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WWYD - Accepting $$
Even though this board is soo dead lately, here's another question for you:
Would you/do you accept money from your parents? I don't know if I mentioned it but when we went to Vegas last July my parents sent us a check to cover the plane tickets, they said it was because they invited us to go. My DH flipped out and doesn't think they should ever be giving us money.
Now, we just got a check in the mail from my mom ($100) and she says it's to help cover the cost of the thanksgiving dinner. I think it's because I mentioned to her that I ordered an organic turkey from a local butcher and she's afraid it's going to be really expensive, but honestly - that was my choice to get that turkey and I'm fully prepared to pay for it. I wish she would send me a check and say here's a gift for you, go buy some news clothes.I think we could live with that. But this just feels like they think we can't handle hosting on our own and we need help.
If it was just me, I guess I'd probably keep the check. But DH is really NOT HAPPY about this so I will be giving it back. I know my mom's going to protest and act all hurt and I'll be caught in the middle.
Re: WWYD - Accepting $$
If your parents are offering and sending money, it sounds like they're in a position to do so. I would have no problems accepting this from my own parents if they were in that kind of situation. I know I'll probably end up being like that with my own kids. And it's not about thinking they wouldn't be capable of taking on the responsibility on their own, but rather more about, they'll always be my kids and as their parent I will always want to give them as much as I can.
I would have no problem with that and I don't get being angry about it so long as they're in a position to do stuff like that. I would say thank you and hug my mom next time I saw her.
This is my parents' attitude and they've always been that way. When I was unemployed, they sent a check for me to pay for my gym for a few months, a class to get a certification for my industry and just as some cushion. They knew we're responsible and have savings and would have been fine to pay for these things on our own, but they just did it because they love me (and H) and because they could.
My parents have given us money and I believe it is 100% based on this sentiment. I feel the same way about when I have children of my own.
I actually had a harder time taking money from my parents when I was younger, just started living on my own and less responsible. I was out to "prove myself." Now as a responsible adult, if they offer it out of the kindness of their hearts I don't have a problem taking it. We also feel that if my parents ever need any help they are more likely to accept it from us if we haven't fought them on helping us out.
I agree. Our parents do this from time to time and it's just a nice gesture, because they are our parents. I imagine when my kids are older, I'll do the same for htem.
You all are probably right about the intent behind it. DH comes from a family that isn't very big on gifts, so I know he's not used to it when my parents do this. I grew up with parents who thought going to the movies and out to dinner was too expensive, but would splurge on gifts for us at the holidays.
I'm not sure what to do about it. DH and I will have to talk more about if/when this happens again in the future, but for this case, I have to give it back. He would be very disappointed if I went back on that. I'd like to say to my mom something like I'm sorry we can't accept this, but if you wanted to do x or y instead that would be great. I'm just not sure what x or y would be.
(fwiw, we did accept the money for the plane tickets earlier this year, but H says we need to get them something really big for christmas to make up for it.)
My Ovulation Chart
So, would he go, "Cabbage, I am VERY disappointed in you," for changing your mind? Even though you know if he wanted to change HIS mind, he would do it without expecting a big lecture from you.
I don't understand this at all. Any of it.
-It's your parents, so isn't it your say? Why does he have any say in it really?
-He would be disappointed? What about your parents' disappointment when you turn down a gift that they gave you? My parents would be really hurt. They're doing it out of love, not pity or anything.
-You already paid for (or at least already budgeted for) the turkey. So what, you're going to save it for next year's organic turkey? I don't understand your parents needing to designate what the money is for and you adhering to strictly that. Since the turkey is already allocated for, use it for whatever you want. It's all one big pool of money.
-If he has such a problem with it, I'd deposit it in my own bank account and spend it on whatever I damn well please for myself.
-Lastly, why is anyone making such a big deal about it?? It's a hundred bucks, not a check for $10k.