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Why I like to avoid our families.
As everyone here knows, I am definitely on the outs with my mother which means we do not "do" holidays with my parents which I am fine with given my mom chooses the holidays to act the craziest, which I am not fine with.
DH had to set some boundaries with his parents a few years ago which results in them ignoring us completely, which I am fine with. His parents like to have 100% complete control of the people they are around and considering we pay our own bills, we weren't real thrilled with that, so things are tense. And there are various other issues.
Yet, every year, we invite his parents to our house for Thanksgiving. Last year, DH called, asked them about thanksgiving, then they called a week later to tell us they were having Thanksgiving at their house two weekends prior to Thanksgiving and that they would be spending Thanksgiving in Dallas (with DH's sister and her boyfriend, mind you). They completely ignored our invitation.
And...that is apparently what they are doing this year as well.
Isn't that special?
Re: Why I like to avoid our families.
Your families sound like gems. Glad the two of you turned out fine.
my bookshelf!
Bloggy
Totally agree with this. H and I are struggling to set boundaries with families right now, and it's sparked off lots of stupid arguments. Kudos to you guys.
I am with you, OSUWifey. It's not fun.
Puppy, try not to let it bother you...it's their loss! idk how your SIL & bf are, but your ILs probably would rather be around ppl who don't mind if they control them. (at least, that's my experience with controlling ILs)
I hear ya. MY ILs have a huge 3-day family reunion at Thanksgiving every other year (and yay, it's this year), and my stomach already hurts thinking about seeing them. We are still trying to define what type of relationship is going to work for all of us (there were some definite boundary issues before), and large social gatherings are a nightmare for me. And I'm an only child and feel guilted about not spending time with my family at holidays. It sucks - we all live in the same town, but my parents are as socially gifted as I am, so they won't go over to anyone's house to celebrate (even ours). We'll probably do dinner at my parents house and stop by to see his family for dessert. They are usually more calm and pleasant with full bellies. Enjoy your time with your hubby! His family had an opportunity to spend time with you guys and chose not to, so I say get in some comfy pjs, pig out, and drink some fabulous wine!
Setting boundaries has been the hardest part of our relationship thus far. I don't really "get" the mentality of "if I can't 100% control you, I want nothing to do with you." And you all are right, they spend more time with SIL and her fiance because they have 100% control over them. I wonder how much longer that will last? They are constantly in DH's business about his daughter - DH has had to have MULTIPLE talks with them about it and they finally decided if they can't be in control of that, then they are fine with just getting pictures of her every six months. We had a group counseling session with them at the begining of the year but DH checked out when his dad started screaming at me about how this is all my fault and I have ruined his family..and maybe it is my fault. It is very likely that if DH hadn't married me he would be perfectly happy with his parents running his life at nearly 30 but...I can not live like that!
I would rather spend the holidays happy than spend it with "family" that makes me miserable.
Oh, I agree. We always ask so they can't act as if we don't try when we do. I just don't like to be blantantly ignored. Just say "No thanks, we have plans." No reason to scatter like mice to find other plans to use as an excuse or act as if the offer wasn't there. Have some social skills, people.