Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
sexy lingerie
So I feel really comfortable wearing the tiny lacy silk nighties at night, but husband complains that I don't wear the super sexy stuff corsets/stockings and garter belt, basically the kind of stuff you only wear for having sex. I've bought a ton of this kind of stuff but I don't get how it works so ive never worn it for him. When are you supposed to put it on?? Do you get all dressed up when hes in his man cave one night and just go in and initiate sex? do you wake him up in the morning with the stuff on? it we were bf/gf not living together i'd just put it on before he came over one night, but i just don't see how it works when you're married and living together. I guess too I'm scared that I'll go through all that effort and he won't want to have sex then I'll look like a fool. This has been an issue for me for awhile so I really appreciate any advice 
Re: sexy lingerie
You can wear the garter belt/sexy undies/stockings under a regular outfit (like, with a skirt, so all he can see is that you're wearing some kind of tights or stockings) during the day, and then surprise him with what you're wearing underneath when he gets home or whenever (he'd probably love it if you came into his "man cave" to initiate, but even then you might feel more comfortable if you're wearing clothes or a trench coat or something over the lingerie, and he'll see the sexy stuff underneath when you start to strip).
Corsets are trickier; I've never tried them. I guess you'd have to have him help you put one on, only to have him take it off a little while later?
Most corsets have the same hook and eye ordeal as bras do. They'll lace up the back, but you can usually just hook them together in the front.
As far as getting the stuff on without him knowing, sometimes I'll throw something slightly less sexy on top of it. I like to layer lingerie under a costume of some kind. Usually, this can be done quickly while he's in the bathroom or something. Sure, you're already wearing a sexy costume which will surprise him enough, but once you take it off there's an even better surprise underneath.
What's sexy about having sex while you're clothed? Corsets, stockings and garter belts? Really? Does he by any chance have a 1980s porn mag collection?
Do you get to make the same kind of ridiculous clothing demands? You should insist that he put on a man thong to stimulate you.
I love the garter/stockings under skirt idea! Thanks yall! And yes corsets are tricky I'm glad im not the only one who thinks so!
It does bug me that he seems to have such high standards. He doesn't even shower every day and never works out and i work out tons and genuinely try to look cute for him as much as possible, but he doesn't seem to notice. I think he takes advantage of the fact that he's the only guy I've had had sex with by acting like I'm a subpar wife cause I dont dress up like a stripper and f*ck like a porn star :-/
This makes your husband sound kind of jerky, to be honest. Wearing lingerie won't "fix" these problems. Have you tried talking to him about how you're feeling? It's not right for him to have high standards for you and expect you to dress a certain way, especially if he doesn't put forth any effort himself.
No, no, no, NO! Your SO should be the first person to build you up when you feel down!
Let me tell you a story. This past weekend, BF and I had just finished dinner together at his house. I told him to wait there, went to the bedroom, and put on a sexy nurse costume that I had bought. I came out of the bedroom and said something to the effect of "Well, it was made for someone with bigger boobs and smaller thighs than me!" because the costume didn't fit particularly well. BF immediately told me how hot and sexy I looked. THAT'S how it's supposed to work. Granted, I generally have a good self-image and don't go fishing for compliments or reassurance, but still...your SO should be your biggest supporter! This guy does not sound capable of being a loving, supportive H.
I'm seeing red flags here... this is NOT a healthy or good way to be treated. He should NOT be putting you down or comparing you to other women. He says negative things about how you look when you go through the trouble of dressing up sexy for him? Really, that's terrible. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
QFT. Kat, your H is a jerk who does not deserve you. End of story.