International Nesties
dulcemariamar1
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: Have you ever gone to a destination wedding?
It seems that we cant agree on the definition of a DW.
So lets take a little poll.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW?
2:)Where was the wedding?
3.)How much did you spend to attend?
4.)What do you think about DWs?
Re: Poll: Have you ever gone to a destination wedding?
Other than my own which was a DW for people in the UK not yet.
We are going to one in April.
It's in the Bahamas. The bride is from the Bahamas, she moved the UK when she was 8 or so.
I think we will spend about ?3-4K. We are staying in private houses with friends. So excited. We're going for 2 weeks.
I am a bit up in the air. I kinda feel like people are a bit selfish when they have DW to save money and then put the cost on their guests.
Bio
Nope. So, on to question #4 :-)
4) I think they're pretty AW unless there's a good reason for doing it (like serious family/in-law issues that will only be solved by running away to get married). *If* you do it, then I think the expectation should be that you and your FH will be getting married alone. Anyone who decides to make the trip is a bonus.
I also guess I just don't understand. If you want to enjoy Mexican beaches, go there on your honeymoon. I would personally find it rather intrusive if I had a wedding in Cancun and then spent the rest of my honeymoon vacationing with the wedding guests.
DH and I annually spend relatively large sums of money to visit my family. I refuse to spend that much money to go to a friend's wedding in the Caribbean, and I would only *maybe* think about it if the wedding were somewhere in the Mediterranean and DH and I could turn it into a vacation for our family at the same time. Otherwise, I'm sorry, the friend is just going to get a gift shipped.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Not so far, although I have travelled to other cities to attend weddings (Philadelphia, for example, but this was the groom's hometown).
4.)What do you think about DWs? They aren't my style, but I don't mind them for others. Certainly there will be those who can't attend, and I'd be upset if I couldn't afford to attend and it was someone close to me, but I think the couple to be married should choose what makes them happy. Of course, they ought to think about whether the wedding is for them, or for their families. If it's the latter, then a DW might not be the best move.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Yes
2:)Where was the wedding? Brother got married in Turks and Caicos, just went to one in Phoenix
3.)How much did you spend to attend? My parents paid for me to attend brother's wedding. Phoenix wedding was $600 for flights, $100 for gift, $100 for dress, $300 for hotel and food so total was $1100.
4.)What do you think about DWs? I think they're fine but a PITA. I went to the one in Phoenix because I needed a vacay and put the tix on XH's credit card (so I guess I only spent $500 on it). I was supposed to go to another one this weekend but cancelled a few weeks ago because it was too hard emotionally to go right now.
I like going to DW's and might have one for my next wedding only so that I don't have to have a lot of ppl at my wedding--I want it small.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW?
I have now thoroughly confused myself with what I think the definition of a DW is. When I lived in Pgh, I was in a wedding in NY - does that count? It cost a fortune. Now that we live here, my brother's wedding was in Ohio and cost another fortune to attend, but that wasn't a DW really since her family lives there. Since living here, we've been to a wedding in Cyprus (the bride is Cypriot) and are going to weddings in England and Portugal next year (again, the brides are English and Portuguese). So from my perspective they are DWs but not really, right??
Anyway, the most money I've spent to go to a wedding was my brothers. For Cyprus and Portugal we're turning them into week-long holiday breaks with the added bonus of a fun party so it's not like we're going out of our way. We've definitely skipped weddings when it was just too difficult or far (my cousin got married in Alaska - where he lives - and I really wanted to go but we just couldn't afford it at the time. Big regret of mine actually!)
My SIL is having a DW in Greece next May. We are the only people for whom this is more convenient!
2:)Where was the wedding?
I've now confused myself more!
3.)How much did you spend to attend?
My brother's wedding was aboout $5K in the end for the two of us for flights, car rental and hotel. We stayed in the states longer obviously but we never would have travelled at that time of year. We've budgeted $2K for the Portugal wedding which is about what we spent on Cyprus (but again, wasn't really just for the wedding)
4.)What do you think about DWs?
