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Depressed...
I am very depressed. Or emotional because I'm getting my period. I don't know. I got my meds changed, and I was/am feeling better, but with the recent turn in events, I have hit an all time low. BF's sister passed away unexpectedly this weekend and we took an impromptu trip up to see his family. I met everyone for the first time and I loved them all, but it made me realize that everything is temporary. I am super worried about BF because he's good at playing like nothing is wrong and then snapping and checking himself into the hospital for mental health, so I'm trying to keep an eye over him but I don't want to be too in his business because he has every right to be upset and sad and I don't want to be an overbearing girlfriend. He and I have had some arguments about my co-dependency recently, and I'm trying to take a step back from being so clingy and pushy.
Ah I hate my jobs. I just texted my boss at my PT job today and resigned because I cannot handle working 60+ hours a week anymore. I applied for a better full time job this week too, with hopes that starting something new will give me a boost. I just want to crawl in my bed, lock the door, and not come out for a few days. What can I do to make this better? I need to learn to be more independent and not rely on BF so much for emotional support, but I'm so depressed I don't want to see anyone else. I have been going out of the way to avoid people, family, friends. I'm shutting down and I don't know what to do...
Thanks for listening.
Re: Depressed...
Seriously? I know you are going through a lot but this isn't helping you, your condition, or your goals in life. Are you still in counseling? Being co-dependent on someone on disability with mental health issues so severe that he's checking himself into a hospital is no good. If I were you, I'd move on and work on becoming "whole" again by myself.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I know it would be best, but I can't do it. I love him so much. He's so good to me, guys. I've never had a man treat me with such respect and I adore him. I think I need a break from life, and everything going on. If I could split my life into segments, he would be the best thing in my life at this moment. He makes me laugh so much and I enjoy every second with him, but then again I am co-dependent and that's what co-dependent people say...ugh.
I can't win.
You don't get breaks from life. You know that.
This is bad for you and it's bad for him. If you really love him, leave. It's the best thing for him, too. You're bleeding him dry, and you'll land him in the hospital. Neither one of you is equipped to be in a relationship right now -- least of all with one another. Stop being selfish.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
"I think I need a break from life" This statement indicates that you are depressed, that is your body trying to tell you something. Your BF is ony responsible for him and his action and you are responsible only for you. Trying to change/help him is not going to help you. You can only help yourself.
Nobody gets a break from life. You have to play it through to the end.
I'm sure many people here want to hit the escape button on their life as a result of a situation that they've been in, but you have to realize that YOU are your own escape button. And you need to get out of this situation, pronto. Get help. Talk to a counselor. Let go of your crutch (aka boyfriend). Learn to be a happy person and a whole person without the help of others.
You will never be a fully functional, working part of this relationship or learn to give him 100% unless you give yourself 100% first.
This!
Air, I say this with as much tough love as possible: you need to get your shiit together. Obviously you have the intellectual capacity to know that what you are doing is wrong and you should be making other (read: better) choices. Therefore you are making a conscious choice to continue doing the wrong thing.
You know that it's wrong to be in a relationship and yet you continue because it's just too difficult to break it off. That's how many of us lived in our marriages and let me tell you, THAT never ends well. Break it off.
He's not capable of being in a relationship any more than you are. It's like the blind leading the blind.
Continue therapy and/or get some antidepressants. You have a ton of work that you need to do on yourself before you can even begin to think of being in a healthy relationship.
I think you need to examine why you continue to just complain and be upset about your situation, yet you are clearly not getting into ACTION to change anything. You need to be willing to help yourself and until you are nothing will change.
Ditto everything everyone else said but I wanted to say but i'll add this. I personally am feeling depressed also right now because I just got separated and we're divorcing. With that said, I understand exactly how you feel right now and there is nothing I could imagine would be worse for me then dealing with someone else who isn't mentally stable. I just wouldn't have the energy to worry about anyone else but myself right now. Isn't it exhausting?
I understand the codependency but you really need to take care of yourself if you're feeling this way. Put yourself first, always! You're worth it!
I get the draw of wanting someone by your side so you're not alone but it sounds like neither of you should be in a relationship until you figure your own individual $hit out.
<a href="http://s941.photobucket.com/albums/ad259/laurens1122-bfp/?action=view
"You will remain the same until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change" <---- I think that quote applies to you.
You know you need to make changes in your life but you are unwilling to do it. Your BF cannot save you, yes he makes you laugh and that's fine and dandy but it is a temporary fix to a much deeper problem. You have been given a lot of good advice but it is up to you to take it and fix it.