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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Honesty and directness in other countries
Are people in your respective countries as blunt, honest, and direct as they seem to be here in Spain?
For example, there's no sugar coating "that article of clothing doesn't fit you well", "you're getting fat", "what a haircut!" or what have you. Dear old DH just hit me with a "I didn't like the essay you did" for a course I'm doing (even though the teacher said she loved it - take that!) and his grandma has no problem telling us when we've gained weight (I saw her today and she didn't say anything - hurray!)
So - are we just ridiculously oversensitive North Americans or are folks just extremely blunt here in Espa?a?
Re: Honesty and directness in other countries
I think they are very blunt here. At least for me, it was really hard to get used to it. I am talking about years of getting mad at it. Granted, I dont take criticism well but I was always taught that if you have nothing nice to say then dont say anything at all.
Now, I dont care. I am now just the strange gringa who marches to the beat of her own drum. It feels actually really liberating. I feel that there is more pressure here to do the correct thing that I just gave up.
Dutch people are blunt, but not THAT blunt.
The only person who's ever told me that I got fatter was my FIL, but that was meant as confirming something I said (and he was iffy about it). He's getting deaf and my MIL told me she'd gained weight, he then asked me what she said so I responded 'that she gained weight'. To which he paused and started at me for a minute, only to proceed with 'yeah, maybe you did gain a little'. Uhm, thanks - I had just been so happy that my size-too-small jeans finally fit me again!
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DI think the Scots (at least the ones I know) would never say anything like that.
However, I saw BF`s brother yesterday, whom I had not seen in awhile and he said to me, "you`re not as big as before, there`s less now". Yes thank you, I used to be bigger, and I am no longer that size. He followed it up with asking me how I had done it since he needed to lose weight so I know it was a compliment but man, ouch.
BF was so embarrassed. I don't know if that's a cultural trait, or just a clueless man one.
I actually find Canadians to be oddly blunt and passive agressive at the same time. But it could be because I am in French Canada and don't really know many Anglo Canadians - so I could be wrong.
They'll say something mildly insulting and then follow it up by a million sorrys. Like, American girls are fat (this is something my French teacher said in front of the whole class - I was pretty offended at that one). Or American beer sucks.
And then they'll say, "I'm sorry." maybe five or six times? Even when it's not that insulting. There's a different way they joke around that I'm not used to.
But...American beer does suck.
Sorry.
Don't you go starting that on my thread. I mean, Schooner? Really Canada? There was one night I was drinking that at uni and it tasted like apple juice!!!
But seriously here - there's some dang good beer in America and the same for Canada. This cross-border battle (one sided, if you ask me) needs to stop! I'm going to ask Obama if he needs an ambassador for Canada. : )
It is an odd mix in Indonesia, if I am shopping somewhere where there are more traditional sizes and I pick up a medium they tell me straight away that it won't fit me I need a L or XL, I think though they don't realise they are being blunt, just trying to be helpful.
On the other hand because most people don't want to offend if I ask my driver to do something or pick something up he will always answer yes, even if he has no intention of doing it because he doesn't want to, he only says yes so it doesn't offend me. Bloody annoying though when I think it is getting done only to find him asleep again.
People in Spain are certainly very blunt and direct to the point where it has made me uncomfortable and angry before. Like dulcemaria, it has taken me time to get used to it and there are still things that people say that will make my mouth drop or my blood boil -- and I'm not soft spoken so people who say things like this to me or about someone else to me often get an earful. This embarrasses DH I think, but sometimes I can't help myself.
I agree with ctgirlingermany that North Americans excessively sugar-coat, but the difference from the US to here is just shocking for me I guess.
You crack me up! But no, you can't sugarcoat that one...mullets are mullets and they are gross. Always.
Those of you who think Americans sugarcoat everything would lose your minds in Korea
It drove me crazy to never know if someone was telling the truth or being polite. Someone will say "maybe that might be a good idea" when they mean "that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard." Koreans (and the Japanese as well) have a rep for being very subtle and indirect. It really made me nuts at times when living there.
In Ethiopia on the other hand, people tend to say what they mean and mean what they say. The weight example is a good one here. One of the first things my MIL ever said to me was "Why are you so fat when you haven't had any babies yet?" Ethiopians ask all kinds of personal questions without hesitation, like how much do you weigh, what is your salary, etc.
This one reminds me of having a guide while we toured one of the temples here, who asked me if I "pushed Otto out of my vagina!" he was male too, I was so embarrassed, we hadn't been here for long but I have since learnt that absolutely nothing is private, they aren't being nosy, just making conversation. A friend of ours walked into his office the other day and asked his secretary how she was feeling, she responded that she wasn't that great because she was menstruating, poor guy couldn't get into his office fast enough.
LOL Mrshooi!!!
With my friends here we are all pretty honest with each other, but not in a rude way.
I've had people on the street comment about M being still in a stroller. I rarely use the stroller now, except for when I'm going grocery shopping with M - keeps the kid strapped in and holds my groceries! So I always just tell them that I makes my life easier for shopping - wishing I could just say Mind your own business!
In Vietnam, I heard a lot of blunt comments about pimples, gaining weight, when we were going to plan on having a baby, not yet being married etc... I learned pretty quickly to brush it off otherwise I would have felt insulted pretty often!
However, they were also very forward with compliments and strangers often gave them.
Israelis are very brutally honest. People will tell you if you've gained weight--XH's aunt asked if I was pregnant after a 5 lb weight gain. Strangers will ask very personal questions too. I've gotten everything from when are you having babies to what is your salary and how big/how expensive was your diamond ring.
Ironically, no one ever called out the middle aged women in too tight clothes sporting camel toes--hmmm
Bwahaha.I've noticed this as well. I had a conversation with an Italian girl once and she was going on and on about how Americans are so fat/lazy/stupid/eat only fast food and etc. I was so shocked because she too was wearing clothes that were about 3 sizes too small and had a major camel toe going on. I'm thinking, "Really?"
Dutch people are also direct. My FIL felt totally comfortable commenting on my weight gain when I was pregnant. My MIL felt comfortable telling me that I'm not the cleanest person, but I must be getting used to it because I just replied that I'm perfectly clean but I'm not crazy about it like she is.