Like all weddings, the couple has to realise that people's world's aren't centred around them and there are going to be people who can't come. My SIL is planning on getting married in Greece in May 2013. She gave everyone tons of notice and the immediate members of both families are huge travellers anyway so it's not a huge problem. They are only inviting immediate family and close friends and (she says) she totally understands if people can't come.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
Where in OH? (It's my home state.)
Cleveland. We then rented a house for a few days in Huron.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Yes
2:)Where was the wedding? Two of them. Both in Las Vegas, one we went to from Texas the other from Russia
3.)How much did you spend to attend? $1000 each maybe? DH and I went to the first one together and made a weekend of it. The other I went alone and it was in and out so I could spend more time at home visiting my family.
4.)What do you think about DWs? I really don't care. I think all brides and grooms should expect to get married alone. Anyone showing up to your wedding, no matter where it is, should be considered a bonus.
1. I didn't consider it destination. The b&g lived in NH and the wedding was in RI near her family's home. It was a destination to me since I lived in FL.
2. I answered that.
3. I drove up and stayed in a hotel two nights on the way up and one night on the way down, plus two nights for the hotel stay during the wedding. So, whatever that cost. (It might have been cheaper to fly, but I wanted a road-trip.)
4. Honestly, I wish I knew more people that had them. I love any excuse to travel! I also think that when people have a destination wedding (or invite out of town guests to their wedding) they shouldn't expect that people will drop everything to attend. I almost feel that they are having a DW, though, just to avoid having a large guest list.
1. No. (although I've been invited to some)
4. Hate them. I'm willing to travel to weddings (and I have, many times, including to foreign countries). I understand people getting married in their hometowns, where their parents live, etc. But I think having DW where every guest must travel is inconsiderate to the guests.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Yes
2:)Where was the wedding? Cancun
3.)How much did you spend to attend? I don't remember. We went for like 5 days and stayed in a hotel. The couple is divorced now...
4.)What do you think about DWs? I think they're fine.
We've never been to any. However, I would consider our wedding to be a destination wedding. We didn't really have any ties to Switzerland besides me moving there and the necessity of needing to get married right away.
FIL and SFIL did live in Switzerland. But the rest of DH's family had to drive 7-8 hours from Germany. My family wasn't even able to attend because it was so short notice and expensive.
4. I'm indifferent. I guess when you have one and the only people showing up are the one's on the groom side it sucks. You just have a thick skin and realize it's your wedding an you can't expect the guests to put down a lot of cash to come.
2012 Reading Challenge
Now Nesting from Chicago, IL My nail blog:
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Yes.
2:)Where was the wedding? Key West.
3.)How much did you spend to attend? Made a family vacation out of it, spending the week there with DH and DD, so I don't really count that as the cost of the wedding. We would have wanted to go somewhere anyway.
4.)What do you think about DWs? They make sense if your friends and family are scattered all over the place anyway or if you really want to keep things small and intimate.
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? Yes
2:)Where was the wedding? St. Pete's, FL
3.)How much did you spend to attend? Personally: nothing, actual costs: unsure (parents paid to attend a family wedding)
4.)What do you think about DWs? We considered having a DW--finding some kind of "neutral territory" for getting married, since I was living in the DR during our engagement, DH was in Guatemala, and I hadn't lived in my hometown in the US for several years. We also figured this would keep the wedding small and maintain "our list" (the people we really wanted to make it, not all of the extended family/family friends we ended up inviting). I think when you're not marrying your high school sweetheart, with whom you already share a community (school friends, church family, etc), it's hard to decide when, where, and how to plan a wedding and a DW often seems like an easier option. (We ended up getting married in my parents' backyard though...)
BTW, for those of you wondering why I was defensive about the DW, this is why. Some people (including that other friend) made me feel like I was being inconsiderate and AW-y by having a DW and lumping me into the group where someone did it "just because" when we did it because we were trying to cater to as many guests as possible - who were in Italy.
