Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Being friends with an ex
Gault being friends with LDG made me wonder about this. No offense to gualt, but, why?
I know sometimes people are friends with their exes, and in some cases I can understand. But not right after you break up. It seems you would need some time apart.
Also, why the need to try to be friends with them?
I know everyone's different, it just seems like it causes unncessary pain.
Anybody here friends with an ex? Do you guys hang out or just text/email/facebook?
Re: Being friends with an ex
I'm a fall-hard kind of person, serial monogamist I think they call them, and I would have a hard time being "just friends" with someone I shared such intimate experiences with (physical and emotional).
I'm not saying it isn't possible, it's just not something I would be able to do.
I am friends with my high school sweetheart, we will text or email each other a few times a year, but that's the extent of it.
We wouldn't hang out or have double dates or anything.
We broke up years ago and he was a big part of my life and he's a good person so it's nice to keep in touch.
I agree with you that there needs to be some sort of cooling off period.
I honestly don't know if it is entirely possible to be friends with an ex. Friendly, yes, but real true friends, I don't know.
Most exes I would say hi to if I ran into them, but I don't seek them out. I am FB friends with a couple, but we don't necessarily communicate directly. I haven't done any of the requesting, but I accepted their requests. I like knowing where they ended up because they are people that I have cared about. That's the extent of it.
Yeah, my ex and I are friendly, but I wouldn't consider us true friends.
At minimum, you need some distance before you can move on to friendship, especially in a situation where you really didn't want to break up and the other party clearly feels there was no need for the split.
You can't be friends with someone who would get back together with you.
Click me, click me!
I tried to be friends with my HS BF after we broke up, but it just didn't work. We got sucked into the break-up/make-up vortex. Neither one of us could move on. We were friendly if we ran into each other on campus, but we certainly weren't friends. I'm not even FB friends with exes.
As for XH...do you even need to ask?
LDG is the only long-term ex I've ever wanted to stay in contact with. He has a good heart and I didn't dump him because he was bad to me. If it was anyone else, I'd feel the same way you do, really.
A few people I've dated casually are still fb friends with me, but no real-life get-togethers or anything.
I am FB friends with a 2 exs. One of which I talk to time to time. We were always better as friends anyway. However, it's been over 10 years since we broke up.
Or that you'd be willing to get back together with. Yep, I do agree with this. For it to be a true friendship, both people have to be at the emotional place of "I think you're a cool person, but I just don't feel that way about you any more."
I'd argue that this is exactly the reason why you need some space away from him before trying to make it into some kind of friendship. To me, it reads as a pity party. I'm not telling you to burn his shiit in the backyard. I'm just saying maybe you need more time to make peace with the situation instead of playing what might of been and wishing things could have turned out differently.
Click me, click me!
Agreed.
I think both parties need to be done before you can be friends. Otherwise, you're just playing what might have been.
Click me, click me!
I get what you're saying. My mom is giving me the slight emu-eye for wanting to stay friendly with him so soon, too. I get it. And after how I felt/am feeling yesterday and today, I know it's not so good for me to continue to act like we're totally healed from the situation.
I was friends with my ex-BF, but that was after a year where we didn't even speak (after the breakup). When we did get back in touch it was something like a phone call or email once every couple of months. We definitely wanted to respect any boundaries that either one of us set up for our respective relationships.
I am glad we stayed in touch considering how things ended for him. I wish I could have done more for him, but he was a troubled man.
I am friends with an ex-bf (not H). We work together so when we split up we still had to be civil to one another. Since we were around each other a lot and having to commucated a lot our old friendship re-opened.
We don't hang out like we used too, but we still talk/joke/vent about bosses, etc.
I can't say that if we didn't work together we would be friends though. I certainly would have never made an effort to stay friends with him if I didn't see him daily.
There is no way that I could be friends with my ex. I thought at one point I should be able to be, but I can't.
I have forgiven him for the way that he treated me, even though there are still lasting effects. Counseling is helping.
He is dating one of my best friends and he treats her as badly (and maybe worse) than he ever treated me. We have been at the same events (weddings, etc) and she will come and spend time with me, because he will ignore her. One wedding we went to, I walked into the bar to find her crying alone, while he flirted with a married woman.
Nope, can't do it.
My husband stayed friends with several of his exes over the years (before me, of course). Some were only a notch or two up from annual-Christmas-card status, but a couple of women have been really close to one or both of us. I actually got married in one of my husband's ex-girlfriend's homes.
I am not friends with any exes. Zero interest, zero curiosity.
I've always stayed friends with my exes. But, they're all from high school and early college -- I wasn't exactly "ZOMG we'll get married" invested in any of them. The guys I dated were all cool people, and I like staying in touch.
I usually update DH when I talk to them and we talk about it before I see any of them... he doesn't mind the friendships, but I feel like it's something that needs a lot of transparency so it doesn't have the wrong appearance. I also think if I was BFF with any of them, it would be a little weirder than our casual friendships where we catch up now and then.
July 3rd, 2012 ~ Hang in there sweetheart, we can't wait to meet you!
I would not be friends with XH. After seeing things from the outside after our split, he's not the person I thought he was and not someone I would be friends with.
My HS/college BF I would stay friends with if he were still around here. We were always more like friends anyway. He's a great person. In fact, I think he and BF would get along really well. If, of course, he's the same person he was more than 10 years ago. I feel like he would be because he was very much like his dad who was an awesome guy.