When you argue do you yell??

Re: When you argue do you yell??

• MarylandWed

  November 2011

  no yelling. sometimes we raise our voices but usually we like to keep things calm and in check. it just makes it easier to get it resolved than to make it ugly. i agree with your h - it's not a good idea in front of the kids. my dad was a yeller and i still feel terrified and like i am back to five years old when i hear a man getting angry. even when it's something innocuous like when my fil was cursing at our faucet last week when he came here to fix it. anyway the only thing i can think of is taking deep breaths and maybe taking a break if you find things are escalating. it would probably help to pay attention to how your body feels physically when you are getting to that point so you can recognize it in the future before it gets to the point of yelling. also examine what types of arguments you are having that are getting you so upset. is it possible you don't feel like you are being heard? it may not be just how you are arguing but why you are arguing that needs to be examined, too. good luck and if you find it's not getting resolved after trying for awhile don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist to find out the why behind it and to learn some skills to help it.

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• shmoozer

  November 2011

  I'm a big yeller. Just like my mother. I often get worried about what it will be like once we have children, for that exact reason. All my parents do is yell at each other. Even after having moved out 5 years+ ago, I still tend to cry when I'm there and they start to argue or she yells at my dad while I'm on the phone with her. Sucks.

  I have made a consious effort to work on this though. I think our arguements (H & I) are more productive since I try to remain calm.

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• karebear304

  November 2011

  I'm not a yeller, but I say really sarcastic things which also isn't helpful in an argument. I really don't have any suggestions on how to not be a yeller other than to try to consciously think about it, which it sounds like you're going to do.

  As far as cursing I think the more and more you get it out of your speech the less you curse. I was a big curser and when I started teaching I just stopped saying curse words. Even among friends & at home I would try really hard to not curse so I didn't slip up in the classroom. It's a habit like anything else so I think you just have to train yourself not to do it.
  

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• LSUmommy4

  November 2011

  I'm a yeller because I grew up with it and I HATE that I do it.  I know we make fun of the Duggar's a lot but I was watching the special where they answered questions and asked how Michelle stays so calm when she gets upset with the kids.

  She responded by saying that no matter how upset she is with them (and you could use this at your H) that what will that accomplish if you make them fearful or upset and to try and stay calm.

  I wish I could be that calm.  We really try not to argue infront of Ava when we do argue because I don't want her growing up like I did.

  I'm much less likely to drop curse words now that she's around...I can turn it on and off depending on the situation...H can not and this is something I keep reminding him of.

  Even more Ava was in the picture we both said FU was off limits and if someone said it of F off that we had to stop the argument and apologize because those two phrases to us were the most disrespectful.

  It's so hard but I'm going to keep trying and just walk away or count in my head...whenever I literally feel my blood pressure rising I tell him to go into the other room to get away from me haha

  

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