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A poll, a WWAND, oh and I'm currently irate!
DS1 came home from day care today with a giant bite on his little face. This is not the first time. I'm pissed. Had I not asked at the car, "uh, is that a bite on his face?", she wouldn't have told me. In an attempt to unscrew me from the ceiling, DH asked how often other kids got bit at day care. So: [Poll]
My answer: every other day someone comes home with a major bite.
Now the WWAND part: I've always planned to move them to a center at 18 months. Well, after the history of biting (and lying/not telling me about it), I'm pissed enough to want to do it TOMORROW.
Unfortunately, my planned place doesn't take them until 18 months. That's seven weeks from now. My choices:
1. Take them to their day care for the next seven weeks. Aside from the biting and other sleep issues, I don't think they're unsafe there. I'm mostly just fired up tonight since I can see the giant bite mark on his smiley face looking right at me.
2. Take them to my 2nd choice day care for the next 7 weeks but move them AGAIN when they turn 18 months to the top place. I know they have each other, but I'd prefer not to move them twice
3. Take them to the 2nd choice now and leave them there. Not really a choice we can afford.
What to do, what to do? TIA!
Re: A poll, a WWAND, oh and I'm currently irate!
At that age, it is a common way for toddlers to deal with communication frustrations. It SUCCCCCKS to be the parent of the kid that gets bitten and corrective action obviously has to be taken at daycare and at home to redirect the kid doing the biting but, sadly, it happens fairly often.
Peyton was the biting victim a LOT around 15-24 months. The sad thing is one kid had a HUGE biting problem. One day she had a bite inside of a bite on her arm...I talked to the daycare center director, they kept a close eye on it and it was remedied.
I had a hard time with it, it sucks to see that happen to your kid---big time. But, depending on the age of the biter, it is a normal "phase" or response and they will outgrow it (again, it obviously has to be nipped in the bud from the getgo).
That being said, DCP should have prepared you for a bite on the face (or a bite in general) and not essentially blown it off until you mentioned it. In every case where my kids have been bitten, I have gotten a written record of at when I arrived at daycare (if not called at work just to give me the heads up).
Poor kiddo!
Edit:
I didn't see your WWAND...
We had serious issues with our last daycare and it SUCKS to stay somewhere you aren't comfortable (remember my psycho DCP and Mara tearing her frenulum at her house?) We chose to get out asap (although it was a few weeks before the new place was ready for three kids). I just kept a close eye on the situation while they were still there and, knowing they were "safe", counted down the days until they left. We did some daycare jumping with serious safety concerns at one point and I hate moving the girls (at that point just Peyton) from place to place as it is quite an adjustment....in that regard, if you think they are safe there for the time being, I would move them to the center at 18 months without a transition place in the meantime... BUT, if you worry for their safety, obviously move them now.
Hang in there mama!
I don't know that moving them is going to solve the issue. I worked at a center here in Omaha for about 2 years in high school and beginning of college, and someone got bit every.single.day. They are quick little suckers. The place I worked at finally told one girl's mom that she needed to go somewhere else because she would bite several kids a day.
Sorry, I hope it gets better!
Your response is the same response every mom has--it's totally normal! I had myself a good cry and freak out when we had biting issues at daycare.
Being a parent is hard...and daycare is by far one of the biggest stressors in my mind!!
I completely understand how you feel. My son is at a center and has a biter in his class. Fortunately G is pretty talkative now so he's able to tell me what happened. I swear though every night he just randomly says "no biting xxxx" with that kids name said. He must hear the teachers tell that child no biting 100 times a day.
It's frustrating but as long as it doesn't turn into G being a biter and doesn't get out of hand I don't think there's much I can do. Just hope its a phase that passes quickly.
It super sucks! I was lucky enough that my kid was never the biter, but he was on the receiving end quite a bit. The super sucky thing was that it was a friends kid that was the biter and she was so upset by it that she would call me 2 or 3x a week and tell me how sorry she was. Not her fault, he didn't bite at home.
Anyway...is there anyway that you and DH can work a modified schedule for a few weeks? With the help of family maybe you can pull them out of that daycare and move them into the center in 7 weeks?
I would NOT move them 2x. Change is really tough on them at this age. They have tons of communication issues which causes HUGE frustration on their part. It can cause major issues in their sleep, verbal skils and everything else. Granted....they bounce back fairly quickly from just about anything.
Good luck! I have had my fair share of parenting breakdowns lately...ugly cry.
How many kids are there per daycare teacher?
Biting is not uncommon at that age at all. My oldest was often the biter. There was a lot of biting in that room. My youngest has been biten one time and it seems to not be a biting group.
I wouldn't switch them for 7 weeks then switch again. I would try to switch the least amount as possible. If you are worried about safety then that is another topic.
As a teacher of one-year olds, I can say that the biting phase sucks. However, the fact that your DCP was pretty much not going to say anything to you would piss me off. Even though it's a phase, biting does need to be taken seriously, esp. if it's on the face, and esp. if it's happened to your child(ren) on multiple occasions.
