Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
New
Hi! I am new here and wanted to introduce myself. I was married for almost 4 years and have been divorced for almost 1 year. My ex and I get along better now than we ever did married. In fact, we still hang out and I just finally moved out of our house. We just didn't work as a married couple. I am having a hard time moving on and wanting to date even though I know we don't work together. Has anyone else been in this position?
Re: New
Welcome! I keep deleting my response because it's so hard to put into words. I am in your position, and it is tough. I have to keep reminding myself that my xh and I would never have worked.
I am currently dating someone else, but in my heart of hearts I have not moved past my marriage. Sorry I don't have good advice, but I can tell you that you're in good company!
Welcome to the board! This is a great place to find support and honest feedback.
I am not in your same position, but can relate at some levels. XH and I really tried to keep it friendly when we first split -- which seemed great at the time. Then at some point I started to feel like I was compromising too much to "be friends" with him. Honestly, counseling and this book have both really helped me a lot with finding a a healthy balance with my XH. It talks specifically about being "amicable" but not being "friendly." That concept has helped me a lot in my moving on from him (and also in realizing that he was never a good friend to me, and that wasn't going to change).
Your situation sounds like mine! I was in a relationship (never married) for almost 8 years, and we get along better now that we've split, too. I'm at the same place right now with the dating...I know that the ex and I will never work, and I don't even want it to, but I'm still in a strange place. I want to get on with my life and the thought of finding someone to date sounds great, but there's something holding me back and I can't quite figure out what it is. Maybe it's an issue of respect for the ex, since he isn't dating either. It's like a game of "who's going to make the first move of moving on".
I know it might seem like a terrible thought to those of you in this situation, but what about completely cutting off contact with your exes?
It's nice that you can still be friendly with your exes, and get along so well, but if it's coloring all your subsequent relationships and keeping you from being able to be happy with anyone else, maybe it's more of a negative burden than a good thing.
It would suck to lose a good friend, yes, and to lose someone who really understands you, but it would suck worse to be stuck in limbo for the rest of your life because you can't stop thinking about how it might have been better if it had worked out with your ex, you know? Maybe you could truly move on if you just stepped away from that relationship (friendship) with your ex completely, at least for a little while.
Just some food for thought...