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Problem friends... WWYD?
We have some very close friends (DH's long-time friend and his wife) who we meet quite often. I like both of them a lot.
Problem #1: They have out-of-control children. This means that they can't go to restaurants (well, they can, but end up having to leave after half an hour), they can't really come over (same thing, they do but the kids start hitting each other after about 10 minutes, so their stays are short), and they can't get anyone to watch the kids.
Problem #2: Because of the kids, we usually end up at their house, usually for dinner. They eat dinner around 12:30, as in after midnight. The problem is that I just can't do it anymore. My digestion simply can't take a full and heavy meal that late. We've tried to steer the timing by DH telling them he has to work or fly out the next day, but it hasn't worked. I've learned not to have a cocktail when we arrive because I will definitely be sick, and I try to eat before we go, but it's still many hours til dinner and it's rude not to eat when it's served.
Any suggestions on mitigating the stomach upsets while keeping the friendship?
Re: Problem friends... WWYD?
They eat dinner after midnight? That's crazy. The only time I eat that late is ... well, when we're out and we get hungry on the way home.
Maybe see if they'd be up to like a cocktail hour thing? Instead of doing a full dinner, how about appetizers and drinks when you get there? That way, if they want to eat dinner later, they can and you and your H can fill up on appetizers.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
seriously, who eats dinner that late? I can't stay up that late to save my life!! LOL And to ask others to eat that late is kinda rude IMO - it's just not normal. I'm guessing their kids are in bed at this time, does this mean they never eat dinner as a family?
I guess I have no real advice for your question other then to pick at what you are served and be honest about it not sitting well with you to eat so much so late. Maybe they will get the hint that this arrangement of getting together needs to be re-worked to suit all of you. If you don't voice this they will keep thinking it is fine with you and see nothing wrong/odd of it.
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
There are a few families in our extended circle who eat that late, but this one is the only one we're close enough to that we're at their home frequently. And actually, the kids are still up at 12:30, although they often get their dinner earlier, like at 11:00! One of my relatives suggested that's the reason they are so difficult! DH and I normally go to bed around midnight, but I guess these people are used to late nights. BTW, we eat when DH gets home from work, which is usually around 8:00, and they comment that it's absurdly early!
But yeah, we have to do something so this doesn't go on forever.
It's quite possible they are opposed to a babysitter... a number of DH's friends are. They actually brought the kids (uninvited) to our wedding after both DH and I had several conversations with them about it. They just said, "oh, no one will watch them," and "we take them everywhere." We don't even mind if they bring the kids to a restaurant with us, but they can't seem to manage. Everything in their town closes by 10:00, so if we could get them into a local restaurant we could eat dinner at a semi-decent time!
Well, lol, there is always the option to invite them to a non kid friendly place. How are the wings at the local strip joint
DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
how old are their kids? I'm far from an expert but if they have any kind of school they might have to attend I can't imagine such a late dinner / bedtime would be helping any of their behavioral issues. kids need their sleep!
and I like the strip joint idea
The kids are 4 and 7! And yes, I'm sure their crazy schedule contributes to their issues.
LOL! The strip club idea is hilarious! When the husband goes to strip clubs with DH he doesn't tell his wife... not because she doesn't want him to go, but because she wants to go with them but can't get a babysitter!
But does that solve the timing problem? Aren't strip clubs open super late?
Wow, I'd have to agree that eating dinner that late may be one of several reasons the kids are a little... unruly. I would personally be a mess if that were my schedule! Now, my mom works evening shifts and she will often get home around midnight. If I have nothing else going on with my life (not the norm right now), I will sit up with her, eat a snack or have a glass of wine. But yeah, children usually turn into gremlins around 7pm.
It sounds like maybe this is a family that values doing almost *everything* together, regardless of age. Tough situation. I'd say eat TONS of protein throughout the day. There are some meals (like omelets stuffed with sausage and cheese) that will make even my high-metabolism-always-hungry self want to only eat snacks for the rest of the day. I don't know what else to suggest because kids really do change things and affect friendships. Sometimes, the friendship has to take a break in certain seasons.
Soooo...
This past weekend we were at their place again. This time there were other people besides us. Dinner was served at... 1:00 am!!!
DH was seriously cranky by 11:00, and kept asking me when we would eat, as if I'm the one holding things up! I actually ate the kids' dinner when they were served at 10:30 (there were a bunch of kids and they ate the same food, just earlier, not that I took their dinner) and I ate a power bar on our way there around 7:00.
But it made me think that if/when we have kids this is absolutely out of the question. Not only is it an insane schedule for kids, but all the adults were drinking and smoking from 7:00 until 1:00, and I don't think that's where I'd want to take kids!