Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Has anyone ever been successful in having e-mails subpoenaed?
I just found the secret e-mail account my H used to continue his affair with the last woman he cheated on me with (prior to the one he left me for). My attorney told me that staying after he cheated will be seen as "forgiving" him for the affair and therefore might hurt my case rather than helping it. Knowing he has this, though, lets me know that there might be real evidence of the most recent affair (the only evidence I have now is word of mouth confession from him, which he now denies) that I could use. Has anyone been able to do this? I know the e-mail providers are usually pretty protective of stuff like that.
She's crafty - and she's just my type.
Re: Has anyone ever been successful in having e-mails subpoenaed?
Are you able to log in to the account? If you can get to them, print them and give them to your lawyer.
This makes me think that your attorney is an idiot. Any smart woman would get her ducks in a row before leaving a deceitful man--the fact that you stayed should have nothing to do with the fact that he cheated on you and left you for another woman. Does she think physically abused women are consenting to abuse by not leaving as well? I'd get a new attorney.
Considering that I gave up my career and he has had me at home with his children for the past 6 years before abandoning us, I am going to get what my children and I are entitled to.
Also, it's YOU'RE. YOU'RE making us educated women look like we can't spell properly.
WTF???
#1: It is "you're".
#2: You're a biitch.
Ha!
OP - My state is the same in terms of condoning / forgiveness, and generally the reason for the divorce does nothing but make it quicker (i.e. fault = 3 months, no fault = a year). It generally doesn't have an effect on the amount of alimony or cs. All I'm saying is it may be more trouble than it's worth and will also be very messy. May not be worth it if you want to preserve a cordial co-parenting relationship. Sorry, I don't have any experience with actually retrieving emails, but a private investigator would probably be needed in order to "prove" your case if that's the route you choose to take.
What she said.
Don't mind binzy. She's been trolling for years. Her favorite topics are anti-liberalism and her husband's Coke can sized penis. Punctuation and proper spelling haven't ever been much of a concern of hers.
Not to be taken seriously. She used to drive me up a wall, but now I either giggle or tune her out.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
in order to get emails subpoena'd, you need to have your lawyer petition a judge. a court order is what is necessary.
records will only get subpoena'd if you need them for trial. you only go to trial if you can't come to a global settlement with your lawyers first.
dragging your kids through a trial (especially a trial because you guys can't agree on the spousal support portion of the agreement) will be traumatic and i would only recommend it in cases where the spouse was abusive and the kids are in danger and you have to go to trial to fight for custody. bc then its totally necessary.
but going to trial over spousal support?? the judge is going to see you both as total azzholes who can't agree for the sake of the children. both of you will look bad.
and regardless of your state being no fault, judges dont give more cashmoneys out to the spouse who was cheated on because they were cheated on.
child support is mandatory. spousal support is not. and you aren't entitled to anything. your children are entitled to child support (and other child support add ons).
my best advice would be to get crack-a-lackin' on career plans so you can support your kids.
According to my attorney, being able to prove the infidelities IS going to affect alimony in this case, but that's beside the point.
I am currently looking for a full time job in addition to the 2 small businesses I run from home. I am not seeking alimony so I don't have to work, it's so I can continue to live in my house, which I won't be able to afford on my own. I don't want to stay here and would prefer to move to a smaller place that I can afford on my own, however houses in my neighborhood are taking 2-4 years to sell right now (and there's one that's been for sale for 4.5). I told H I couldn't afford it on my own and he told me if I force him to take responsibility for the house he'll just stop paying and let it get foreclosed on, ruining my excellent credit...so either I have to figure out how to pay for it on my own until it sells, or I have to ruin my credit by letting it go into foreclosure. I am sure to some people alimony = greed, but to me it's so I can try to save us from some of the HUGE financial mistakes my H is trying to make. He has walked away from everything here and moved across the country, so completely abandoning every financial responsibility he has here, and leaving his children and me with no place to live, wouldn't faze him.
Ok I definitely get your frustration. my ex definitely tried to do all of these things including having my electricity shut off. yeah, and i have a 2.5 yr old at home. dad of the year! And for what its worth- the house payment- is considered supporting your children- so your lawyer can figure that expense into child support. normally you'd get the 17% per child- but since you have two kids with him you'll end up getting like 27% for both total. Then your lawyer can figure out "add ons" to the child support so the mortgage is figured in so you can continue to house and feed your kids... i.e. support the children.
and since he bounced across the country, i am guessing that he doesn't want custody. so since you're incurring most of the cost to raise them, you'll get significantly more money- and that might possibly eliminate your need for spousal maintenance. (even though you'll be getting it anyway, kwim?)
he can't stop paying the mortgage though i am pretty sure, and if he does he'll be screwing his own credit up unless the house is in just your name.
another thing he can't do: stop paying for your health insurance or the kids health insurance.
thats really good that you have a home business as well... the courts will look at it from the standpoint of- you are able to be at home with your kids, AND can provide income.
sorry if my initial response sounded harsh. i just went through this whole thing with a super nasty ex h so if you have any questions about legal strategy, i can give you insight. feel free to PM.