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An explanation
I apologize to the people who are upset by this drama and just want it to stop. I've been trying to post as normal so that it goes away, and because I don't feel like I should be run out of this chat room. I'm sure plenty of hateful things are being said in the facebook group, and that's fine. That is for whoever is in the group. But this board is public and I don't think you have a right to force people out. Not everyone agrees that I was in the wrong.
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I was writing a response to Risa about something she asked in a previous thread. Out of nowhere, neeps and then Snippy respond on completely unrelated topics. In my thread, I did not solicit advice or opinions. I understand, of course, that it is public and anyone can say whatever they want.
However, Snippy chose to bring up a fight I had with then FH back in January. She decided to bring up a time that we almost broke up and then somehow link that to his getting fired. I don't understand why this is OK. If you don't really know the situation, why would you insinuate that someone deserved being fired? Even if you think it, wouldn't you at least realize there is no point in being b!tchy just for it's sake? She knew she was being a a-hole and knew she was not being helpful, as she knows nothing about the legal field and all events have passed. So she just wanted to bring up painful things from the past for no particular purpose.
I responded nicely, although I was upset, because hey - we all know how Snippy can get and I didn't want to deal with that. She then responds on to neeps topics and tells me I need to be self aware. And more like her, who would never do something like live somewhere she doesn't like/can't handle.
I had 2 problems with this.
1. Who here wants to be judged purely off things they have said on the internet while stressed from an overseas move? She can tell me "Jet - you aren't communicating well, because that's not the vibe I get from you." Or "did you know that you come off this other way?" No, she told me that she knows me best and that I should be more like her. That is just ridiculous and insulting. Others called me xenophobic or think that I must hate it here because I bring up Dubai so often... while those things are untrue, if that's your reading of the situation, then fine. Other people did not see my posts that way and got a different impression. Everyone has a right to their own opinion - but she went much further than that.
2. It's just not true that she wouldn't live somewhere she didn't like. Her dislike of Italy is not a secret. I pointed that out. I swear that somewhere I saw her mention the things I mentioned in that post. I don't remember if it was here or the Knot but in any event I didn't make it up. If I'm wrong for that, then I'm sorry I said something incorrect.
At this point, I couldn't continue to play nice. I was upset and responded. You don't get to be an a-hole and then expect that no one will respond in kind. Why does she get this free pass? Because it's expected or because she is so proud of it and "owns it"? Talk about a double standard.
My response, for those who read it carefully, only mentioned things about Snippy that we all know.
1. She hasn't had a job for very long. So therefore, I don't see why she considers herself an expert in employment matters. Especially when she has no clue how law firms, especially mine, work.
2. She hated Italy. Again, maybe I got some details wrong, but I didn't do it intentionally. She put that out there somewhere. I don't care enough to try to find it, but I didn't purposefully make it up.
I then talked about general problems many of us face. Not having enough money. Issues regarding children (which, as Snippy never wants kids, could not have been directed at her). I basically said that we all have hard times, but it doesn't have to mean that we hate our lives because of some situations we may dislike and that this is comparable to my situation in Tstan. It's not amazing 100% of the time, but the times that it does bug me (and I write about it here) does not overwhelm the time that I am perfectly content to be here. Again, this was applicable to everyone.
Then I brought up a situation regarding a pet. I did not specify who I was talking about. Sure, you could infer it was her, especially if you already knew that info. But for a random stranger, they would not know I was talking about her. Her reaction is what confirmed it. In fact, before I was kicked off the facebook group someone asked "What information from Facebook was shared on the nest?" That means it wasn't clear I was talking about her. Also, I don't have multiple personalities. My facebook persona is the same as the nest. I didn't realize we were supposed to act like they were different people, but anyway, it doesn't matter since I wasn't speaking about her directly.
Anyway, the point was that we all have moments that we are upset with our SOs. We do not want them trotted out later - as she did to me for no reason. But even if we have some problems, doesn't mean the whole thing sucks all the time. This related to my point about Turkmenistan.
Enter everyone freaking out. Someone who is proud of being "snippy" (around these boards we know it's a polite word for "b!tchy") is now upset that she got some of that back. She now wants all of you to pile on me more in order to defend the honor of our group.
