Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do I get over this?
I don't know how I'm going to get along. I've been with STBXH for 4 years and I don't know how to get by. I miss cuddling. I miss kissing. I miss have someone next to me at night. I miss saying, "I love you" and hearing "baby" and "darling." I want to move on, I need to get over this. But I always see things that remind me of him. TV shows, songs, his favorite candy, our favorite places and restaurants, the place he broke the news, etc. And the tan line from my wedding ring. It's like even when I take it off it's still there. And then I get mad. Mad about the lying. Mad about the accusing. Mad about the cheating with men, women, minors, coworkers, friends. Mad about everything. How can I start to get better? When can I wake up and not feel so sad? The divorce isn't final yet. I filed Wednesday. I'm just so ready to be done with this. To move on. To not want to be this depressed. How did you start the healing process?
~*~formerly SummerSweethearts2010~*~
Shy & Zeus
Shy & Zeus
Re: How do I get over this?
I'm sure it takes time. Just try to get into counseling or find a divorce recovery group. My best friend swore that was the one thing that helped her. I know exactly what you are saying though - I'm going thru the same things and we haven't even filed yet. I think I finally am coming to terms with it just having him lie to me the other night. I understand now, it's over - I want to move on.
You just gotta try to throw yourself into something that makes you happy and work on you.
First let me say I am sorry you have to go through this. In time things will get better! For me I am happier than I ever was with my X.
Second... This disturbed me a little... Are you saying he had sexual relations with minors?
I'm still getting over it myself, but that initial stomach drop and I feel sick and dizzy feeling that would grip me every 15 minutes or so has, thankfully, passed.
I cry a lot.
I went to counseling (just started last week) and this week has been better so I think crying for a full hour and just talking about it really helped.
I also keep saying "He is no longer my best friend. He is no longer my best friend" because the hardest part for me is just accepting reality - he isn't the man I fell in love with and married.
http://survivinginfidelity.com/ helps
and this board is fabulous (esp hearing from ladies who are further along in the heeling process (a year after divorce) as they know exactly what we're going through and have survived!
Time will help heal. Counseling will also help. The support of this board has been instrumental to my healing.
Also, putting your sadness/anger/disappointment into something productive could help. I put a lot of effort into exercising--it helped get the rage out when I could break a good sweat and sprint off the rage.
Yes. I knew of a 17 year old and found out recently about a 16 year old. Like this morning recent.
And thanks, ladies. I'm looking for a counselor who can get me in soon. The soonest date I've hear from most is around Christmas time and I just cannot wait that long. How did you find out about these meet up groups? I've been making new friends, it's hard to avoid the places we used to be together. I can't tell if it's harder avoiding that now that I'm out of our place and back home or not.
Shy & Zeus
Your mind knows this already and your heart will catch up... you are lucky this is over. I am going to assume the rest is true too. This man is sick.
I have talk to a few specialists about this... it is entirely possible/probable that this man will continue to seek sexual thrills in any way he can including seeking out minors.
Knowing this doesn't make it hurt less, this I know. I promise you will be ok, better actually! It is hard to imagine now, but it is true. PM me if you ever need to talk!