Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Didn't remember an anniversary
Ok, so I forgot that my dad and stepmom's 15-year-wedding anniversary was yesterday. I know the month, I am just bad at tracking these types of things especially because I have been living far from my family and don't get to talk to them often and there's not really a FB status update thing for anniversaries (darn you FB!! j/k.
He's apparently super ticked off and she's using it as a way not to go to Thanksgiving - I don't get that, as no one from my family will even be there. Anniversaries aren't like birthdays, ya know? Or am I a total jerk? I am tired of dealing with over-sensitivity.
Re: Didn't remember an anniversary
I think it's nice to send a card or make a short call to parents/siblings for a wedding anniversary, but I also think your dad and step-mom are absolutely insane for holding a grudge against you for this and boycotting Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't bend over backward to apologize to him, but I might give him a call and say, "Hey, I'm sorry I forgot the date of your anniversary. You know me and my lousy memory. I always knew it was November, but I'll be sure to put the exact date into my phone/Outlook so I remember from now on." If he's mad beyond that, then that's his own problem, not yours. Just say, "Sorry you feel that way. I didn't do it to hurt you and I had no idea that me acknowledging your anniversary would mean so much to you. We'll miss you at Thanksgiving. Call me if you want to get together for Christmas." And then leave it at that.
Are they usually a pair of drama queens? Do you think they're using this as an attempt to get you to get you to beg them to come to Thanksgiving? Would they still have been pissed if you just called or sent an e-mail/FB message on their anniversary, and didn't send a card or a gift or flowers?
Do you have a habit of forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, important events? Is there a chance that they're fed up with it? I don't think it's a crime to forget dates as long as you're otherwise kind to someone, but maybe they feel like you don't care.
Umm, anniversaries are for the couple - it?s not a family national holiday. Out of the 15 or so years I've been married I think we have only celebrated ours once. If your dad and step-mom think that refusing to do Tday with you is a big punishment then I'd just reply something along the lines of "OK, whatever, have fun".
I agree with Wine Enthusiast too--if they say they aren't coming to Thanksgiving, don't try to convince them to come, don't say anything except "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you enjoy your holiday"
They are being ridiculous.
seriously? I'm lucky if I remember mine. I told people this weekend we had been married 2.5 years. H had to correct me that it had been 3.5.
Its ridiculous that someone else expects you to remember their anniversary. How self obsessed are they?
Yeah, that's pretty extreme.
I wouldn't bother apologizing anymore or begging them to change their minds and come to Thanksgiving.
"Okay. Thanks for letting us know - have a great holiday."
Done, and done.
"We'll miss you".
They are serious drama llamas.
I would also add that this is pretty sexist. If you have a brother, I'm willing to bet that they don't expect him to remember their anniversary.
That's one thing I like about being a guy. I am allowed to tell people that I care very much about them and I care about their marriage. I just don't give a shyte about their anniversary. imho, women are treated very unfairly in this area.
Agreed.
^^^what she said...
I got a similar reaction over missing Grandparents' Day last year...my daughter was 10 and we've never celebrated it before. It was also two weeks after we moved across the country...a little on the busy side for semi-sorta-kinda holidays. My brother's new wife was all over it with my niece, who was 8 and had never celebrated it before, either. My SIL gets unusually excited over every single holiday on the calendar...like, jump up and down excited. It's comical. So apparently, I was a jerky mom all of a sudden. Our fam was always laid-back, not celebrating adult birthdays, anniversaries and such, so GP's Day was definitely not on the radar. I didn't even know it was a holiday till my dad's email rant. This being the same guy who has never once wished me a Happy Mother's Day. Silliness.
People can be oddly sensitive. It's their problem, not yours.