That being said, I would not move your kiddos twice in 7 weeks. That is a lot of change for kids their age to take.
I would have a little come to Jesus meeting with your DCP and ask her what her plan of action is. Even though the biting phase sucks, there are steps she can take to prevent biting. What are the child's triggers? Do they bite when they are angry/frustrated? Excited? Is the biting unprovoked? When I have a biter in my classroom, my coteacher and I are on that child like white on rice. One of us always has our eye on them and are watching for situations that could potentially lead into a biting situation. If I am alone in my room, the child comes with me so I can keep an eye on them. So if I have to, say, change a diaper, I take the child with me and a have them bring a toy or book and sit close to me until I can be next to them. Is it convenient or ideal? No. But you can't isolate biters completely. They won't learn proper behavior around their friends if they're not exposed to interacting with them. And sure, even when you are keeping tabs on them like crazy, things still happen and bites can still occur. But there are steps you can take to try to manage the situation. I think as a parent you have the right to know how she plans on handling the situation from now on.
Good luck!
I think you'd be hard pressed to find a mom with a kid in daycare who hasn't had to deal with biting. DS1 was the bitee at that age. He was in a daycare with 2 boys his exact age and he took the brunt of it. Now DS2 is a biter. It sucks to be bitten, but I can tell you it sucks worse to be the mom of a biter. The shame and guilt! So all I'm saying is that it's normal. But your dcp not giving you a heads up, or explaining the situation is pretty wrong. Is she usually like that, or is this a one time thing? I wouldn't move them twice for sure, just wait it out. Keep the door open though, the grass might not be greener over at the new sparkly place. I'm just sayin'.
Ps. I'm pretty sure I saw you at target tonight. I was leaving and you were going to customer service. I did a double take when I saw your kiddos and it just occurred to me now it was you. Creepy, huh?
thanks to jennied
I think it's totally warranted to be upset to know that your child was hurt and your DCP didn't act like she'd tell you. At school we make calls home about anything on their face (because it's so obvious and can really be a shocker if you're not expecting it) and because parents need to know that their child was taken care of and that the situation was dealt with.
I'd probably go about it in a "what can I do to help so he doesn't get bitten?" I feel like it gets the point across that you want something to be done but there's clearly not much you can do. It's a slightly nicer way to say, "seriously. Can you try to not let my kid get eaten at daycare?"
I wouldn't move them twice in 7 weeks. That's just too stressful. While I do think that a child who is being bitten isn't "safe," he's fed and happy otherwise. I know that's an awfully weak argument, but I think it's in their best interest limit the transitions. That's what I would do. You kind of have to cool off for a couple of days then do what your gut says.
Being a mom is totally hard.
1. Seeing your kid with a bite mark on his face would make anyone go all Tiger Mother, you are totally reasonable in this.
2. I agree with everyone else, unfortunately at this age biting is common b/c they have such limited ways to express themselves/their emotions.
3. However, that does not mean your kid deserves to be a chew toy. I think Nancy put it well, I would definitely approach this with your DCP.
4. Wouldn't move twice for this.
If it's any help... my kid was bitten 2x in 2 days, and my husband called me the 2nd day after we left, saying, "Why is daycare calling me & telling me you said Jack would not be back tomorrow?!" I may have overreacted.
Being a Mom is way hard. Hang in.
Anyway, thanks ladies. You've made me feel much better. The day care in an in-home with my lady and her mom. They have 12 kids, but her mom isn't there first thing in the morning or during pick-up. It can get a little crazy. Also, DS1's biggest biting trigger is being tired. (The napping situation is another huge issue...)
I've talked to her about it before, and the lack of communication is most of what makes me angry. Here was Friday:
Me: Oh wow, DS1 has some pretty big bites on his legs.
DCP: Hmm, he was only with his brother today.
Me: This isn't DS2. DS2 only has 6 teeth. This is 8. Also, DS2 has the exact same bites, so it's likely the same biter.
DCP: Yeah, well, everyone has been biting everyone. DS1 is in on the biting too.
Gaaaah, I can count teeth! I'm not stupid.
*Deep breath*
This kind of bugs me. It's like a kid who gets in trouble and says, "he did it too." Ummm... not the point. The question is, "What are you doing to help stop it or prevent it from happening?" It feels like she didn't even realize it. Was she not around when the kid starting crying? I've been bitten. I cry. A kid certainly would too! If 12 is too many to handle (I agree, that's a handful for even the best daycare providers), then there needs to be help there 100% of the time.
As a parent I guess I would hope that if my kid were biting that the adult in charge would help him to see that biting is not ok. Whether that's timeout, firm talking to, hugs to the victim, all of the above, etc/WHATEVER! I want to know that my kid understands that's not ok, especially if he had a brother he's going to be around too. We don't need brothers biting each other because nobody told them to stop. That's just not fair. Would you be comfortable saying something like, "we're concerned about his biting and while we know it's not uncommon, we really don't want him biting. We've been doing x, y, and z at home when he bites so he knows it's not ok. We'd do the same for our other son if needed too." Maybe she just doesn't know what to do? I don't know. It seems odd that it's almost being brushed aside. That *** hurts. Help these babies see it's not ok!
