May 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Therapy
H has his first session with the counselor at 5. I just had my first session with the Visa
heehee.3 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shoes, and 5 tops for $150!! Love sales!!
On another note, I just found out that we can go to the same counselor for our together sessions if we choose.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: Therapy
You go!
I will make this recommendation do NOT go to the same counselor that he is seeing alone as a couples counselor.
Any good counselor will say that yes they will but prefer not to because as your H is telling them things it will be too hard for that counselor (professional or not) to not think of that stuff when you are in a couples session together. It could sway them to take his side or yours instead of listening to both and helping you both through it.
I only say this coming off of my aunt's messy marriage and ultimately divorce and the couples counselor was very adament about them seeing seperate people for individual sessions and looking back she was very grateful he said that because her ex was a manipulator and told the doctors what he thought they wanted to hear.
I would imagine it would be hard for the therapist to be objective, but hopefully they are professional enough to be the helper and not take sides. That's one the main things they teach us in graduate school. Stay objective and don't pick sides. Good luck!!
And, I can't see your pic at work but I can only imagine!! Good for you!!! Sounds like quite the deal you got!!
Good Point. I would hope they could be objective but Im sure it is hard. I know I have issues to work on too, and I would atleast like to go talk with her after a while so she can help me to not anger him, identify his triggers etc.
I dont know why cant post pics anymore, this one didnt show up either. Maybe its chrome??
i hope you don't blame yourself. it's not you or anything you are doing.
I can understand what you're saying because there could be things that you say that if you take a step back from his anger issues that wouldn't be nice and supportive as a spouse...I think we've all done that but the difference is we don't make it a habit of having the issue.
The only thing that really scares me is your use of the word trigger. It wouldn't matter if he was single or with someone else he has these anger issues because of personal issues he's dealing with and he would have that and the temper regardless of you.
So yes things you say or do might set him off QUICKER but he still has that hostility due to something inside of him.
I would work on you as far as figuring out if there are things you want to change for YOU not HIM so you can love yourself more and be a better person for YOURSELF but you figuring out what his triggers are won't stop him from getting angry and possibly going over that line of the physical aspect again.
And if I had to guess the therapist won't tell you what his triggers are anyways because the therapist will listen to him and help suggest things to work on to help him deal with whatever he has going on inside him in a calm manner and then they would listen to you and figure out things you need to work on and give you exercises together.
I don't want to come off as a know it all I've just had soooo much experience with verbal, mental, and physical abuse at every age imaginable and saw my mom think she was the problem and my aunt for so many years and yes there were things they needed to change to be better people but they didn't deserve to be treated the way they were and they often tried to figure out things to do to "fix" the issue.
GL and we're here to listen and help you through