Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Personal... and maybe a little TMI....
When I was about 8 or 9 my brother molested me several times (3), and when my parents found out they said that it wasn't my fault and that I didn't do anything wrong. Well, now that I am married and sex for me is very painful, it hurts at the begining, middle, and end, it feels like I am ripping inside somewhere and it burns, because sex is so uncomfortable for me, me and my husband don't have it very often and when we do it isn't very enjoyable for either partner.
I wrote this to see if anyone had any advice for me, to help with these issues.
Thank you in advance!
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Re: Personal... and maybe a little TMI....
Another good idea: counseling for the other issue you have.
Try there; I believe they are usually low cost in nature.
june is a long way away. Is there any way you can try to get to a counselor about the molestation stat? Also this sounds a lot like vaginismus (likely caused by the molestation also)
Have you tried (giving and receiving) oral?
Don't dismiss the importance of your sex life.
Good luck!
Planned parenthood doesn't have an age limit and usually will let you pay a reduced rate out of pocket for a female exam. A lot of their offices have doctors in 1-2 days a week to help with female health issues. If you call around you can hopefully get an affordable appointment much quicker than June.
One side note, if this is a new problem there is the possibility that you did rip a little on one occasion and continued sexual activity is preventing you from healing. This has happened to both myself and a close friend. The doctors recommended us to both abstain from sex for a month (I know... kind of a while) and then ease back into it slowly with lots of lube. We both recovered fine and sex doesn't hurt anymore.
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Why do you have to wait for the insurance window to open up? In my experience in 3 different states, getting married is considered a qualifying event which means that as soon as the marriage is legal (ie you have a copy of the marriage license), you can get on his insurance. Have you specifically checked into this with the insurance company directly?
Also, I can sympathize with your situation as my husband and I deal with it too . PM me if you ever want to talk.
Ditto the PP. Most insurance policies allow you to join your spouses insurance upon marriage. You shouldn't have to wait until the next open enrollment. Check out Planned Parenthood or your county clinic if you can't get on his insurance. Please see someone for counseling on your abuse issues as well.
Also, you've been married since June and you've never received oral?? I'm guessing this is a big part of your problem. Does your H stimulate you in other ways to get you ready for sex? Do you have enough foreplay?
I'm so sorry. Have you looked into sexual assault counseling? There are free support groups in so many cities and towns, tons of books you can find and information on the internet. Many women who have been raped feel physical pain while having sex because of the emotional trauma they are still experiencing. Many survivors have PTSD as a result. Good luck and maybe these will help?
http://www.rainn.org/
http://www.pandys.org/
I would agree with getting a physical work up but also definitely check into counseling. Does your husband know about your history?
I'd check out aftersilence.org - it's great!
Hope things get better!
Marriage is a life changing/ qualifying event and you can be added asap in order to get the treatment you need. Just have your DH get the forms with HR. It falls in the same category as childbirth- so there is no reason for you to continue suffering until next June...