I don't get it. Why she can do something in an unprovoked manner and it's fine, but it's an outrage when done back to her anonymously and with reason? Or why no one gets that if she has had "issues" with so many people before.... maybe she is the common denominator. If you see two kids in a fight at the playground, maybe at first you believe little Johnny when he says the other person started it. But after that has happened 7 times with a bunch of different kids, don't you start to think maybe he is at fault, too?
I won't apologize because I don't think I did something wrong. I won't be bullied into it. However, at least you all know that if I ever do apologize to any of you, that it will be genuine.
I know many of you think that I have sunk so low and you are better than me. Some of you same people are the ones who think I am miserable here. So don't I need this board more than most and shouldn't you be big enough to stop with the insults?
Re: An explanation
You conveniently left out this part, which was a blatant attack on Snippy and things she hasn't mentioned on this board:
I AM EDITING OUT THE PERSONAL INFO
If you don't see the issues with that then you are clearly not even trying to see that what you did was wrong.
I don't actually see anyone on here defending you, but if people agree with you then they should come forward and do so. Then you guys can all have happy conversations about whatever you want to post about. But quite frankly I am pretty sure you burnt bridges with most everyone on this board.
I am sure there other message boards you can find that will buy into whatever you are selling. This is, currently, not one of them.
And actually this part wasn't in reference to your posts at all but rather something Tofu wrote in the FFFC. See, not everything is about you.
"In fact, before I was kicked off the facebook group someone asked "What information from Facebook was shared on the nest?" That means it wasn't clear I was talking about her."
2012 Reading Challenge
Now Nesting from Chicago, IL My nail blog:
Are you entitled to an opinion? Sure. Does it mean you get to be a class A arsehole about it? No. Snippy may be curt and opinionated, but you are just downright b!tchy, there's a fine line.
And I am finding ti amusing that at the top of your post you "apologise", then at the bottom say "I won't apologise" Which is it?
Exhibit A:
The fantasy world you live in is amazing. Snippy brought up the wedding thing because YOU posted it in your original post:
Now they are saying, "Jeanine, we have tons for you in NY" because I'm in the arbitration group and telling him "we don't expect to have much for you next year, so goodbye."
It's all a bit strange and even more a-hole than they normally are, which is why we wonder if any of this has to do with the wedding.
Then YOU brought up the January thing - whatever that was. Snippy just vaguely referenced the general situation. Which if we're using Jetur logic should have been fine because - in your words - a random stranger wouldn't have known what she was talking about. It was your reaction that confirmed it.
You can hate Snippy all you want, but you're responsible for your own behavior. All this "explaining" is just you trying to put the blame Snippy for how you behaved. THAT** is what I have the most problems with - that you can't see that no one is responsible for what you put here except you.
** Edit: I don't agree at all with what you wrote about Snippy and your continued denial of the fact that you were out of line grates.
*applauds WR*
And here, Jetur, have a spade, you need one for the hole you're in.
I'm a long time knottie/nestie but have stayed away the last year for various reasons (mostly due to going back to school, some to do with the tone/tempo of the board at times). I've seen a lot of drama, some of which, a long time ago, had been targeted at me. It happens.
I think being bitchy as Jetur was in sharing private info in the heat of the virtual moment was sh!tty but really, cumulatively, I'm sure snippy has dealt a similar amount of excrement. Again, it happens, it's the internet, we're human, not everyone likes everyone. Demonising Jetur and sanctifying Snippy seems like overkill to me.
Right. back to other matters.
I have to admit it was the depression thing that bothered me the most. I'll go ahead and assume everyone on this board knows that clinical depression is an illness and not something that you can choose whether you have or not.
Jetur, you didn't even respond to that part of your post, and that's what I was hoping to see an apology about - that you made fun of her for having a serious illness and implied that you were better than her because you didn't have it.
To be honest, one of the reasons I wasn't defending Snippy was because I found it just as out of line that she wished depression on Jetur. I don't know if I'm alone with that opinion or not, but it turned me off the whole discussion. (and yet here I am, joining in. sigh.)
That's not what's going on. Jetur shared personal information to attack Snippy because she was upset with everyone and the world. She still refuses to apologize even though we told her she was a cvnt and a half for doing so. It is irrelevent whether Snippy has a tough skin or not. She clearly stated that her privacy had been violated and she was very mad and hurt. We would have done the same if it has been you or anyone else. Jetur crossed a big line, acts as if nothing happened so yeah, we want her gone.
Well said Loopy.
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I miss you Loopy, nicely said, drama comes and goes, doesn't make it right just makes it part of an online chat room.