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Ugh! Rough lonely weekend.
I have only posted once on here once http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59741434.aspx about my separation and divorce and I thought I was doing ok until this weekend. I'm living with my parents now and they were away this weekend so I had the whole house to myself which led to me feeling very lonely. Luckily my mom was able to comfort me and talk some sense into me last night when she got home but it's just not enough to help completely.
I am really struggling with not being able to talk to my husband and I just really wish things were different. I have known him since I was 17, so 13 years now, and he's always been my go to person. Not having that right now is killing me! What have you ladies done to try to heal from divorce and get over your husband? I know it's probably going to take time but I'm just so sad right now. I'm already on an AD but I guess it's just not working so great right now. 
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Re: Ugh! Rough lonely weekend.
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This is great advice, thank you. I will definitely look into volunteering. My mom keeps pushing me to journal because I do love to write but I just haven't done it yet. I started a private blog months ago so maybe I'll get back into that. And yesterday was my day to just cry about it. I'm trying so hard to be strong about this and not shed tears but I can only do that for so long. It's eventually going to come out sideways if I try to hide.
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Sometimes you just need to embrace it and cry it out. I moved in with my parents after I left XH and they gave me 2 weeks of pity partying before giving me a swift kick in the ass. I wasn't working at the time (except for teaching spinning classes) so my mom said I needed to get out of bed to do something everyday. I picked up golfing (I left in June so the weather was nice) and some extra spinning classes. I posted on this board a lot and started reading in bed at night instead of crying.
I suffered panic attacks (mostly bc XH threatened suicide) and I got some help for that. Reading, posting on this board and exercise got me through the rough patches. I started realizing that there's life outside of my life with XH. Since the divorce I have found a new lease on life--started volunteering with a battered women's shelter and decided on new career goals.
It's tough sometimes to forge your own life since it's been so intertwined with someone else's for so long, but after a while, you'll get used to it and likely will be happier than you were before! It gets bad, but can only get better
Yea i can tell my Mom is already frustrated with me being so upset considering how my stbxh is acting. She wants me to wake up and get over him quick but it's just not going to happen that fast. It is really tough realizing I'm on my own now and figuring out what my next steps should be. I can't wait to feel happier than I do now.
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I don't think I've posted on here before but none the less - when I left my stbxh, it was the hardest day of my life. Granted, he was the one that wanted the divorce, but I was the one who ended up leaving after a huge blowup/fight. I moved back home with my parents and that has been such a great thing for me. I've been back now a little over a year while I'm trying to settle my divorce and get back on my feet. Anyways, there were days that I would just sit and cry and then there were days that I was ok. The one thing that my therapist told me was if I was feeling an emotion, I needed to feel it and not push it away. She said it was unhealthy to keep it all bottled up inside. As the days have gone on, coming to terms with it has gotten easier and I can now go weeks without being upset and the tears are fewer. I also turned to my church. It was nice to be able to call on them in my time of need.
Some of the things I did/am doing to keep me occupied? I joined the gym, I joined a small group with my church, I hang out with friends.
By the way, I love your boxer - I have two. Taz is 10 and Tyson in 4. They also really helped me through this - to know that I had their unconditional love was awesome.
I am so sorry!
After my seperation I was not alone for about a month (I was 8 months pregnant though and needed help with certain things). I stayed with my parents and when they were out of town I stayed with my aunt. I talked to my BFF all the time!
I also talked to some ladies from TB/TN. Some were other single moms, some were just regs I had a friendship with. This really did help me when I needed to vent and talk.
Sorry you had a rough weekend! Ditto to all PP. I know it is easy to try and remember what you miss about him, but also remind yourself why you are going down this road.
In terms of healing, take it one day at a time. Exercise was a huge outlet for me. I also tried new hobbies, took some classes, etc. Just keep yourself busy.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Thank you so much ladies for your suggestions!
Those of you that really got into exercising, did it take you a while to do it? I know I need to work out for stress relief and piece of mind but I'm just in such a funk that I'm not motivated at all.
@Freshstart- Thank you, I love my boxer too, her name is Maddie. But the ex had to keep her because she's just to big and wild to have at my parents. I'm missing her horribly too.
Thank goodness I have my little guy Riley with me though, he's a lifesaver! I don't know what I'd do without a dog to help keep me sane.
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I worked out a lot before the divorce so I just started channeling the negative energy into my workouts. Hills and sprints on the bike became cathartic as my anger, rage and disappointment at XH drove through the pedals. There are days I cried while on the bike too (thankfully not when I was teaching a class but you wouldn't have known since I sweat so much during Spin class!)
Maybe a class like yoga, one that you pay for at a studio will be good for you. By paying for a block of classes, you'll feel bad not going which will motivate you to go, and you might meet new people, not to mention that it's a great stress reliever.
I had 2 boxers when I left XH. One was a puppy who I gave away to a family friend and he kept the other dog (pre-marital property). I cried harder when I left the dogs than when I left XH. I'm glad you have at least one to soothe you.
OMG! A million times yes to what you said about leaving the dog. I really want to work out some sort of visitation but I don't really see that happening since I'll have to see the ex. I just love her to pieces and she is the biggest love in the world! I'm so much more heartbroken over her I think! lol
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I know how you feel. Visitation to me would have been harder than never seeing my pup again though. When XH and I lived abroad, I had only a few friends and worked at home and my pup was my co-worker and closest friend. It was awful to say goodbye but I knew it was for the best that I would never see him again. It would be too hard for me and I'd have to see XH if I wanted to see the pup...something that, no matter how much I missed the dog, wasn't worth it for me.
I agree with all the PPs. It's okay to have a pity party from time to time, but it's important to not let yourself get too far into a funk. I started working with a volunteer organization and that's been amazing for me. Working with people who are far less fortunate than you helps put things in perspective (at least it did for me).
I also worked out a lot. It's hard for me to work out unless I have a goal I'm working towards so I signed up for one of those military obstacle style races (something I would not have done while I was married.) Having an end goal made it easier to keep myself motivated and I took some really interesting fitness classes to prepare (like trapeze and ribbon classes for upper body strength). Doing something new and challenging kept me focused on things other than the divorce.
Yes, I really had to force myself to go. Not to get all psycho babble and stuff on you but studies have shown that people who exercise routinely are 3 times less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. That was my mantra when I didn't want to go lol. It helped because I would pack my gym clothes and throw them in the car and I would force myself to go after work. I also had the "10 minute rule". I would make myself go to the gym but I would tell myself that if I wanted to leave after 10 minutes, I could. I think I only left once. The rest of the time I stayed and kept working out.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04