I don't feel like we were in that "just go on your honeymoon if you must be in the Carribean" group, but that is generally people's reaction to DW. Or the people who try to cost cut and shift costs to their guests ("it's so much cheaper in Mexico!").
I didn't care if people came or not because I understood that for some it was asking for a lot. But I do care if people assume I'm doing a DW to be an attention whore or don't care that I am putting out my guests. Generally, one of those two is true in an archetypal DW and I don't like being lumped into that category.
My friend is all judge-y about DWs, so that is where my defensiveness comes from. But hey, she also complains about the audacity of people having a bachelorette party on her 28th bday weekend, so I really shouldn't let it get to me.
OMG, sorry to say this about your friend, but what a PITA! Who the flip cares and/or wouldn't it be fun to have your friends in town/around for your bday (just kind of a bonus)? She really needs separate "events"?! Special.
Yeah, it wasn't my bachelorette, but I remember trying to talk her off the ledge with that one.
She is very sweet about lots of things, super smart and helpful with advice and support, but she sometimes can be a bit self-centered. We also would have to deal with her yearly rants during Passover "why do you guys have to do things when you know I can't really eat out?" As if someone (not Jewish) should have to move around their birthday celebrations so it is not during your moving religious celebration so you can properly enjoy dinner for their birthday.
Yom Kippur I understand a little more and made sure my wedding wasn't on that day for her. But still... she does get a little more upset than many people when things aren't planned around her.
Anyway, I just wanted to explain why the DW defensiveness came up in my convo with her (which was then was shiit-stirred by this Thrice Divorced person in the other post where I relayed some of that convo).
1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? - I traveled back home for a wedding I was in, but the Bride and Groom lived there, so not a true DW.
2:)Where was the wedding? - St. Pete, FL
3.)How much did you spend to attend? - Oy. $1200 for the flight, $150 for the gift, $150 for the dress, $140 for hotel at the resort. The rest of the time, I also made it a trip to visit family, so I don't count the rental car and such as part of the expense of attending.
4.)What do you think about DWs? - Eh, I'm fine with them, but be ok if I can't necessarily attend due to vacation time, expenses, etc.
I just realized I forgot the wedding I attended in Ireland in March. That was a true DW, although the groom's family have roots in Ireland generally.
We spent around ?200 for flights, ?250 for a hotel, ?125 for rental car, plus some food while there. So around ?600 all said and done.
We flew out on a Friday night, spent Saturday at the wedding, and then explored the area before heading back.
Quite a lot of the bride's guests from the States came and made a week of it.
It was a truly wonderful wedding, and I'm so glad we went.
Q1: No, so on to Q4:
I'm not sure what I think about it, it depends on the reason. If it's because it's always been 'your dream to get married in an Italian castle' but you don't speak the language and have never actually been to Italy before (I know of a bunch of those types) I say AW/stupid. If for other reasons, they could make sense. I could see me and FH do a destination wedding or elopement, but nothing else. We have family in 3 countries (Italy, NL, US), and large families for that matter. I would feel like I exclude 2/3 of our families if we'd get married in any of those 3 places. So I'd opt for eloping (relatively likely) or getting married in a whole different county we both have no real connection to, but would both like to go.
I would definitely choose a country of which we'd both speak the language fluently though.
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D1:) Have you ever gone to a DW? -- my younger brother says my own civil service was a destination wedding.
2:) Where was the wedding? -- a small rural town in Arkansas
3:) How much did you spend to attend? -- If you count DH's flights from Australia, over $5,000. Friends and family who attended paid between $0 and $1,000
4:) What do you think about DWs? -- True destination weddings? (Not like mine which was at a family reunion so everyone I wanted to see me married could with little to no inconvenience to them.) I think they are a bit selfish, but if getting married in an exotic location is the most important thing to you and your DH, who am I to question? I probably would not go to one unless it was a location I really wanted to see, and even then it would have to be reasonable travel expense-wise.