Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Am I being completely unreasonable?
So, my BFF lives in Boston. She comes home maybe twice a year. I see her extremely rarely. The last time I saw her was for her wedding last September. She's somewhat of a free spirit and not much of a planner, but that's just part of being her friend. DH is a planner, doesn't like this quality about my BFF.
Anyway, so BFF tells me a month ago that she's coming into town and will need a place to stay for one night and will need a ride from the airport. Her DH will be flying in later in the weekend, so it's just her. She's flying in Thursday afternoon. She figured since I'm SAH right now that I'd be able to pick her up, she'd come hang out and stay the night, and then she'd go see her other friend on Friday and she'd be out of my hair.
I want to accommodate her - I rarely see her, and it's one night. Yes, we have a new baby, and no it's not easy, but what is when you have a new baby? I told DH about it when she told me, and he said she could come visit for Thursday but not stay the night and I couldn't pick her up at the airport. True, it would mean he'd have to take the bus to and from work that day, and we'd have a houseguest. But this is my BFF who I rarely see, and it's just one night. He didn't like that, so he said either we do it his way or nothing. I sort of saw his point (he doesn't like the fact that he wouldn't be able to get up in the middle of the night and walk around in his undies - which he rarely does). He's also saying that she "does this a lot and we always say yes". Well, she's been my BFF for 15 years. I'm not okay saying no to someone who'd gladly take us in if we needed a place to stay, and especially to someone I love dearly. He's trying to make it about me not considering his feelings about it, and that because she "does this often", he feels slightly used. Well... I'm saying tough. If it was his friend, i'd be okay with it. One night isn't going to kill us. He's super pissed, though, and I'm not exactly sure if it's something he'll get over quickly.
Am I being totally disrespectful of DH and putting my friend first, or is my DH being a baby?
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
Re: Am I being completely unreasonable?
I think your H was being unreasonable when he wanted you to see your friend HIS way or not at all. I would be tempted to bring up the incident of his parents visit post-bringing home Baby M and the way that made you feel, and use it as ammunition to get your way, but that probably wouldn't be "fighting fair."
I think you guys need to talk more, and you need to let your H know exactly how you feel and why your friend is so important to you.
Photo courtesy of jennygg.com
My never updated Planning/Married Bio: http://mgoss228.weebly.com/
Seattle Knotties: Please page me if you send me a PM!
I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. It is important to you that you see your best friend. Is it the bussing to work that is bothering him? Or just the "walking around in his undies?" because he can handle it for one night I think!
Hope it works out!
I feel like I might be on the other side of everyone else's response.
I can see why he'd be upset but I might be putting words into his mouth or something cause it might not be the fact that she's here and you have to accommodate her flightiness as much as the fact that you're willing to sacrifice your life for hers, albeit for one night. He might feel (and I don't know the whole situation obviously), that if you're going to make any sacrifices at this point, it should be for the two of you to spend more quality time together? And having a new baby isn't easy on everyone I'm sure. Her visit might be a line he doesn't want to really deal with right now, let alone cross.
At the same time, I can understand why you're pissed. I rarely see my own BFF and if my husband gave me this kind of ultimatum, I'd be really upset.
Is there any way to compromise with this? Can she hang out with you during the day and then spend the night with that other friend? Is there a way for you to all hang out together? (You, her, and her other friend?)
(Also, yea, this is probably not the right time to mention how you felt right after you guys came home. I do think it should be brought up at some point, but that's not fighting fair in this situation.)
Well, it's come down to me getting my way, with DH being really upset about the whole thing.
He just needs to understand that as much as I can see his point of view, he is completely overlooking my perspective. He says that just seeing her for the afternoon should be enough and she should find other accommodations and transportation - regardless of what kind of relationship she and I have and how I feel about it.
So this is just going to be something we talk about ad nauseum because he won't feel like backing down, and neither will I.
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
Newlywed Athlete Blog
DD Arrived 10/17/2011
2012 Races
Valentine's Day Dash - 5k - 2/11/12 - 34:21
Kirkland 5k - 5/13/12 - 31:59
Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
Your dh is being totally unreasonable with his "it's my way or the highway attitude" and I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. Life often involves compromise and his ridiculous if the only reason he doesn't want her to stay is because he couldn't walk around in his shorts. And I don't at all believe she is taking advantage of you, I think that is what friendship is about, squeezing in time with each other when you can, and helping out where you can.
My friends and I often do things on a concept of whim/last minute/hey I'm going to be in two in 2 days could I maybe crash with you sort of deal. Sometimes things are planned, sometimes not. Your friend is more of the whim-type person, and you're ok with that. I don't believe your H is correct at all that she's taking advantage of you, no way no how. The inconvenience of not having the opportunity to walk around in his undies if he should get a wild hair (since that doesn't sound like his usual routine) is not a big deal and he is being a baby about that.
The point I would concede to your husband is the him having to take the bus to and from work. What about a compromise if she can take a taxi/shuttle/non-you transit to your house?
No, now is not the time to bring up the whole crap that happened with his family post-birthing, but that was inconvenient for you. I might just mention that in passing (if you can stay cool-headed enough about it and not go into the rest of the issue with that).
I think your husband is being thoroughly unreasonable about the entire thing. Seriously, bussing to work one day and having to keep his pants on while he's at home for ~24hrs is not a big deal.
My BFF lives in Ottawa, Ontario, so I totally hear you on the 'I get to see her very, very rarely and I want to accommodate her so I can spend time with her' thing.
Frankly, if my BFF were going to come and visit and needed a ride back from the airport in Vancouver, BC, I'd bloody well go to Vancouver, BC to pick her up -- new baby in tow and all. (I have a passport, and, if driving across the border, children under 16 need only present proof of U.S. citizenship, i.e. a birth certificate, and if both parents are not present, a letter of consent for the trip from the other parent, for entry into Canada and entry back into the US, as per the US State Department website.) Let alone simply letting her spend the night one night! Jeeze.
Picking her up at SeaTac is not a huge deal, and if my DH tried to pull the same sh!t with me that your DH is doing, we'd probably end up having our first-ever real fight about it.
i'm way late on this, but i'm glad you did what you did. yes, it sucks for your h to bus to work for one day...it really does. bussing can be a pain. but the walking around in his skivvies thing? that's his own choice. he totally still could
. that's her own fault for choosing to stay in your home!
but yes, team picks. all the way.
and this. totally.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
exactly.