Military Nesties
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question about single parents in the service
I am waiting to leave for boot camp and am starting to get the feeling my H doesnt want to be with me anymore. If my H left me before I am supposed to leave for bootcamp what would happen to DS? Would I not be allowed to go to boot camp anymore?
Re: Question about single parents in the service
I believe you'd have to sign over custody of DS and come up with a family care plan before you're allowed to ship.
Is it possible he's just pulling away unintentionally because he knows you're leaving soon? I'm guilty of doing this and it's something we're trying to work on communicating through instead of me just holing up and hiding.
That's what I was afraid of. I do not want to give up DS.
I think it is that I am leaving and he doesnt want to move out of state if we keep fighting. We fight on and off about stupid things. I understand his fears but as my ship date gets closer he is acting more like he doesnt want me than trying to work things out.
Yes, they will kick you out, my friend went through something similar. She had to sign over custody until she got to her first duty station where she then regained custody(he gave it back to her). It's possible in the military but you have to have a good family care program in place.
I know I need to talk to my recruiter but I just really don't want to tell him until I know for sure what is going to happen. He is kind of weird and not very good about answering questions that I have. And he like to talk s**t to the other recruiters and I don't want them talking about me.
1. Talk to your H about whatever it is that is giving you the "feeling my H doesnt want to be with me anymore"
2. Talk to your recruiter.
3. Even if you were to leave for boot camp and your H decided he wanted to leave you wouldnt be considered a single parent until the divorce was final. That being said, you wont sign over your parental rights to him before you leave because you would still be married.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Signing over custody to your H =/= giving up all rights to your child. I know that doesn't solve your problem or answer your question but I just wanted to make the distinction. It depends on your state and situation, obviously but what it generally means is that your child will live with your H and you will have visitation with him. But you will make all decisions about his health and welfare jointly.
I can certainly understand that you might not be willing to do this. But it's not the same as giving up all rights to your child.
And signing over your parental rights isn't what you'd be doing either, fwiw. In fact, it's near impossible to sign over your parental rights without having someone else like a stepparent who is willing to adopt the child. The only way you can lose your rights to your child otherwise is to have the state go through the process of taking them away, which won't happen unless you smoke crack AND beat your child.
Click me, click me!
If your H doesn't give you custody back, you can take him to court. Bases have CDC that you could bring your child to while you are at work, and you would probably have to find another sitter for duty days/nights. Also, you would definitely need a family care plan for who would get custody of your child while you are deployed or gone for underways.
Sorry, but all the recruiters talk about what is going on with their Deppers with the other recruiters. They work in an office together, and work toward goals each month, so they are definitely going to let the other recruiters know if there is something going on that will count against the office. My H was a Navy recruiter at his last station, and knew things about all of the deppers from his office, even if he wasn't the one who put them in, since it could affect him if they didn't reach goal. If you're really that worried about what would be said you can try talking to his RINC and see if you can get better answers out of him/her.
When I joined, I was a single mom of two. My XH and I had joint legal and physical custody. I did not have to sign over any rights. I did give my mom a POA to take care of things on my behalf.
1. Talk to your husband.
2. Look into couseling
3. Talk to your recruiter.