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Competitiveness in Relationships
Are you and your significant other very competitive with each other? For example, if you work out together or run/bike together, do you always try to beat one another?
I'm an only child, so I guess I missed out on the whole competitive gene. I never had to compete with siblings, and I didn't ever really do the whole team sport thing, so I don't have that innate desire to beat people.
It seems like most guys I date or have dated in the past are SUPER DUPER competitive, and I guess it just sort of turns me off. Especially when they smack talk about how bad they're going to beat me in Battleship, or how this one guy said "I'm gonna get an MBA just so I can say I'm more educated than you" (of course - this was meant as a joke). But you get the point. I just don't like competing, when I think we should just be a team. Is that silly?
Re: Competitiveness in Relationships
No. I think that's weird. You do exactly as well whether your SO does better or worse than you, you know? And if one of you is trying to "win", then that means you're on some level rooting for your SO to "lose", which IMO is not a very loving dynamic.
I do know couples like this. I just think they're f*cked up.
I think competition is healthy to a certain degree. Smack talking about a team that you're rooting for or over a board game is okay and, when said in jest, is fun. Sure you're a team but you're also individuals and it's ok not to be equal in all aspects, as long as those aspects aren't important to the relationship.
Competition about money, who is the better spouse, who can lose more weight, who has more education, etc. is no good though. In those respects, it's not healthy to have a competition.
Some people aren't competitive and that's okay too. I'm not very competitive, but as I've redeveloped my sense of self after my divorce I'm more comfortable being competitive about silly things (i.e. "Bet you a dollar that the baby is dressed up as an octopus and not a dinosaur for Halloween. Ooh, there's 8 legs, pay up!"). In my marriage I was always "wrong" so fun competitions were out of the question.
No we are not competitive against each other, we encourage each other to do well at the things we do because we are each other's top support system. For example, FI and I both run. Sometimes we run together when we want to enjoy exercise, but if we do a race together (that is not for fun) than he does his thing and I do mine. We are separate people trying to achieve our own goals with the support of each other.
I think being competitive could make for a pretty unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Personally, I don?t think I like being in a competitive relationship as well. My marriage was and it was very very draining and abusive because he was always trying to one up me on things that didn?t even matter. I think I want to be in a relationship where someone challenges me to be a better person and I do the same for them. In addition, we are each other?s biggest cheerleader. I was my ex?s biggest cheerleader but he was my biggest competitor. FYI I have three siblings so I don?t believe that your lack of thriving off of competition has anything to do with you being an only child. It may just be that your personality type thrives off of non-competitive relationships.
The BF and I work out everyday together and we run races together. While we are competitive with others in our age group/gender group in our races, we are not competitive with one another. When we running together we help one another throughout the process. He was a much better runner than I was when we first started running together and I was a better swimmer. He helped me while running and I am still helping him on the swimming portion.
When we run 10Ks, we usually stick together and run with each other, there was one time when I had a foot injury and I told him to go ahead as I was slowing him down. He said he felt guilty and I said "no way, do whatcha gotta do!"
When he finished his first triathlon, I told him how proud of him I was and I made sure I told him that he is an amazing athlete. He does the same for me. We support one another throughout the races/work out sessions. During the triathlon, when we passed each other on the course, we would either smile and wave, cheer for one another, or give high fives...
As my friend puts it, "we are competitive, but we share our strengths."
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I think this is kinda stodgy.
There's nothing wrong with a little joking over Scrabble or something, Jesus. Last time The Artist and I played, he beat me for the first time, and he joked about framing the score page. And if something like that hurts your feelings, I think you're taking life -- and yourself -- too seriously.
I think a little lighthearted competition has a place in a healthy relationship.
No. We are both better at different things and that is ok.
We do get competitive when we play board games, but it is all in good fun and we are not over the top.
Thanks for the opinions ladies. I agree that when it gets over the top and harsh words are exchanged, you've gone too far. Lighthearted competition is fun... I just wonder where you draw the line and when one person's feelings gets hurt over something.
You can definitely tell a lot about a person when they lose at something. My ex was SUCH a sore loser, that I didn't ever want to play any game with him. Ever. It was always something I tip toed around since he was so competitive. Very unhealthy. He was a poor sport.
You draw the line when someones feelings get hurt. Friendly competition shouldn't leave either partner with ill feelings.
i think there's nothing wrong with a litttle friendly competition... i.e. i have challenged SO to things like running a 5k. (they say couples who do healthy things together stay together longer, nons?)
we ran a 5k together and i was all "no you are in way better shape, you're totally going to beat me"
and he was all "no YOU are way better runner, you're going to win for sure"
and we battled one upping each other with compliments. *vomiting rainbows*
ok but in like a game of cards or yahtzee its always fun to win. so i am competitive but never mean. its all jovial and in good fun.