Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Speaking of Stage 5 Clinger
What constitutes "clinger" in your book? Also do you ever get so wrapped up in trying not to be a clinger that you end up coming off as dis-interested? For example, I used to really try and keep tally on who had asked who out first, who texted last, how long in between our texts. Once I let go and just kinda communicated when I felt like it, things actually seemed to get much better for me. Of course I'm not talking five or six texts a day, asking to hang out every second of the day or anything, but if I have something relevant to communicate/ask I do it. Of course this is all assuming the communication is reciprocated. If it wasn't I'd obviously get the hint and move on:)
Re: Speaking of Stage 5 Clinger
I am independent and I like my own time and space, but I do like to have regular communication with the person I'm dating.
On average, The Artist and I go about 3 days in between when we see each other, but we usually throw a few texts/emails back and forth each day, and a phone conversation every other day or so.
To answer your question, a "clinger" for me would be someone who wanted/needed to see me every day (assuming we don't live together), someone who got offended if I didn't reply to his communication immediately or within a certain time period, or someone who sent a lot of "just thinkin about you!" texts, or something like that. Also someone who couldn't do things on his own. Basically, for me it looks like "clinger" if he doesn't have his own life/activities.
I dunno. I don't think I've ever had a problem with a true clinger, so I'm not sure I have experience with this.
Oh one more thing -- I also think that these preferences change a bit as the relationship matures. At first, communicating every day might be way too much. Six months later, it might be really unusual to go a whole day without communicating.
It's a moving target, and I think that's why people often have trouble with it.
I agree with this. When BF and I started dating, we'd see each other pretty frequently at the dance studio that we both go to, but not a huge amount outside of that, and we didn't talk on the phone every day. Our contact slowly grew so that we always would talk on the phone on days that we didn't see each other. And now, well, we see each other every day, and we exchange emails throughout the day. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a lot of contact, but neither of us feels smothered--I'm going out for a girls' night on Friday night, and I think he's having his best friend over for drinks. We both have other activities outside of each other, even though we do spend a lot of time together.
I guess that's a long-winded way of saying that it's subjective--based on personal preferences, time, and all sorts of other variables.
Too me a clinger is someone that doesn't have enough going on in their own life and/or someone who is used to being in a relationship and is therefore really needy. I just usually see it as a bad sign for things to come. Even though all of us ARE truly wonderful and great catches, if someone wants to do nothing else but hang with us all day long or be in constant communication, that's just weird.
I dated a few guys who I would classify as "clingers", here are some characteristics:
texted all day long
wanted to hang out each night and made a date for upcoming weekend but ended up wanting to hang out before that
didn't appear to have any hobbies or interests of their own
didn't seem to have very many friends
one guy texted me a "good morning" text at 6:30am on a Saturday morning and we hadn't even hung out yet, one.single.time
the most recent clinger texted me at 12:30am after our date asking if I could see a future with him. We had only been out ONE time, and that was earlier that night.
I'm with achase. Things like:
...texting in the morning and then again 40 mins later if I don't respond
...saying "I miss you" when I just left your house
...getting upset that I have other things to do
...not having interests of their own to occupy their time
I had one of these....
- texting every few minutes
- saying I miss you, when I just saw you
- only wanting to make plans with me, and getting mad when I had other plans
- asking how I feel about him everyday!
- telling me I'm the only one for him and he will love me forever, after 1 month!
- having no life outside of "us"
- needs me for every decision!
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I agree w/ all of this. My ex-FI was like this and it was exhausting. He sent me over 500 texts a month (Current FI maybe sends 10 a month) that I had to change my cell phone plan to include text messages. He wanted to hang out every day, especially after we first started dating and I felt overwhelmed because I never felt like I had any me time when I was with him.
DILF and I had over 2500 texts in ONE MONTH!!!
Overall to me a clinger is someone who's communication, verbal and nonverbal makes you feel sufficated. No matter the stage or duration of your relationship. If you are happy with being up each other's butts... more power to you! As long as niether of you are controling.
Wow.
I text my sister daily and we haven't even come close to that number total in a year.
Someone who can't go a day without seeing you.
Texting constantly.
Upset/sad when you go out with friends.
Posts about the relationship on FB all the time, tagging you in the posts.
Always saying, I love you and I miss you so much, when you haven't been out of sight all that long.
Moving from one city to another to be able to spend more time with you.
YES! I had a guy text me good morning at 4:45 am because I told him I go to the gym at 5 every day. The crazy part is he lived two time zones behind so I'm guessing he had to set an alarm to get up to text good morning. And we've never hung out. He was someone that I went to jr. high with and added as a fb friend.