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Family birthday celebration far away - but should I go?
My husband is from far away - New Zealand. His entire family lives there. We had planned to go there for Xmas but it was too expensive, so we were thinking about going in spring for his grandfather's 100 birthday.
The problem is, I own and operate two businesses and have no other staff that can handle my work - plus one is a new business. I'm really worried about us both being gone for even a week or two.
My husband feels he really needs to go (I think my MIL will be upset if he doesn't as all the other relatives from overseas are going) but honestly I would prefer to stay home while he goes alone. I like his family and all but can't think how I'm going to manage work things and I don't think I will be able to relax at all.
But I am worried about how this will affect our relationship with his family especially my MIL who seems very annoyed that she doesn't see us more. But its just expensive and a lot of time to get from the US to New Zealand.
What do you think Nesties? Thanks so much for your input.
Re: Family birthday celebration far away - but should I go?
Let your husband go alone, but try to set up Skype or something while he's there so that you can talk to them too (or just make a phone call to talk to everyone). Help your H pick out some nice gifts to take along with him, and write a heartfelt note.
Do the in-laws make the effort to come to the US to see you guys?
Send DH and stay home. You need to focus on your businesses right now and I would hope that his family would understand and respect that.
But I would make sure you think about the future and get a plan in action so that you can sometimes leave and have someone be able to cover for you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Defintely DH is going to go alone - no question - unless he decides he doesn't want to for some reason.
I like the skype and the gifts idea - that is great!
The exchange rate is such that its pretty cost prohibitive for the in laws to visit us and I don't think we can expect them to. We also make more than they do - we're not wealthy but we can afford to travel if we save.They did come to our wedding which was in the states, but we paid for their flights to help defray costs.
His family seems not to understand well what it takes to run a business - but neither does mine so I get it. They are always whining about me working too much but I have goals and dreams that matter to me.
I will hire folks to cover in future but I just can't do it now or in the near future.
I think it's okay if you don't go. He's the one they really know and love (I'm assuming they don't know you really well if you've always lived this far apart). So the really important thing is that your H goes.
Others ideas are nice about how to make it clear to them that this is also important to you even if you couldn't travel this time.
You need back up for your companies. A normal and balanced person should be able to leave their work for a week for something important. Since you married someone for overseas I think that you need to accept that you'll travel abroad at least every 2 years if not annually.
Whether this particular event is worth it to you is something you'll have to talk to your husband about (I'd think 100 years would be). Regardless there will be other events to go to and that is something you have to accept and plan for.
I do agree with this to a point. However, I also think that marrying someone with family so far away, involving such a long and expensive flight, may mean that some years only the one spouse travels.
That should be okay, as long as an effort is made for the other spouse to travel some of the time.
Thank you. It's not that I can't take time off to go to another state or even to Europe - New Zealand is an 18 hour time difference. The flights at Xmas would have been almost 7K for the two of us. It will be less expensive in spring, but it's not an easy or cheap trip - and I'm a total road warrior, I have been all over. It's not ideal for sure to be living so far away from his family, but we make the best of it.
Most of the time, we have to go for two weeks b/c two days are taken up flying, and that's a huge chunk of time for me to be away right now. I have been twice to visit with him and I love it there - we even considered moving there - so the travel is not the issue. It's the timing.
I'm in NZ. New Zealand is hours away from EVERYWHERE.
I do see what pp are saying about marrying someone from another country is going to mean having to pay for international travel, but at the same time you have to work with what you have.
You shouldn't compromise your own life for other people's expectations, whether that means paying for travel you can't afford, or going to events that clash with your own commitments.
I think it's more than appropriate that DH go alone in light of a) the cost and b) your business commitments.
Aim to make the trip over when you can spend a decent length of time here.
If MIL gets pissy about not seeing you so much then invite her over to visit. I can pretty much guarantee that she won't be so keen to do that because like you it will take her hours and cost her thousands.
Thanks for your response. A lot of people just don't seem to get how far away NZ is. And it's not like I don't want to go - it's a fantastic place. I would have loved to move there but my DH really wants to live in the states. He told me he'd be here whether or not he met me.
Yes I could. The problem is paying them!