Big hugs to you. I feel really bad that your baby has a bite on his cheek. Owen had a huge bite in the middle of his back at the end of last year. He was annoying a kid who had very very limited language and couldn't tell him to knockitthefuckoff so he bit Owen. I felt bad for Owen, but at the same time, he quit bugging that kid.
Good luck. But I still think that moving them twice would cause too much stress.
I would keep them in the daycare they are at for 7 weeks then switch to the center.
In the meantime I would talk to the DCP about the biting. I know that DCP can't catch every little thing, but she should know who is doing the biting and be able to redirect or seperate the biter if it's happened multiple times or usually, as in my daycare, someone tattles on the biter.
E was a biter, but she bit me mostly and it was a tired/communication thing. It's tough. I felt embarassed when she got a daycare kid. With a little work we were able to curb her biting and she outgrew it.
Honestly, not a big deal IMO. It's a common stage for kids to go through and yes it pisses you off, and I've been there, but it wasn't worth me getting all fired up about it. There's really nothing DCP can do other then tell the parents of the kid that is biting that he/she is doing it...not like she can slap their faces for it.
I'd find bite marks all the time on the boys from one kid in particular and half the time DCP didn't even know about it because the boys never complained or weren't at the age where they could tell her what had happened if it made them cry. I would just tell her the next day and she always knew who it was.
And then they started biting back, so now my kid was the biter and went through that stage. It just happens.
They are probably going to get bitten x 10 at a center. More kids, more bites.
It's going to happen at both places.
So not sure how to answer your question...it depended on their age/age of the biter at the time...some times it was daily for awhile, then once in a blue moon, then never once that kid got older, but then another little 'baby' much younger then them would start biting everyone.
Keep them there for the next 7wks and teach them to bite back. Ok, I kid, but that's how kids "deal" at that age. More than likely, some other kid will be on the receiving end of one your boys bites at one point or another.
I know that's not what you really want to hear, but if you don't feel that they are unsafe there (other than the biting), I would just stick out your original plan.
photos by jennied photography
Alissa Jean
9.10.2004
This has not been my experience... between both my boys I have had a kid/kids at a center for 7 years & in all that time one of them was bitten, those 2 times I mentioned.
I also think her kid/provider ratio seems high, I know they don't have that many kids in our daycare room & they have two teachers literally every minute - they have floaters for bathroom/lunch breaks even.
I feel like your DCP isn't taking it very seriously, Haven1. I agree with shannie, it does happen, but that doesn't mean it isn't a big deal. Agreed with Nancy, kids don't deserve to be bitten. We/DCP should do what we can to prevent it & deal with it.
FWIW, I wouldn't give 3 wks notice to any child care provider. I would give them notice on the last day that we wouldn't be coming back & then pay them for as many weeks as I was supposed to give notice. I don't want any bad blood or whatever with someone who's watching my kid.
Okay, the issue here is NOT the fact that he's being bitten (as other say, it happens). The issue is your DCP not telling you/lying about it. Can you clarify what you mean by "lying" about it?
That would put me OVER THE EDGE.
Oh, I forgot to say I didnt read any of the responses. My bad!
What is it that you like about this lady? Is it enough for 7 more weeks? She just sounds soooo.... "oh, whatever!" (insert hair flip)
Oh man, biting is HARD! It's a tough phase!!!
I would be mad that the DCP wasn't going to tell you about it until you inquired. We've always gotten written reports about any "mark" that the kiddos have had...and that they may have given others!
I had "The Biter" when DS was this age. I hated having to be the one to pick up at night only to find out that DS had biten. It was horrible. Now, DD has been bit a few times, and sitting on this side of the fence is a lot easier than being the mom of the biter. I walked into daycare one day when B was 18 months old only to hear the mother of the kid that B had bit that day talking to the director about how horrible it is that it is going on, how it MUST BE STOPPED and that "That biter" should be kicked out. Wow, lady, maybe take that convo into the office, not the front desk. I felt like I was an inch tall!
Anyway, I looked around for a new place for fear that DS was going to be kicked out. I would try not to move them 2 times. If you feel they're safe there, then I'd probably leave them. Transitions can be tough anyway, and two in a couple months wouldn't be ideal. However, if you feel they're NOT safe, then by all means -- move 'em out!
I wish you the best -- parenting IS hard!!
Happily Married Since 11.29.02
Brayden Kenneth born 3.27.06
Blaire Kay born 7.10.10
I totally agree that you have every right to be pissed that she lied to you, or at least, wasn't going to tell you. She doesn't get the right to decide what info is important or not when it comes to your kid. I would stress that over and over w/ her over the next 7wks and then move them.
Oh and I didn't vote because I don't remember how many times she got bit
photos by jennied photography
Alissa Jean
9.10.2004