Need advice

mickylvr1 · November 2011

My girlfriend who lost her mom earlier this year is really struggling with the holidays. I kinda feel like a bad friend since we haven't hung out much recently, but I am trying to help her in the difficult month(s) ahead. Our BFF and I want to do something nice for her. Anyone have any ideas/suggestions?

allioops414 · November 2011

I guess the hardest thing about not having a loved one around for the holidays is missing out on the things you used to enjoy doing together. I think just making some time to do something that her and her mom used to enjoy doing together, might make her form some new happy memories of the holidays. For instance, decorating the tree or the house, going shopping, seeing a show, baking cookies, etc. It never hurts to just come out and ask her what she wants to do. That's very thoughtful of you

festivegal2008 · November 2011

I can relate. Not only is this going to be the first Thanksgiving without my dad, but the day before will be 9 months since his passing and Black Friday is his birthday. I'm glad my sister & brother in law will be down so my mom won't be at the house by herself at all.

As for your friend, how about spending a full day together - perhaps a day of lunch, shopping and dinner? Or maybe an open house type event at your (or another friend's) house with dinner, drinks and snacks and maybe playing a game or decorating the tree? Maybe a mani/pedi or facial/massage day?

The holidays are definitely all about caring and sharing and spending time with loved ones so it's nice of you to think of things to do with her since this is going to be a big change for her.
This is a bit of a different scenario here, but my friend that's going through the divorce has NO family in Michigan. A few aunts, uncles and cousins but nobody that she's really close to. Her STBXH will have the kids on Thanksgiving so I'm making her come to my mom's house to have it with us. I told her she's not allowed to be by herself for dinner that day. Then she and I will go shopping on black Friday with all the other crazies. And, even though we agreed we'd only buy for the girls, I am going to get her a nice gift as well. She deserves to open something on Christmas and since most people only buy for the kids and I doubt her STBX or his family will get her anything, I am going to take it upon myself to make sure she has something to unwrap this year. I'm not going to tell her, either; I think I will slip it under the tree with the girls' stuff.

Lisa6255 · November 2011

I can relate remembering the first Christmas without my mom, and how it totally felt weird. I fortunately had my dad, grandma and brothers and SIL and nephew, we went to my brother & SIL's for Christmas which probably was ok to not be at home that year.

I really enjoy making stuff my mom made, maybe you could ask her if she'd like to make something in her mom's honor together and have a "pre holiday" meal together with some of her favorites! Food my mom made always gives me the warm fuzzy. Is there any other holiday stuff she enjoyed doing that you could do with her? Did she do any special traditions with her mom that you could help her continue?

That's so nice of you to try to help your friend feel better, I'm sure she really will appreciate your thought and caring. Just totally be there for her, let her cry it out too if she needs it.

courtniko · November 2011

I am thinking that either following a tradition with her that she used to do with her mom could be sweet, but that could also be really hard on her, so I would let her decide on that one. You could also start some new very Christmassy tradition with her that would not remind her of her mom, like going to a Christmas village, or tree lighting, going to see the Nutcracker. Something like that. Or even just taking her Christmas shopping. I would certainly throw out a few things to her and let her decide what she wants to do.

friendlyturner · November 2011

Stop by with a bottle of wine and an open heart and ears...I'm sure she needs all the girl time she can get right now.

Marick · November 2011

You are such a sweetie, she is so lucky to have friends like you! I think the idea of having her over to do Christmas activities with you would be good so she doesn't feel so alone on such a familiar holiday. I also like the idea of wine

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