Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Starting to think I'm crazy...
Birds of a feather flock together, right?
I'm starting to think that I must be crazy to attract such nut cases. DILF sent me a scathing email today about how I'm a terrible person even though I thought I did the mature thing and broke things off before we got serious--both for him (because he wanted a serious relationship) and for his kids (he had already told them about me and wanted me to meet them). Why do I attract emotionally immature douchebags?
Please tell me I need my douche radar tuned up and that it's not because crazy attracts crazy.
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Re: Starting to think I'm crazy...
Hey girl, I've been there (hence the trainwreck nickname). I personally just think we learn something from everyone we date. I think of this guy I dated a little over a year ago and literally shudder at the thought of him. He's not someone I would ever consider dating again. And he turned out to have huge anger management issues and yelled at me at my high school reunion in front of my former classmates. Talk about embarassing.
Anyways, I have been alone for a long time now, and it does seem to help with the douche radar. You get a sort of sense for people when something seems "off".
Don't beat yourself up over the DILF guy. You did do the right thing and whatever he's doing now as a reaction is his issue and not yours. I would block him in any way possible because you don't need that in your life. Talk about toxic.
Well the good news is that the amount of time you are lasting in a relationship with the d-bags is shorter and shorter, right? It appears that you're asking yourself all the right questions and evaluating your relationships instead of hanging onto these men. You will eventually get to the point where you just don't go on more dates with them, have faith.
I went through the same thing, it takes a lot of steps to get on a healthy path and it appears that you are in the right direction.
I'm right there with you...Both of the guys I've dated since XH have been kinda crazy. FWIW, I was talking to a couple ladies the other day about this and the first thing both of them said was "you slept with them too soon." Although every relationship and person is different, I'm starting to think there really may be something to that. Not saying what you are doing is wrong, but it might be something to consider.
ETA: I guess that doesn't help if you really are just looking for something casual though...
Yeah, well I thought I wanted something more serious than I did and I quickly realized it. I did wait a month to sleep with him though, which, although I know isn't forever, was long enough for me to think that he wasn't nuts. He seemed so emotionally stable at the time, although in hindsight there were red flags, big ones, that I ignored.
DogLove is right--at least I'm spending less and less time on the d-bags. Thanks for the perspective!
Were you the first woman he dated after his divorce? Just to play devils advocate, maybe he just wasn't ready to date and it is just a temporary insanity.
I am sorry he keeps writing these emails. It is hard enough to do the right thing without someone trying to make you feel worse.
Sounds like he needs counseling! Of course if you suggest that you are a big meanie face...
No, in fact the first woman he dated after his divorce he got engaged to and later broke it off. Yeah...
Just out of curiousity, what were some of the other red flags that you have seen in hindsight?
He told me he was falling in love with me, the "I miss you" texts and other Stage 5 Clingerisms, his bad relationship with his family (doesn't speak to father or brother), bragged that he told his XW "See You Next Tuesday" until her boyfriend told her what it meant, and was involved in a trespassing charge for a dispute with his neighbor.
Also, I think he lied to me about smoking cigarettes...funny that walking the dog alone would render one to come back with nicotine smelling fingers and smoky breath. He denied it and I never found any cigarettes.
LOL I think this may be one!
I'm wondering the same thing... and I would think waiting a month to have sex was a long enough time to get to sniff out the crazy, but if you ignored red flags, then that would explain a lot.
Yeah, well I could kind of understand cursing at the XW and the brother was a douche for what he did to him (although it was probably justified by douchy behavior from DILF).
The trespassing charge was cringe worthy but neighbor is BSC and apparently has a record for assault with a motor vehicle and brought charges against half the neighborhood for trespassing.
He didn't tell me he was falling in love with me until after we slept together...
The flags are redder when they're held together in retrospect but I was never looking for a long term relationship out of it so I guess I did ignore a lot of things knowing that I wasn't in it for the long haul.
Darn...I know that I was WAY guilty of that one when they told me that
. At least you are learning and spending less and less time on these crazies 