DH is bitter about most of this - his parents coddle the brothers, and basically provide everything for them. The youngest brother is the most ambitious, though, and he's actually out on his own and is a freelance graphic designer and makes some decent money. But for the most part, DH's brothers are spoiled rotten. DH has had to help raise them (FIL is a work-a-holic), and work for everything he's ever gotten. I told him that he should just sell the ring and tell R to fend for himself and save up for a ring if he wants to propose. Hell, you can go to Kmart and get a diamond ring for a couple hundred bucks! But of course, DH being the person he is, is sucking it up and giving R the ring. I was nice and used my jewelry cleaning solution and cleaned it last night. My e-ring (and wedding band, for that matter) is SO much better and prettier - and I take complete solace in that. 
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
Re: DH is giving an old e-ring to BIL. *LONG*
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
Even if he doesn't have the money maybe he can help you guys do something else? Maybe yard work or something?
I can't imagine asking someone for something like that.
this...even if it's $100...*something*, to show his commitment to this girl at least...
if i were your H, i would say "here you go, but you owe me big time, because diamonds aren't free, you know".
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
This. It's a sucky situation, and I think your DH is being the WAY bigger man/person than anyone else in his family.
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Yeah, this is weird. Super weird thing to ask for. I would be afraid it's cursed if I was them. Any chance it will be weird for you or DH to actually see someone wearing the ring?
Would DH be willing to say, it's worth X, but I'm willing to let you have it for Y, and let's set up a payment plan. Or discuss how he can make it up. When it comes to family, in my experience, I'll pay you back or I owe you, I'll make it up, whatever, doesn't really mean anything.
We've discussed all of this - and it all comes back to it being family and being selfless and all that messed up jazz.
There's no bad connotations to seeing the ring on someone else - DH is totally over his ex-fi, and it's been so long (almost 9 years now) and it's been in the back of the closet so long that it's really a non-issue.
Secretly, I'm hoping the e-ring is cursed. DH and I do not like BIL's gf at ALL. I feel so bad for saying that!! But the thought of her being my SIL is just not cool. She's polite and everything, but she's very selfish and condescending and fake.
Side story: girl never wears makeup, and when R asked her to try, she asked me for help. This was when I was getting to know her, so I was willing to take her on as a project. So we went to the MAC counter at Nordy's, and we got her a makeover. This was kind of hard, since I was interpreting in sign for her (I'm not that great - I can understand more than I can speak/sign), and she was SO hesitant about any actual color (she was SO surprised how much better she looked with light blush and mascara on!), she would only wear a lip balm with no color, and the eyeshadows were all neutrals. I understood this a bit since she was so new at the makeup thing (she didn't have a mother/sister figure growing up), but come on - live a little! Anyway, she ended up buying all of the stuff the salesgirl used on her, only to take it all back the next day. I had told her to just get one or two things, or nothing at all - we could just go get Cover Girl stuff at Target if it was too expensive, but she insisted on getting everything. It was so weird. Now she's all into Bare Minerals, and she asks me if her makeup looks okay - and it looks like she's not wearing anything. It's like she just uses the powder foundation and nothing else. I use Bare Minerals, too, but you can actually tell that I've done something. LOL
She's just so weird.
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
that's my girl
how long have the two been together? any chance they'll still break up?
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
They've been together almost a year. It's highly unlikely they'll break up - though M has threatened it before over something really, really stupid. Wanna know what else she does? She texts MIL to tattle/whine about R. It's SO dumb. Like, if they have a fight, she'll talk to MIL and say like, "R is doing this, and I don't like it," or whatever. I'm sorry, but it would have to be a really severe, dire situation for me to contact MIL if DH and I were fighting and couldn't work it out. She did it so much a few months ago that MIL went off on her. It was HI-larious!
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
lol. i can see that in her.
well if you don't see them breaking up, regardless if she's your SIL or not, she'll always be around. just as bad! i really hope they grow-up soon, though.....
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
it is still weird that he'd want a used ring for his future fi for free.
why does h still have it?
i say get rid of it. yes, his brother is lazy.. but unless you guys are going to do something with it, why not give it away to some one who could use it?
i think this way because i wouldn't want it in my house... if was a ring from anything else, i'd say that bil is a douche and needs to do things on his own.. before he tries to get married.