Starting Over
Audg
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Thanksgiving: what to do? In laws have no clue..
that we are getting divorced...my stbxh has not told them yet. I got a call from my mother-in-law yesterday asking us if we were coming to her house on Thanksgiving (we usually split up the day and do both families). I was like .. uhhhhh, yeah probably at some point. Then I hung up and cried my eyes out. This morning stbx said "I know you don't care, but my mom wants us to go to her house for Thanksgiving".. I said of course I care! And yes I know because I spoke to her yesterday. Then I asked him if he told them that we were getting divorced and he said no. So, I am clueless as to what to do. I know stbx is not very happy about this divorce and is not the type to talk to his family about his personal life. I told my family, but I don't think its my place to tell his family what's going on..especially since I am the one divorcing him. So I aked him.. are you going to tell them?? And his answer was "well, that's not the time or place to do it". Obviously I didn't mean tell them on Thanksgiving. The thing is.. I don't think he will tell them. I am close to one of his brothers (whose like a sister to me.. if you know what I mean).. and feel like I should tell him.. but again, don't want to overstep my boundaries. I am going to feel REALLY uncomfortable around them on Thanksgiving if they don't know OR if they do know .. UGHHHH.. I don't know what to do.. I am so sad! 
Re: Thanksgiving: what to do? In laws have no clue..
Do not go.
Tell him to grow a pair and tell his family because you are not going to pretend your way through Thanksgiving.
Spend Thanksgiving with your family. If his mother calls again tell her to talk to her son about it.
Wow. Talk about being blindsided.
I agree with PP, he needs to grow a pair and inform his family as to what is going on in your relationship.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
This... not your responsibility. I left my ex just about this time last year and I went to visit my family and didn't say a word to his family. That's his job to tell them, not yours.
I am speaking from experience. I went to Thankgiving at my ILs last year, they knew and X was not there but the kids had no idea. The parents did not tell them that their uncle was going to jail OR that we were not together. I did not know this till I got there. It was super uncomfortable and really hard emotionally.
The kids would ask where X was and I had to tell them he was sick (Kinda true, right?). I hate lying. I told the ILs I will not be attending holidays with them anymore.
ETA: wrong holiday!
Word.
This! It's not your job to enable his fear of telling his family by attending Thanksgiving and pretending nothing is wrong.
This exactly.
Well, you're not going there for Tday and pretend things are fine, are you?
When she calls again, say "I'm going to my mom's,and h is going to your house!" and if she asks why you're not coming together, say "I think H should tell you about that; here he is" and hand him the phone.
The first holidays are the worst, especially if the decision to divorce/separate happens close to the holiday season.
XH and I separated in Sept 2010. We agreed that he could take DS on Thanksgiving (2 months post-separation) because his mom had that day off work. I lied to my parents and told them I was going to Thanksgiving with XH, because at this point, no decision to divorce had been made. I stayed at home, by myself, because I couldn't stand the thought of being all happy-go-lucky at Thanksgiving with my family when DS was with XH.
Agree that the first few holidays suck. I also stayed home by myself a few times, telling my family we were going to XH's parents. Now that it's out in the open, everything is finalized, and time has passed, it's much easier.